I had to call the cops on myself today. They were very nice.

[jmowreader]

After writing today's installment in my Infinite America series (tomorrow's the last day!) I got dressed, put my laundry in the back seat of my car, and drove off to the laundromat. I never made it. Smoke started coming out from under the back seat. Okay, no problem: I'll just put this thing in neutral, turn off the engine and coast home. (I wasn't far and it was downhill.) Then a LOT of smoke, then flames...I found the nearest place to pull over, did so, pulled the handbrake and got the fuck out of the car. Dude, there ain't NOTHING left. Flames thirty feet in the air. It looked like something out of a movie. The fire was so bad the windows melted. (I will, however, attest to the high quality of Saab gas tanks: The car was burning so fiercely I thought it would explode, but it didn't.)

I called 911 right after I got out of the car. A fire engine showed up and put the fire out. Two cops also arrived to direct traffic and take a statement, which didn't take long..."1987 Saab? Electrical fire? Yeah, that happens...no problem, we'll call a rollback to get it out of here."

I didn't get hurt, no other cars were around so no one else got damaged, and I didn't have anyone else in the car. Tomorrow I'll get new clothes to replace the ones that got burned up. At the end of the month I'll have a different car.

[Kalidurga]

1. That sounds terrifying

I would have coasted down hill too. Now I know better if that happens to me.

[pinboy3niner]

2. Should've taken the train to do your laundry

Glad you're okay!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I'm glad you're OK, my dear jmowreader!

Cars and clothes can be replaced......humans? Not so much.

[iemitsu]

4. At least you did not get the laundry done before this happened.

I'm glad you're safe.

[jmowreader]

6. Yeah, I was thinking that too

If it's GOT to be burned up, it was better it happened before I spent money to wash it!

[iemitsu]

56. Money or effort.

Who wants to burn clean clothes?

[jmowreader]

57. I didn't really want to burn the dirty ones!

[iemitsu]

59. No, I suppose not.

The car either.

[pnwmom]

5. Glad you didn't get hurt. That sounds scary! n/t

[Liberal Jesus Freak]

7. Oh my!

So glad you're alright

[Lilyhoney]

8. Glad you are okay. I bet it was scary.

I drive a 2006 Saab 9-3 sportcombi. I love this car, just turned 100,000 miles on it although I have only owned it for the past two years and contributed about 20,000 of them. I wish I knew the Saab was going to be such a great car, I would have bought one sooner.

I am happy that this fire problem happened before you spent your time and money washing your clothes. Well, I guess you will always remember how 2015 ended for you. Good luck on finding a car to replace this one. I hope your new year is off to a better start.

Lilyhoney

[SCantiGOP]

9. The world according to Garp:

You now have an incredibly small chance of ever having another car burn up your laundry.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. Thanks for sharing, but isn't this just

another Saab story?

[jmowreader]

14. Yeah, yeah, I've heard that shit before...

Funny thing is, I was planning to replace the car in 2016 ANYWAY...but now I get to replace it sooner.

[bluedigger]

11. Now we've all heard your Saab story for the year,

Sounds as if it ended as well as could be hoped.

[longship]

12. Saab == Seen Alongside Autobahn Burning

Drive Volvo!

[kentauros]

18. Okay, that made me laugh!

And now to share it with another Saab owner (if she hasn't heard it already)

[Tab]

19. Naw...

SAAB = Something's Almost Always Broken

I love Saab's; It's the first car I ever drove (I think a Saab 99, maybe a Saab 96 - note: numbers have nothing to do with release years - Saab has an affinity for things that start with '9') and still drive (a Saab 9-5); repair costs are a bitch, I never had one catch on fire with me, but I'm guessing the one here was a 900. My first 900 was a '96, so I never drove one that was an '87. (s)he's lucky it made it this far.

Alas, they don't make them anymore. If the original OP would like a 9-5 wagon, they can PM me, but I suspect they'll have to move onto something else. An Audi (but not diesel!) or a Volvo seem comparable.

[jmowreader]

20. I'm thinking Volkswagen this time around

This particular one was a 900. Good catch.

[longship]

22. Then there's the Saab corn poppers.

Three cylinder engine! Two stroke! Can't remember the model, but it was in the low 90's.

They would perpetually win the ice races on frozen Lake Saint Clair in Michigan because they would bounce off the snow banks on the turns. Indestructible, front wheel drive, not much horsepower, but poppa-poppa-POPPA for the win.

Happy New Year to you!

[Babel_17]

24. Fiat == Fix it again Tony

A fellow worker from Italy laughed when I told I once had a used 1976 TC wagon. He clued me in to the joke. Bought it a few years before they left/fled the USA.

They know their stuff, it's just that back then a lot of skimping was going on.

[longship]

27. And then there's Ford == Found On Roadway Dead

Doncha just love these four letter car names?

Here's another, with more letters.

Hell hath no Fury like a Plymouth!

Happy new year to you!

[Babel_17]

28. Woot! Happy New Year to you!

[Jesus Malverde]

31. Friend always said about their trucks

Fix or repair daily.

[eridani]

33. Here's my canonical list

ACURA
Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
Automobile Causes Unusual Road Accidents
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

ALFA
A Loud Farting Acceleration

AMC
A Major Cost
A Moron’s Car
Another Major Catastrophe
Annoys Mechanics Constantly
Automotive Mental Cruelty

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Boring Middleclass Wankers
Born Moderately Wealthy
Break My Windows
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Bavarian Manure Wagon

BSA
Bastard Stopped Again

BUICK
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CAMARO
Can't America Make A Real One?
Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One?
Cars Are Manufactured And Recalled Often


CHEVROLET
Crappy Hot-running Engine, Very Rusted Out, Loses Every Time
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Condition Hopeless—Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

CHEVY
Cheapest Heap Ever Vetted Yet

CHRYSLER
Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

CITROEN
Crappy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nuts

DODGE
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Damned Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dear Old Dad’s Garage Experiment
Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL
Every Day Something Else Leaks
Every Day Some Engineer Laughs

FIAT
Failure In Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fix It Again, Tony
Found In A Trashpile

FORD
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Reservation Dump
Found On Road Dead
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Depreciation
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fails On Rainy Days
Fatally Obese Redneck Drivers
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Forward Only; Reverse Defective
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fumes, Odors Readily Detectable
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
LTD
Lacks Total Dependability
Lots To Do
Loses Transmission Daily

MUSTANG
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Always No Good
Massively Under Sized Tires And No Gumption

PINTO
Put In New Transmission Often
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Pushed In Neutral Too Often

GEO
Good Engineering Overlooked

GM
General Maintenance
Godawful Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Goofy Manufacturing
Gone Mental

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Generally Mediocre Car
Got More Crap
Got Mechanic Coming
God’s Mechanical Curse
Great Motor Car
Got Mine Cheap
Get My Checkbook

GTO
Get Tools Out
Good To Own
Generally Trashed Out
Gone To Overdrive

HONDA
How Odd—No Damned Acceleration
Hell Ofa Nice Damned Automobile
Honest Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Had One; Never Did Again

PRELUDE
Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

JEEP
Junk Electrical, Emissions Parts
Jumps Excitedly in Every Pothole.
Jinxed Engine—Extra Parts
Jumps Everything Ever Parked
Just Empties Every Pocket
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

KIA
Kick It Around
Kick It Again

LOTUS
Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

MAZDA
Model All Zitheads Drive Aimlessly
Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG
Money Guzzler
Mostly Garaged
Major Goof

MIATA
My Intention—Always To Accelerate

MOPAR
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
My Only Problems Are Repairs
Mechanics Offer Pinto As Replacement
Most Often Parts Are Replaced

NISSAN
Now In Some Stupid Automotive Nightmare

OLDSMOBILE
Oh Look, Dammit—Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everywhere
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
Overpriced, Leisure Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PLYMOUTH
Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!

PONTIAC
Poor Old Nitwit Thinks It's A Cadillac
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car

PORSCHE
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbon Hazardous Emissions
Phased Out Racer—Still Can't Hold Engine
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

RENAULT
Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash

SAAB
Swedish Automobile—Always Broken
Still Ain't A Beamer
Shape Appears Ass Backwards

STP
Stop Those Pistons.

SUBARU
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA
Taking Our Yen Out—Thanks All
Take Off Your Oversized Tires, Asshole
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Automobile
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH
The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
This Really Is Unreliable, Man. Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Pocketbook Hurt

VW
Virtually Worthless
Vintage Wreck

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

[shanti]

49. ha!

the definitive list, thanks!

[TexasProgresive]

42. Ford

Drive a Ford
They're the best
Ride a mile
And walk the rest.

[Srednas Einreb]

44. I wonder if there's one for Honda

since I'm a longtime Honda owner (we own a '03 CRV and a '09 CRV, as well as have previously owned an Accord). My first car, believe it or not, was not a Honda, but a Toyota Echo in 2000. I loved that car too. I don't see many of them anymore (they moved on to Yaris after Echo)

[eridani]

54. Several, in fact.

HONDA
How Odd—No Damned Acceleration
Hell Ofa Nice Damned Automobile
Honest Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Had One; Never Did Again

PRELUDE
Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes

[smirkymonkey]

53. Reminds me of FIAT,

Fix it again Tony. BTW, before you accuse me of ethnic discrimination, I'm Italian, Swedish, Dutch and English, but dont know many funny acronyms for English cars. Do the Dutch even have an automobile industry?

[brer cat]

13. I'm glad you were ok

and no one else was involved. That must have been terrifying!

[Laffy Kat]

15. Geeze, so glad you're ok.

Hope your insurance covers the car. Sounds like it's totaled.

[jmowreader]

21. It's totaled. Only had PL and PD on it

A car that old isn't worth carrying comprehensive on.

[roguevalley]

16. so sorry, honey. I am glad you will be okay. What a traumatic moment. Happy New Year anyway. :D

[tammywammy]

17. I'm glad you're okay

I saw a car on fire once, it was an amazing site.

[Babel_17]

23. Even in the laundry bag, your lucky sweatshirt kept giving till the end

Whatever you were wearing is your reincarnated lucky shirt. Congratulations on keeping your cool, and most of all for coming out of it alright.

[Skittles]

25. stop your saabing

[lovemydog]

30. lol!

Happy new year Skittles!

[Skittles]

41. WOOT!

Happy New Year!

[JohnnyRingo]

26. High performance Saab heater

In Scandinavia that's how they deice the windows.

Kidding aside, sorry for the loss and I'm glad you're OK.

[longship]

32. DUzy worthy!

I roast turkeys in my 20 year old Volvo in the midst of January when the high temp often does not reach +10F.

Swedish cars have great heaters. They warm up in about a mile of driving. The seat heaters get you going until then. Sadly, mine no longer work.

But at least I could have fresh roasted turkey if I wanted. I want the drumsticks!

Happy New Year to you!

[lovemydog]

29. Glad you're okay.

Happy new year!

[mindwalker_i]

34. Are your cloths ok?

Talk about burning your britches.

Glad you're ok!

[jmowreader]

39. The new ones will be

The ones I had before? They were sitting on top of a seat stuffed with polyurethane foam. PUR foam burns at about 2000 degrees F. You couldn't recognize them as ever having been clothes.

[Hekate]

35. Yikes. That is a dramatic way to end the year! I'm glad you are okay

May your New Year's car be wonderful and safe its whole existence -- you too.

[7wo7rees]

36. Well that seems to be a rather spectacular end to 2015 for

you!! You win the award for going out in flames! Glad you are ok, sorry bout your car.

[KentuckyWoman]

37. Lazy cops.

They could have at least taken the trouble to taze someone while they were there.

Geesh.... what is the world coming to?


************


Quite a few years ago I had to bail on a 21 yr old Honda Accord that caught fire on the way home from getting the fuel pump replaced. Huge intersection. I was shaky for a week. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Car had become a money pit and I didn't have enough to pay for a different car. Took a lot of crap from everyone for carrying comprehensive on that thing all those years..... but it paid off.


Glad you are safe and hope the shaky is gone by morning.

[jmowreader]

47. Tell me about it! No tazings, no shootings...they didn't even beat anyone up!

[sweetapogee]

38. I'm a firefighter

a volunteer. I've put out many car fires as we have several major highways in our district. In the literally 100s of vehicle fires I've been to or know details of, I haven't seen any explode like in the movies. I have seen where a propane tank in the car has boiled over but not a gasoline tank.

Only once or twice have I been to a car fire where the car was not a total loss. One time, this was not a fire but a crash, we did a roof flap on a Ford Explorer that had 43 miles on it.

[TexasProgresive]

43. All the cars in movies have dynamite in the trunk.

They hit a bump and BOOM.

I lost a pickup in a hayfield fire in 1980. The fire started under the truck, move to the gas tank. The pressure blew the cap off, flaming gas erupted about 100 feet up. No explosion, just flames.

[jmowreader]

46. Weirdly enough, the gas tank didn't get involved at all

The cap was a little distorted, but still there, as was the fuel filler hose.

[TexasProgresive]

48. I had a full tank and 28 bales of hay in the bed

My nephew was driving and my nieces were in the truck. He was inexperienced and drove over where the hay was raked for baling. I smelled grass burning and told him to get off of the row. He nervously popped the clutch and stalled the truck. I ordered the kids out of the truck and for once they immediately obeyed without asking "why?". I tried to restart it but I think the fuel line was over heated and causing a vapor lock. So I got out an we watched an inferno. 2 city and several volunteer companies came out as well as lots of neighbors. Besides my truck over 100 acres burned. There were no injuries or structures involved in the fire.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

40. Thank God you're ok, jmowreader! Glad everything's going to be worked out and no one...

...else got hurt.

Happy New Year!

[mnhtnbb]

45. That is scary. Glad you are ok.

Hope your insurance covers getting a decent replacement.

[CTyankee]

50. I'm relieved that you are OK. Thank god for the safety precautions Saab took in their

design of that vehicle.

When you get your new car you will discover what I discovered: you no longer wake up wondering what the hell is gonna go wrong with my car today. I had the last straw last July. Took my old car to my mechanic and told him to fix it up so I can trade in and get another one. I wound up with a 2015 Nissan Versa that I just paid for in cash. So it's one less worry that you have...

[elleng]

51. WHEW!

[valerief]

52. I hope the rest of your year plays out better. nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

55. I'm glad you are fine

stuff can always be replaced. Lives, not so much

[FreeJoe]

58. Gasoline Facts

Gasoline cars don't ever explode, at least not from the gasoline. They just burn. Gasoline requires oxygen to burn. The burning only happens on the surface of the gasoline, so not enough energy gets released quickly enough to cause an explosion.

The difference between something like gasoline that burns and something like dynamite that explodes is that the latter already has all of the reagents mixed together. With dynamite, once the reaction starts all of the fuel is consumed almost instantly. The energy is released so quickly that an explosion occurs. With gasoline, only the surface of the gasoline reacts with the air, so the energy is released more slowly.

Interestingly, a given amount of gasoline has more energy than most explosives (like dynamite). It is the difficulty in getting oxygen mixed with it that makes it less useful as an explosive. I think the US military has a gasoline bomb that works in two stages. The first stage spreads the gasoline into a fine vapor and then ignites the vapor. Because the gasoline is in a vapor, every bit of gasoline has oxygen from the air to react with and all of the energy can be released quickly.

Back to the original point - cars can burn intensely, but they don't explode regardless of how bad the gas tank is designed.

[jmowreader]

60. The bomb you are talking about doesn't use gasoline

It uses ethylene oxide. Because Ethylene Oxide is already a gas, they don't have to vaporize it before setting it off. Gasoline is used in napalm...which, in its current form, was invented at Harvard University. The first place they tried it on was the Harvard football field - on July 4, 1942. (History did not record whether they napalmed the field BEFORE or WHILE Harvard's shitty football team was on it.)

Thanks for your explanation, but when flames are shooting out of a car the first thing a guy's gonna think is, "oh shit, this thing's gonna explode and kill fifty Republicans..."