I've been damned to hell. That was sure fun.

[KentuckyWoman]

Last edited Sun Nov 29, 2015, 10:40 AM - Edit history (1)

Fundie Christians have a way of going all sorts of goofy if you mention anything about cavemen or dinosaurs.

Her - I'm having a hot flash.
Me - Yeah I managed to escape that by having a hysterectomy at 32.
Her - But I've been having them since 40. (She's mid 50's)
Me - Well think of it this way...... the cave women were mostly dead by 40 so this ain't so bad.
Her - There's no such thing as cavemen..... the bible says they lived to 600 years........ (arm flapping - bible waving)
Me - (not realizing I've smacked a hornet's nest already) But but but..... you realize there were living things that aren't in the Bible... you know.... dinosaurs.... Chinese people....... early man who lived in caves.........
Her - No... everything is in this Bible it's all I need...... YOU need to read this....
Me - But but but......... stammering with shock.
Her - When you get to judgment day God is going to hold you accountable.... YOU need to read this or you'll be going to hell.
(followed by stopping off with her bible, slamming doors and yelling at my poor brother probably standing naked in the bathroom trying to have a shower)


Ugh.

Family..........



UPDATE --- next morning and lo and behold her holiness can't drag her butt out of bed to go to church this morning. You'd think she'd be the first one in the car.

[elleng]

1. Oh golly!

So sorry!

Was so pleased to have a rational conversation with my son in law. They're Bernie supporters, and understand why I support O'Malley, and understand (not really 'understand,' but know about it,) all the crap others are going through (like you.)

[Person 2713]

2. So sorry you have family like this

But glad you can have some fun with it

[KentuckyWoman]

18. I just feel bad for my brother.

First because his wife has gone stark raving and 2nd because he's getting the butt end of all this.

[Person 2713]

19. Just hope he never joins in on the insane party

[Yorktown]

3. You incited her anger, nasty you

Speaking of cavemen to a fundie? Not seeing the danger?

Gee, you've not built your defenses yet.

I'm available for tuition, but you'd have to put up with gallows humor about religion.

[Hydra]

4. *Laughs*

As if an omnipotent and omniscient being would send you to eternal torment for not reading a book written by a bunch of old wackos.

"And I thought my jokes were bad..."

[ThoughtCriminal]

5. Are hot flashes mentioned in the Bible

or is it a premonition of Hell?

[3catwoman3]

6. Ooh -

- excellent point.

[valerief]

7. These STOOOOPID people can vote and breed. That's frightening. nt

[LiberalAndProud]

8. Hot flashes and hormone changes can make a person very testy.

Add that to religious certainty -- Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

[LiberalElite]

20. I recall a couple of those days at the office

I knew I was being nasty to people for no apparent reason and I really could not contol it. It got so bad that my boss said "if you don't feel well tomorrow, why don't you take the day off&quot !!)

[Grey]

9. So sweet you didn't thump that bible over her head.

I have so much trouble holding my self back when I encounter those beings......
I love you for being so forgiving. Perhaps you could mention how sorry you are that her faith is so shallow that she can't handle any questions about it? I know this is always countered by "You have to have Faith, or You need to believe".

I never understood "Belief will make it so" sort of like Captain Picard when saying "Make it so" He may have been right.

[Warpy]

13. ...or boot her out of the car miles from home

which is what I'd have done.

No way to pull out my favorite line when I'm driving if somebody tries to send me to hell, "Wow, I knew god was dead, but I hadn't realized you'd gotten his job! Congratulations!" Hard to do the appropriate congratulatory handshake with a stick shift in the way and eyes on the road.

I'd just have to boot 'em out.

[UTUSN]

10. Yip, a couple of my family were told by other practicing Catholics

that they will face that judgment because of voting for Dems regarding Choice.

[MisterP]

11. the Rapture?

pinkos!
creationism? Adventist heresy!

[rusty quoin]

12. Her: I'm having a hot flash

Me: Thats a God flash. Truely believe in Him and they will go away.

[ismnotwasm]

14. I always ask them "Why do you put your God in a box"

If you read Job, God basically says he can do whatever the fuck he wants and he doesn't have to answer to anyone. Those biblical cherry pickers are strange.

[cwydro]

15. Dang, you went from hot flashes to cavewomen?

[KentuckyWoman]

17. I know.

Between the two of us we could leap Jupiter but I don't think that is in the bible either.

[smirkymonkey]

16. Ok, I will now stop complaining about my dysfunctional family Thanksgiving.

I don't have anything on you! Sorry about that!

[hobbit709]

21. At least you'll be in good company.

[Generic Brad]

22. I did not see that part in the user's manual that came with my soul

That's what I get for not reading the fine print - eternal damnation!