"I'm getting wet and wood at the same time!" . . . Please come CAPTION Bill O'Reilly!!!

[skip fox]

Bill ("Want a ride on my falafel?&quot O'Reilly is saying: "It's no secret that the liberal press is fixated on issues like Mark Rubio's personal finances, Donald Trump's bankruptcies, and Ben Carson's colorful past. . . . But here at Fox News we don't roll like that. . . . We're not into denigrating a person just to bring him or her down. . . . In fact, even if we wanted to, we're far too busy investigating the myriad scandals surrounding Hillary Clinton to partake in any such shenanigans."

[99th_Monkey]

1. It's impossible to parody this, it parodies itself. O'Rielly don't need no stinkin Borowitz or Onion.

[underpants]

2. The press doesn't follow Fox already?

Well, that's news to me.

[Johonny]

3. I'd like to point out once again that George Will is raping young boys by denying them my book.

I'm not saying he literally rapes young boys. I don't know that. He might be, but I don't know for sure. I'm just saying that Ronald Reagan was a great president. He was almost as great as my book about him. Do not believe the lies coming from the Reagan cabinet playing the liberal defamation game to hurt my book sales. George Will and the other boy touching liberal media want to do one thing, destroy our great image of Ronald Reagan and make sure that America's young men everywhere don't know the truth that Reagan died for the liberal's sins. Remember the book is half off starting Tuesday so get it now while supplies last.

[skip fox]

4. O'Reilly is saying:

"And if you don't believe me, just ask me if I would lie to you. If I said I would, then it's all a blooming lie. . . But it I said I wouldn't, then the logic is clear: I'm incapable to lying. . . . It's as simple as that. . . I repeat: All you have to do is ask me, and I'd tell you one of two things. Yes I would, and I'd be lying. Or no I wouldn't which then would have to be the truth. . . You just can't argue with logic!'"