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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsChristian Anti-Masturbation's Mascot "Fappy" Arrested for Masturbating Naked With The Dolphins
at Sea World in San Diego. (Satire)
Here is Fappy's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin
Fappy was just spreading the "Seed" of his faith around!
CBS BREAKING NEWS
Fappy arrested at Sea World
Paul Horner,
San Diego, CA In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested today for masturbating in public. The mascot, along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 37-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.
Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.
We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, They need to stop playing on the Devils playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devils doorbell, we thought he was insane, Downey said. Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.
More:
http://cbsnews.com.co/christian-anti-masturbations-mascot-arrested/
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Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)Monk06
(7,675 posts)On edit. A satire but easily could be true and wish it was lol
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)Heeeeers Johnny
(423 posts)[img][/img]
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randome
(34,845 posts)[hr][font color="blue"][center]"Everybody is just on their feet screaming 'Kill Kill Kill'! This is -hockey- Conservative values!"[/center][/font][hr]
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 37-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.
Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.
We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, They need to stop playing on the Devils playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devils doorbell, we thought he was insane, Downey said. Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.
Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback.
Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his countless visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done amazing things, Childs said. It is a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He is passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy and he especially loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him; they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the San Diego five-oh, such a shame. Childs continued, These lies about Fappy sicken me to my very core. The security guards who observed the crime in question need to be investigated. What is their motive? Are they masturbators? Are they agents of Big Masturbation? What are their crimes? These are the questions that must be addressed. Furthermore, we have found that, over the years, the only thing that Fappy beats are all the fraudulent charges brought against him. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this misunderstanding is resolved.
Pretty sure this is a spoof site but still...
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Good satire is indistinguishable from reality.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,836 posts)The name "Fappy" should be a dead giveaway that it's fake, though.
ruffburr
(1,190 posts)He Went Blind and thought they were Mermaids!!!
jmowreader
(50,562 posts)cali
(114,904 posts)beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)cali
(114,904 posts)jberryhill
(62,444 posts)This is easily the fourth go-round for dear old Fappy at DU.
restorefreedom
(12,655 posts)thank gods....we need your voice!
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)NobodyHere
(2,810 posts)Warpy
(111,339 posts)but honestly, "fappy?" This has got to be satire.
hobbit709
(41,694 posts)Portland, OR In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation was arrested yesterday in Portland, Oregon for masturbating in public.
edgineered
(2,101 posts)Further proof that he's delusional are his thoughts about how he will make changes inside jails:
marble falls
(57,204 posts)Yavin4
(35,445 posts)They call him Fappy, Fappy, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, spanks it harder than he,
And we know Fappy, lives in a world full of wonder,
Fapping there-under, under the sea!
Iggo
(47,565 posts)Nicely done.
RandySF
(59,224 posts)Heeeeers Johnny
(423 posts)Is Michael Moore really making a movie about an anti-masturbation dolphin called Fappy?
It would be hilarious if filmmaker Michael Moores next documentary were about the anti-masturbation movement and a mascot called Fappy the Dolphin. But it's probably not going to happen: The whole thing, from the bogus film down to the puppet itself, appears to be an elaborate hoax by online trolls targeting the Westboro Baptist Church and controversial agriculture company Monsanto.
A presumably fake press release issued this morning on a suspicious-looking site called PRlog.org states that Moores new film, Fappy, will focus on a character called Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin who travels to different towns and schools teaching children about the dangers of self-love and warning that masturbation is the gateway to rape. It is supposedly coming out in December.
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dembotoz
(16,832 posts)Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)rurallib
(62,448 posts)isn't that like trying to stop the sun from rising?
Babel_17
(5,400 posts)The web address strikes me as odd, and the site doesn't seem to be totally operational.
http://cbsnews.com.co/category/world-news/
Is the .co in http://cbsnews.com.co for comedy?
Edit: OK, I should have read through the thread first.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Babel_17
(5,400 posts)That pray away the gay guy on The Colbert show showed that sometimes, yes, they are serious.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)from The Oatmeal's How to suck at your religion:
Enrique
(27,461 posts)it would have happened in Florida.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Seems to me they're a ripe target.
Hmmmm, interesting.
Takket
(21,625 posts)this is pretty much a microcosm far right Christianity in America, isn't it? Expect everyone to follow your principles, but do for yourself whatever you want.