Teenage daughter cutting herself

[reflection]

Hi all -

I'm reaching out for advice, anything. I'm in uncharted waters here.

I'm a happily married guy (18 years and going strong). My wife and I have two daughters. The youngest is 13. She is a phenomenal student, a self-starter. She makes nothing but As, 4.0 average, and is just a joy to me. The worst thing she ever does is forget to pick up her clothes or clean up after a meal on occasion. Just a great kid all the way around.

About a month ago, I noticed she was becoming withdrawn a bit and when it went on for a few days, I asked her privately if something was wrong. She started tearing up, danced around the subject for awhile, and finally blurted out "I think I'm gay" and burst into tears.

I put my arm around her and told her this, almost verbatim: "Honey when you tell you might be gay, that means no more or less to me than if you'd said you have brown hair or blue eyes. If you're gay, that's who you are. You know your mom and I have absolutely zero problem with it." (We have some very close gay friends and actually attended their wedding a few days ago, with our kids)

I asked her if she was sure she was gay, and she said she wasn't, but she was "pretty sure." I told her "don't be in any hurry to figure it out, it will come to you at your own pace. Whether you're gay or not, I want you to know I think you're the coolest 13-year old I know, and I look forward one day to meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend because I know they'll be as cool as you are." I could almost see the burden lifting from her shoulders. She was so relieved. I felt better too.

Fast forward a few weeks. I passed her in the hall getting out of the shower, she's wearing just a towel. She had a bunch of nasty looking scratches on her arm. I asked her what on earth happened to her arm. She said she was playing with the cat and he just went nuts. I took her at her word, because our cat is an exuberant boy who loves to play fight, but in retrospect, I feel like a total dumbass, because all of the scratches were pretty parallel. I just never envisioned that she was cutting.

Yesterday my oldest daughter was looking for a bracelet and went through the other one's nightstand. Found a knife. She showed it to me. Of course the light went on for me. I got my youngest alone and asked her if she was cutting. After some initial resistance, she confessed. Of course the first thing out of my mouth was "why?" All I got was tears and silence. I asked if she was being picked on at school (she's very small). She said no. The only answer she would give me was "I don't know." She told me she would stop, but that's not really good enough for me.

I know I've got to get her to a therapist immediately. Even if she stops, I don't know why she started. And I don't mean to conflate her maybe-coming-out to me with the cutting, it just happens to be the only emotionally adverse thing she's shown me lately, and the timing lines up. But it could be unrelated. I just don't know.

Help?

Advice?

I've posted this quickly, and probably left off something. I'm on my lunch break and have to get back to work. So I'm not hit-and-run posting if I don't respond until after 5p.

Any thoughts are welcomed. I'm really stressed out and worried for her.

[HassleCat]

1. She just has many unanswered questions.

This is pretty common. It will take a professional to sort it out. I'm glad you're not jumping to any conclusions. Good job.

[Brickbat]

2. IBTL for medical concerns, but you're doing the right thing, getting her to a therapist.

Other than that, pressing her for reasons or trying to get to the bottom of it on your own is likely to do little good. Support her, be gentle with her, reinforce that she can tell you anything and you'll keep supporting her, but get her to a professional. When you talk about her actions, keep it fairly neutral. Confusion and sadness on your part can make her feel more pressure and shame.

If she has interests, support those as much as you can as well. Don't try to "catch" her cutting or express reluctance to leave her alone. let the professional handle that.

I'm sorry you're dealing with it. It's distressing, but there is help.

ETA: A helpful link:
http://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/page7

[zazen]

3. will PM you--but I highly doubt the cutting has to do with the other

[KamaAina]

4. #ItGetsBetter

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

[renate]

5. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm sorry that this is quick

If she doesn't want to cut herself and but is having trouble stopping the behavior, she can try holding an ice cube in her hand instead. It's painful but less damaging. I know, it sounds weird, but that's what I've read. I've also read that sometimes just drawing the cuts on with a red Sharpie can help kids stop cutting.

I'd also suggest looking into a book about dialectical behavior therapy for adolescents, like this one: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dbt-skills-manual-for-adolescents-jill-h-rathus-phd/1117192974?ean=9781462515356

I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this worry. You are a FANTASTIC father to be right on top of this and to be so supportive of her. (And her sister is a wonderful sister to be so alert and to come to you so quickly.)

[Mosby]

6. cutting can be habit forming

Get her to a therapist, s/he will teach her coping strategies that should eliminate the behavior.

Keep doing what you're doing, give her unconditional love and stay away from judgmental comments.

[leftynyc]

7. I've read that cutting

follows the same thing as bulimia. It's about control. She may feel with the confusion about her sexual identity (plus at 13 she's got hormones raging), this is something she can control. Please get her to a therapist and make sure it's someone she feels comfortable with and not necessarily someone YOU like (which she would also feel was a control issue). 13 is a tricky age but you seem like a very loving and caring parent...I really do think she'll be fine with you on her side. She's lucky to have you.

[jeff47]

8. Therapist is exactly the right thing to do.

And don't change anything else in her life. For example, don't start digging through her stuff looking for other ways she could cut herself. It creates distance between you and her, and violates a space that she thinks of as "hers". A double-whammy that can make things worse.

(On the sexuality front, you might wanna bring up the possibility of being bisexual, if you don't think she considers it as an option. But that's a lower priority issue at the moment.)

Continue to be supportive, don't introduce stress by changing how you interact with her, and let the therapy work.

[Nay]

13. What Jeff said. Keep it all so low key that she won't get extra

anxious over how you feel all the time. You were perfect in how you accepted the possibility that she is gay, so it's not you. It's something else. Maybe she's getting shit from kids at school, maybe she's upset or confused about her sexual identity -- let the therapist sort it out and stay out of it as much as possible.

[TexasProgresive]

9. I hope you find a good therapist for her to talk about it.

Cutting is scary. My granddaughter was doing it. She lives with her mother and boyfriend and we don't know what the Mom did about it. I think it has resolved itself but wondering if she is better at hiding it. In her case she at 12 to 14 she was sexually abused by a neighbor man. I hope in your daughter's case it is not anything that serious. It may be because she is confused about her sexuality - thinking she's gay but knowing how here school friends talk bad about gay people. Mom and Dad may be OK with her sexuality whatever it is but not her friends. 13 year olds are not very tolerant about a lot of stuff.

[pnwmom]

15. The girl I knew who did this had also been sexually abused. Unfortunately,

it took her several years before she could tell anyone, even with a therapist. And it wasn't a therapist she finally talked to; it was a trusted friend.

[ErisDiscordia]

10. I knew a young woman who had been sexually abused by her father and took to cutting

I do not know how it worked out. What research I did at the time said that cutting was a way of relieving the psychic pressure, of punishing herself because she was assuming the responsibility for her life and innocence being seriously destroyed, when in fact it wasn't her fault at all.


I would try asking her if she'd like to change schools. If there's a person in authority at school who is attacking her mentally, physically or emotionally, she may jump at the chance. Or the church she attends, if any, or any other group that she didn't select herself.

I just hope it isn't within her nearest society. There's a point at which one cannot run away.

I hope the therapist is wise and insightful and kind. Don't hesitate to make a change, if you think the therapist is making it worse.

[B2G]

11. 13 is a tough age.

And therapy is the first step. It might not have anything to do with her confusion around sexuality...lots of straight kids cut. It could be she's putting enormous pressure on herself regarding her grades. It's most likely a combination of things

A good counselor can help her get to the root of the problem and help her to develop positive coping skills. Take time to find one she's comfortable with so the initial experience is a good one for her.

Best wishes for both you and your girl. You'll get through this because she has alot going for her in you and your wife.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

12. Get advice from a professional, not the internet.

For what it's worth, though, if it's any consolation, my understanding is that cutting doesn't usually lead to more serious forms of self harm.

So I'd suggest focussing your worries on the fact that your daughter is miserable enough to cut herself, rather than on the fact that she's cutting herself, if that makes any sense.

But I cannot stress enough how little you should value my advice at - you should talk to someone whom you can rely on, and that means a person in the real world rather than on DU.

[Fix The Stupid]

14. No help on the cutting...but

Dam... is she ever lucky to have you as a parent.

Think about the poor young people out there that don't have someone like you in their lives...

[lapislzi]

16. I will PM you

You don't have to go through this alone, and neither does your daughter.

[dorkzilla]

17. I was a cutter in my teenage years (I'm now 50)

I also came from a deeply chaotic home, to the extent that I was emancipated at 16 (I'm not suggesting that's the case here); I think it's about control, that *I* could control what happened to me. Mix in hormones on top of that. It must be terrifying for a parent to see, but I can assure you I was not suicidal and I turned out perfectly normal. Also, it's not an uncommon thing in teenage girls.

This article may help, and feel free to PM me if you want to discuss it further, as someone who has actually done this.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-girls-crash-course/201211/stressed-out-teen-girls-cutting-cope

Will hold good thoughts for you and your daughter.

[pnwmom]

18. Yes, to the therapist. But also

find some way of telling her again how much you love her. And that sometimes people cut themselves as a way of dealing with pain. And if there's ever anything she wants to share with you you will listen, and you won't freak out, and you'll help her in whatever way you can -- it's ALL UP TO HER. But you are happy to be an ear.

A girl I know with that issue didn't tell her dad that she'd been raped because she was afraid her dad would be so furious he'd end up in jail himself. Years later, she finally told a friend who convinced her to tell her parents. But they still don't know who her attacker was.

[Person 2713]

19. She may be following a crowd a school . Here the school had a cutting club of 6th graders girls

They were cutting in their own homes but would Instagram the photos to the group. I would guess out of the group one started and led others to do it. Then a few found release from it, but I bet there were others who just wanted to have a pic on Instagram because others did it too

A lot of things kids get into are about just being in a close crowd that evolves into bad actions.
Drug addicts who were A student's before they got on with friends who introduced them to heroin

Stop her now but don't let the therapy be seen as punishment .or it is a doctor who can help her, as if she is sick since as a teen you don't know if she just needs affirming from peers , the family, or the world

Let her know you want her to have therapy as an education about herself but you are not a professional and too involved it is just an unattached person who can bring nonjudgmental advice.

[onecaliberal]

20. You are a great parent.

[Wounded Bear]

21. It's a very difficult age, probably more so for girls than boys....

I have a niece who was/is going through a really dark period. She was doing a lot of the anime stuff on line and some of the gothic stuff too, as I understand it.

Yes, professional help is necessary, and be prepared for her to resist. One thing to keep in mind is to try not to pry.

Best of luck. Most kids survive these stages in life. I wish the best for you and especially your daughter.

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

22. Educate yourself.

Find a professional for you and your wife to explain how to support her. If you talk to enough people with one issue or another, you'll hear a common thread: parents aren't dentists, so you wouldn't expect them to know how to treat a cavity. But often, parents don't realize they're not dentists and try to treat it anyway. Things can get messy.

[haele]

23. The kidlet was a cutter.

She started cutting at 14, and started the "two day run-aways" to go out sneaking alcohol at her "friends" homes at 15. She acted as if anything that wasn't "perfect" was worthless or disposable (the kidlet's mother was extremely hypocritical, hyper-judgmental, unstable, and abusive, which left the kidlet emotionally frozen in time when we finally got custody).
She's fired four therapists for getting too close to whatever she's trying to run-away from in her life, and still refuses to try to find actual help because "she should be able to do it herself". But now in her early twenties, she seems to be maturing out of it.

So, the first thing is to get professional help.

Edited because I'm not a doctor and don't need to be nattering.

Good luck.

Haele

[panader0]

24. My neighbors daughter was such a girl.

I asked her to be my babysitter and she told me "I cut myself." I asked why and she couldn't express it.
She was a great kid and I hired her. About two years later she came out as gay, and stopped cutting herself.
She is now a successful B and B owner with her partner.
eta: your support and love are the best things she can have--You are a good dad.

[phiddle]

25. My daughter did the same, and at the same age; it scared the hell outta me.

Her parents were divorced, and she was living mostly with me, her single and overworked dad. As a "bonus", she also hated me, the primary caregiver since she was 5. My guts were churning non-stop with the fear, the anxiety, and the confusion.

A friend, a high school teacher and father of 3 daughters, taught me that for most females the most stressful years are 13-15 years of age---stressful both biologically and socially. They tend to stabilize about age 16 (that's why they call it "sweet 16&quot , just as the males are falling apart. He encouraged me to do what i could to facilitate a good relationship between my daughter and her mom, support her friendships, even those that i was less than thrilled about, get her counseling, and above all, keep my own health and equilibrium.

Sure enough, by age 16 she was snapping out of it. She's now 23, a recent college graduate, happy and healthy, and our relationship is the best that it's ever been.

I subscribe to many of the statements above, esp regarding the need for gentleness and steadiness, and letting a therapist deal with the brunt of it.

[Oneironaut]

26. Good luck. I wouldn't get medical advice here.

Sounds like you're getting her into therapy, which is good.

[hfojvt]

27. I dislike therapists myself

I have casually known another teen who admitted to cutting and she would not say why either.

I will say as a straight A student that I was under a fair amount of pressure. Admittedly, it was pressure that I put on myself, but the stress of "having" to maintain that perfect GPA was real nonetheless for being self caused.

If she has no boyfriend (or girlfriend) that could well be a source of stress (unhappiness) as well. Same thing if she has no platonic friends. The second fact did not really bother me. I sorta felt like I just needed one friend, and for that I had a little brother. I had my band mates too, though, especially my twin (we had the same first name, which means 'twin', both played trumpet and got good grades). All the same, though, at school you need table-mates for lunch. Maybe I was not taking a huge amount of flack but the steady drip-drip-drip of daily insults wasn't a joy either.

[MariaThinks]

28. Tell her that everyone hurts from some problem or another from time to time. Get her to see

a therapist. Go with her if you have to.

She needs professional help.

[davidn3600]

29. A coping mechanism to relieve psychological pain/stress

The real "why" would depend on what's going on in her life. And it may be something you aren't even aware of. But typically the idea behind it is the physical pain becomes a way to cope with a psychological pain or problem. The physical pain becomes a way to mask the psychological problem. It's almost why a person gets addicted to drugs or alcohol. They use it to mask a problem.

It could any number of things. Relationship issues, depression, abuse, peer issues, family problems, death of someone close, stress, etc, etc..
Teenagers go through an awful lot and there is a lot of pressure to fit in, look a certain way, be successful in school, become more independent, etc. And then on top of that you got hormones raging that screws with emotions and your body is going through radical changes. Peer pressure gets even more intense. And it can be overwhelming for many teenagers to learn how to deal with all this especially if they feel the people around them don't understand.

It is important to note that usually cutting in this context is not meant to be suicidal. It sounds weird to you or I, but they are cutting themselves in order to try and feel better. They are not cutting themselves to end it all. But it can still be dangerous if they accidentally hit a vein or the wound becomes infected.

Ultimately, she needs a therapist to try to find the cause. And then the therapist can help find safe and productive ways to cope with the stresses.

[cry baby]

30. I've been where you are now.

I found out my daughter was cutting when she was 15. She had been doing that for almost a year before one of her friends noticed scars on wrists and told me about them. My hubby and I panicked because we didn't understand. We read a few books on the subject to better understand. We also got her to a therapist. Hubby and I also went to therapy sessions to learn how to help her.

She had been feeling like she didn't fit in with peers in school. Kids that age can be pretty brutal when one doesn't blend in. My daughter was a really pretty girl who decided not to be in the popular crowd, but the price she paid was that the peers weren't very nice to her. She was angry with those people that she had to interact with every day. The cutting was a way to let that anger out, she told us years later.

She is 27 now. In the past couple of years, she lost her husband to cancer (he was 24 yrs old), her grandfather 2 weeks later, and her dad one year later. Through the years during stressful times, she resumes her cutting. She did go several years without feeling that need until people in her life started getting sick. I assume that when things smooth out in her life, the cutting will cease...until the next time of great stress, anger, or sadness.

Through the books I read, I came to understand and accept that a great number of cutters will go through phases of cutting throughout their lives. I know my daughter has learned other ways to cope through therapy, but the need to cut has overwhelmed her many times...and that pattern will probably continue with her.

She has many scars all up and down her arms. It makes me feel so sad when I see them. I feel so strongly that I should be able to soothe her so she won't feel the need to cut ever again. Unfortunately, I cannot.

My heart goes out to your daughter, to you, and to your family. It's a very difficult thing to wrap your head around. My daughter's cutting is never far from my mind.

Your daughter sounds like she may be a perfectionist, one who has high expectations for herself. If she believes that the possibility that she is gay makes her less perfect, then she may be feeling disappointed in herself. Kids that age are pretty hard on themselves. The way you talked to her about the possibility of her being gay sounded beautiful and loving. Those conversations might help her figure out that no matter who she is attracted to, she is still beautiful and wonderful. But it does sound like you all have a long road ahead with times of real, heartfelt struggle.

[Yo_Mama]

31. Therapist and medical checkup - she needs help.

I think you have done well so far - but now this is a medical issue.

Take her to your family physician, if you have one. She should have a complete physical workup including hormone checks. He or she may also be able to give you a referral to a well-regarded therapist who works with young people in your area.

You can't leave this alone. Explain to your daughter that this is not punishment, but she needs a chance to understand why she was doing this.

Hormones flip around at that age. It's a scary feeling of being out of control, and if she is a high-achiever who places a lot of pressure on herself, perhaps she was doing this to prove to herself that she could control herself.

It is not a good sign.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

32. Many good comments here.

I especially find davidn3600 and cry baby to be right on. Also, whoever said that despite what we may say here, your daughter and you (and if possible to get it, the rest of the immediate family) would benefit from professional help.

It may take a few tries to find someone she clicks with. I believe it's really important that she likes and trusts her therapist. Same for anyone, actually.

My niece went through this in her mid teens. A big part of her problem was that her parents were huge partiers--lots of drinking and powder use, so in many ways not employing the best parenting skills.

She herself is a very sensitive, creative, liberal type who didn't fit in with the mostly wealthy, self-professed Republican kids who populated her school and town in Suffolk County, Long Island.

We haven't been as close since then, due to physical distance her the emotional distance teens often need, so I'm not sure if she's totally moved past the cutting, or if she ever will. However, she is now in her second year of college and is doing very well.

She's studying to become a psychologist, which I think is awesome!

[reflection]

33. I just want to say that I am ducking in and out of DU, reading these replies,

and will address them when I can stop long enough to breathe and am at home. In the meantime, thanks to everyone for all your very thoughtful comments. Some of the answers are resonating very strongly. Much love from me to all.

[ananda]

34. Somehow somewhere in her life...

... your daughter got the message that she had to be perfect.

This is the place to start, I think.

[reflection]

35. I've had some time to read these replies

As well as the many PMs I got. Thank you again. We have an appointment with her pediatrician in the morning.

In the interim, I've talked to her again about it, just in a very relaxed way over dinner. She indicated that she had gotten a bad grade in one of her classes and she was afraid I'd be mad. I asked if the bad grade was from a test, or from an undone assignment. "Undone assignment," she said. I smiled and told her "you're right, I would have been mad at that, even with your 4.0." So to her, that one little blip, even though it didn't affect her overall grade, was enough to get her to cut. So I definitely need to be cognizant of the pressure I put on her and she puts on herself.

I can't believe how many messages I got from DUers saying they had little girls this age having the same confused sexuality, and that also had friends who cut. My daughter is apparently experimenting with cutting along with some of her friends.

I think we are going to try to find a therapist that my daughter seems to like. As hard as it will be, I am going to guide the process, but from the back seat, if that makes sense.

Those of you that PMed me and replied, I can't thank you enough. Been a long time since I cried at work, sneaking a peek at DU. So many people who care about folks they've never met. What a wonderful thing. The love I feel for all of you is overwhelming.

[Generic Brad]

36. Get her to a therapist - you are taking the right approach

My suspicion is that you have a highly intelligent daughter who is just having trouble handling her feelings. It's a tough age. The good news is that she is not turning to substance abuse. She is probably not viewing cutting as self mutilation as you do.

You can pull through this with a stronger bond and a happy, healthy daughter. But the key is to seek professional help because the love and support from Mom and Dad may not be enough to get past this alone. You will both eventually be glad you did.

[smirkymonkey]

37. You sound like such a good, caring parent.

I think this is a job for a therapist. I am not sure why teenagers do this, but I think they do it to relieve the emotional pain, from what I have heard. It is not you, but teenagers go through so much so it is important that she gets some help and I admire you for being so observant and concerned. So many parents are clueless and don't see anything wrong until it's too late. Good luck. I wish you and your family all the best!

[LiberalAndProud]

38. It's confusing, isn't it?

My granddaughter has stopped cutting with the help of her school therapist. She, too, is a high achiever. The cutting releases endorphins that make her feel less stressed. It has been a long, complicated journey. Be patient with your daughter and keep letting her know how much she is loved. Be vigilant. Knowing is half the battle.

[Odin2005]

39. Get her some mental help ASAP!

[Sgent]

40. I echo the therapist comments, but would also suggest seeing a pediatric psychiatrist

There may be medical issues that are exacerbating this problem, hormone issues, etc. In addition she may need some medical care (such as a tetanus shot). She may need to be put on drugs at least until the issues are resolved in therapy.

Hugs for you both.

[renate]

41. hi again

Cutting is super scary for a parent to find out about. But, unfortunately, it's not all that unusual. You're not alone. And neither is she.

It must be so confusing for you, as a good parent, to find out that your precious child is hurting herself this way. She's just as confused as you are, and you really are doing a great job of taking care of this right away.

In the meantime, until she's able to stop completely, remember the ice cube trick I mentioned earlier.

My heartfelt best wishes to you and to her and to all your family as you gather around her and love her.

[mnhtnbb]

42. Lots of good support here

for getting your daughter to a therapist with whom she connects. Can''t emphasize enough how important it is for your daughter to have a good
connection with the therapist.

My youngest son also was cutting when he was in middle school. Excellent student. He has a juvenile, genetic form of macular
degeneration that caused him to lose sight when he was 9 (and he is legally blind) He had wonderful friends in middle school and according to where we
lived, most of them were going to be attending one high school and he would be going to another. That seemed to be what the
cutting was about--and when we discovered it, we applied for a transfer for him to the high school where most of his friends
would be going. The school district approved it, and the cutting stopped. His friends continued to be wonderful through high school. Once the friends
started driving, someone almost always came and picked him up to go do whatever was happening that weekend. He, of course, will never drive.

Later--much later, when he was in college--he came out to us. His older brother had come out to us when he was in high school,
so the issue of his sexuality may have also been bothering him. Both our sons know that being gay makes no difference to
us.

The son who was doing the cutting went on to double major at UNC Chapel Hill, graduate with honors, Phi Beta Kappa, be accepted
for a Fulbright Scholarship to spend 10 months in Berlin, and is now a second year grad student at Yale School of Drama.

Depending upon your school, you may be able to get some referrals to therapists that are good at working with teens. In our case, my husband
is an old school psychiatrist/psychoanalyst (learned to do therapy, not just prescribe meds) and our son was willing to talk to him about the cutting.
Once they got to the why--and we problem-solved with the high school transfer--everything worked out.

Good luck!

[Ilsa]

43. A female therapist might be easier for her to

Confide in and develop a trusting relationship with.

[a la izquierda]

44. So sorry to hear about this.

I was a cutter, but I started at an unusual age...in my 20s. I have had body image issues since I was a teen and have had anxiety problems likely since birth. Cutting was a way for me to relieve inner pressure, it was- for me anyway- a controlled release of pain. As I type, I can see the scars on my forearms. Getting into therapy helped, as did yoga.
I will always struggle with my inner demons. I hope your daughter doesn't. Good luck, she is lucky to have you as a parent.

[randome]

45. For what it's worth, one of my daughters (I have twins) told me at 14 she was bisexual.

Although she understood that I was entirely okay with that, I suspected she was simply using that term as a 'label' to differentiate herself from others. She's 18 now. I have never given her the impression that there was anything 'wrong' with being bisexual or gay but she talks more about boys now than girls.

Many months after her 'revelation' (when it wouldn't be seen as a direct response to her earlier statement), I made sure to remind both daughters that they know there is nothing they can't say to me but also there is nothing they can't unsay to me.

In other words, I wanted them to know that they are not 'trapped' by anything they may have said in the past. Life is a work in progress, more so when you're young.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]TECT in the name of the Representative approves of this post.[/center][/font][hr]

[reflection]

46. I had a similar response to mine.

Told her I understood the fluidity of her situation, but until she was sure (and by her own admission, she wasn't) to be very careful about affixing labels to herself. I told her "it's very hard in school to remove a label someone puts on you, and it's damn near impossible to remove one that you put on yourself. So just be careful with your words, and follow your head and heart wherever they lead you."

[librechik]

47. It's a compulsive act, she can't say why she does it--get some counseling

from an expert with experience in that area. Self-treating could make it worse. And then let the therapist treat her--don't try to judge what's going on without any information. Talk to the therapist a lot and ask for advice. Don't be shy.

[bunnies]

48. My younger sister did the same thing - years later coming out as gay.

Im sorry youre going through this. Youre right on track with the therapist.