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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI have a black eye...
I got into a fight last night with this big fat bastard who was trying to break into my home. He got a shot in but I ended up kicking his ass and he ran away. I got the black eye after I slipped on the ice and slammed my temple into the corner of the car door. I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.
Update:
I just heard from the Lima Police Department (Lima, Ohio). that this EXACT kind of break in was reported many times last night and I was not the first. In fact many N.R.A members reported taking a few shots at this lunatic. I heard 1 person who said that "If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms." Sad isn't it?
From UPI:
"According to recent reports from the L.P.D. "This is not a 'LONE' perpetrator, but the work of a TEAM", consisting of one man and one woman. The woman, apparently being a prostitute, as the main 'Person of Interest' in these break ins, was heard, multiple times, calling out for the help of his 'Ho' according to unconfirmed reports."
People just seem to go nuts during the Holiday Season. This incident has convinced me to join the NRA and buy a weapon to protect my home from unwanted intruders. And I hope the NRA pamphlet explains the difference between -an intruder- and -an unwanted intruder- because I would hate to draw down on the WRONG intruder. I could probably find the definition under a subtext if I looked up the difference between rape, and REAL rape, but I digest...invest...divest...uhmmm....wait..... digress...yeah that's it...DIGRESS.
Merry Christmas Everybody.
P.S. It sucks that I had to turn this bag of goods he left here over to the L.P.D. As I looked thru it before they arrived and I would have LOVED to own ALL the crap in the bag. It's almost like I ASKED for this stuff. How strange is that?
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)hollysmom
(5,946 posts)it i quite possible, he had a get away sleigh.
tazkcmo
(7,300 posts)....a car door. You slipped. Sure you did.
But seriously, good on you and glad you're ok.
on edit: Got me! Double good on you!
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)That was good.
TexasTowelie
(112,252 posts)Isn't that what the intruder was saying? The Lima PD is looking for you.
passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)They'll all be too busy playing with all the toys and pc games.
KentuckyWoman
(6,688 posts)Old guy with a bushy beard. Stole cookies from about every apartment in our complex.
LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #9)
Name removed Message auto-removed
MerryBlooms
(11,770 posts)qwlauren35
(6,148 posts)I totally did NOT get this. I was trying to figure out why a DU member would join the NRA.
I simply do not associate Christmas with "Santa Claus" even though we had stockings that got magically filled overnight.
Good one.
a2liberal
(1,524 posts)It took a few comments in for it to click (but at least before I got to one that said it was a joke...)
Omaha Steve
(99,662 posts)K&R!
OS
JustABozoOnThisBus
(23,350 posts)A glass of milk and a plate of cookies will generally result in your home not suffering any losses, and may in fact receive some of the items from the burglar's bag.
If you have no milk and cookies, a couple shots of single-malt, neat, will suffice.
ornotna
(10,803 posts)And it's all your fault. Put a slab of tofu on the eye, you'll be ok.
Response to Unknown Beatle (Original post)
Liberty Belle This message was self-deleted by its author.
Flying Squirrel
(3,041 posts)Is if people stop believing in fairies.
Or something like that
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)I was all shook up.
Flying Squirrel
(3,041 posts)Snobblevitch
(1,958 posts)educational, and humorous.
The rest of it, not so much.
You gotta leave 'em hanging.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)treestar
(82,383 posts)very clever indeed!
happynewyear
(1,724 posts)I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.
Best laugh around here in a long long time!!!
& rec!