Scalia Better Off in “Less Advanced” Court

[DreamGypsy]

...from The Borowitz Report:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new study conducted by legal scholars indicates that Justice Antonin Scalia would fare better if he served as a judge at a court that was “less advanced” than the United States Supreme Court.

According to the study, Scalia’s struggles to perform his duties in a competent fashion stem from his being inappropriately placed on a court that is “too demanding” for a person of his limited abilities.

“Forcing Justice Scalia to weigh in on complex legal issues that he lacks the background or aptitude to comprehend is, at the end of the day, cruel,” the study said.

The legal scholars theorized that Scalia would be more likely to thrive in a “lesser court where he does not feel that he is being pushed to hear cases that are too challenging for him.”

“If Scalia were reassigned to a ‘slow track’ institution such as a town traffic court, that would be better for everyone,” the study recommended.

Seems to me his arguments are best suited to a kangaroo court:

A kangaroo court is a judicial tribunal or assembly that blatantly disregards recognized standards of law or justice, and often carries little or no official standing in the territory within which it resides. Merriam-Webster defines it as a "mock court in which the principles of law and justice are disregarded or perverted". The term may also apply to a court held by a legitimate judicial authority who intentionally disregards the court's legal or ethical obligations.

[longship]

1. Fucking beautiful!!

Well done, Borowitz. Sometimes ridicule is the only appropriate response. Andy regular gets to the core of issues by ridiculing them.

The Onion also accomplishes this same high art.

I hold both of them in very high esteem.
R&

[Hortensis]

2. LOL. But this parody is about Scalia's mistakes and

and increasingly erratic statements over the past 3 years or so that have most observers seriously questioning his competence. He's pushing 80.

BTW, there's more than one direction incompetence can come from. This Supreme Court Justice is a science denier. Speaking at his granddaughter's graduation: “Class of 2015, you should not leave Stone Ridge High School thinking that you face challenges that are at all, in any important sense, unprecedented. Humanity has been around for at least some 5,000 years or so, and I doubt that the basic challenges as confronted are any worse now, or alas even much different, from what they ever were.”

[ThoughtCriminal]

3. And by less advanced, we don't mean any court in the United States

He is much more suited for the Spanish Inquisition or some 3rd-world dictatorship.

[Gothmog]

4. I love good satire

[valerief]

5. I love Andy Borowitz!

[Dont call me Shirley]

6. BRAVO!

[kairos12]

7. Exile him to a food court.

[KT2000]

9. +100!!!

[Octafish]

11. Kangaroo's done.

A real fixer upper, that fascist.

[hifiguy]

8. Said "Borowitz" to myself when I read the subject line.

Was right.

[Octafish]

10. All of a sudden the smartest guy in the room is a satirist.

Again.

Good.

[Liberal_in_LA]

12. Lol