GOP Debate #3 Wrap-Up
OK, time for our wrap-up of last night's Republican debate, which I did not watch, but that really isn't necessary for this exercise.
Ben Carson: Softly mumbled gibberish while proudly displaying his ignorance of, well, everything relevant to the job of being the president.
Carly Fiorina: Lied. Then lied about whether she is a liar.
Donald Trump: Bragged. Then bragged about being a braggart and blamed the media for portraying him as such. Finally, he attacked everyone in the arena for being losers, including the audience members.
Marco Rubio: Admitted that he hates debates and just wants to be president, not present.
Jeb Bush: Quite properly scolded Rubio for refusing to do his job as a U.S. Senator, yet managed to lose points in the exchange between the two on the matter.
Ted Cruz: Provided ample evidence for us building a wall at our border -- our one with Canada, that is.
Mike Huckabee: Blamed his BFF Satan for everyone forgetting that he is even in the race.
John Kasich: Made perfect sense and portrayed himself as the only real conservative and traditional post-Reagan Republican, thus, completely eliminating himself from the race.
Following its airing of the "debate", CNBC announced that due to its ratings success, the GOP Variety Hour will become a staple of the cable network's new Fall lineup of comedy offerings.
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Wait, yes I can. 
