Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form

[iandhr]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After announcing, on Thursday, that it would seek $500 million to help “train and equip appropriately vetted elements of the moderate Syrian armed opposition,” the White House today posted the following Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form:

Welcome to the United States’ Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:


As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is:
A) Moderate
B) Very moderate
C) Crazy moderate
D) Other


I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:
A) Truth
B) Justice
C) The American Way
D) Creating an Islamic caliphate

If I were given a highly lethal automatic weapon by the United States, I would:
A) Only kill exactly the people that the United States wanted me to kill
B) Try to kill the right people, with the caveat that I have never used an automatic weapon before
C) Kill people only after submitting them to a rigorous vetting process
D) Immediately let the weapon fall into the wrong hands

I have previously received weapons from:
A) Al Qaeda
B) The Taliban
C) North Korea
D) I did not receive weapons from any of them because after they vetted me I was deemed way too moderate

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/moderate-syrian-rebel-application-form

Know this is old but I thought it was relevant again.

[Jesus Malverde]

1. So true.

To call the Jihadist in the FSA, Syrian Democratic Army or whatever name they cook up next anything but terrorists is a joke. Even the Kurds are considered terrorists by the turks.

I hate the term "rebels" its an insult to the many who have been their victims as they rampage through cities and villages. We ofter hear that 250,000 Syrians have died in the civil war. Of that aprox. 200,000 are Syrian Army soldiers who have died fighting islamists.

One mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter is always true. That we would repeat our mistakes from Afghanistan. Through our support of these Islamic extremists. People who want to destroy a secular government that is the glue in a multi ethnic, multi tribe society is the high degree of risk some in the United States like Lindsey Graham and John Mccain are willing to take.

In a 3d chess world I have always assumed the sponsors of these fighters are sending them on a one way trip. It's not like the saudi monarchy and the gulf states and turkey want thousands of fanatical battle hardened fighters to return home and threaten their own regimes after the war. It's a convenient way to deal with their surplus populations of ideologues. Syria could be seen from a cynical perspective like a honey pot or roach motel for extremists, unfortunately some will get away to cause terror in other places..