On the Violence in Paris: Stop the Grief Shaming
I’m saddened by some of the posts I’m seeing on social media, chastising those who are expressing love and solidarity in the wake of last week’s violence in France. Moments of great empathy are not a social failing. If anything, they are an opportunity to build better and expand our collective compassion. Posts that more or less amount to, “if you care about this, but didn’t post about [insert tragedy here], I’m judging you” help nothing and heal nothing. When people living in a desensitized society have opened their hearts to grieve the suffering of others, there is a potential for a widening dialogue that shouldn’t be lost in the shuffle of social media angst.
This should certainly be a moment of greater realization. It should be a moment of understanding the connectivity of violence and certainly a moment to reflect on what society may have averted its eyes from over time – and of realizing that the recent attacks in Paris, and the violence of imperialism and colonialism, are really all part of the same tragedy. And while we should challenge one another to recognize the connectedness of international violence, and to extend our grief to encompass that which is less familiar, and often unseen within the scope of popular media, spite and vitriol will never build the bonds that will help reshape the course of history for the better.
As a Native woman, I understand the pain of erasure. I know it well. And when I am hurt by it, my anger and sadness are certainly valid. People should be paying attention to the police killings, rampant suicides and ongoing displacement of my people. It’s more than reasonable for people whose pain and loss are invisibilized to express grief and anger that their suffering goes unseen. But for those who would endeavor to lift up those issues in our names, or to speak on behalf of others whose struggles they have not experienced, I think it’s fair to expect a more thoughtful and nuanced approach than I have seen from many this past weekend.
The work of swaying those who don’t understand or agree with you is much more difficult than simply demanding an attitude adjustment. It’s a matter of social transformation, and the work of transformation must be nuanced and constructive. It can at times be fueled by anger. I feel that anger myself, but I do my best to not to allow those feelings to isolate me from people who I believe have the potential to understand and work with me. It’s not easy, and I don’t always succeed in holding back my anger, but for those who are not directly affected by these oppressions, the path of discourse is a much simpler one: broadening empathy.
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http://transformativespaces.org/2015/11/14/on-the-violence-in-paris-stop-the-grief-shaming/
