Stolen from Dr. Strange in the sports forum: The NFL Punishment Generator.

[trumad]

I am suspended 5 games for using the word "Douchebag".

http://deadspin.com/taste-roger-goodells-wrath-with-our-nfl-punishment-gene-1720846778

[tularetom]

1. I was suspended for three games

For taking a dump in the end zone to celebrate scoring a TD.

Of course I lied about making Roger Goodell look bad.

[missingthebigdog]

2. 2 game suspension

For using Roger Goodell's name in vain.

[shenmue]

3. I was suspended ten games for a fight in a bar

[KamaAina]

4. Perfect!

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended 4 games because, in your words: “Deflated some footballs.”

[Brother Buzz]

6. Five game suspension

You have been suspended 5 games because, in your words: "I moved the goalposts"

Then I was suspended a second time - Do twin suspensions run concurrently or consecutively? I'm afraid to ask them for fear of being suspended for the entire season.

You have been suspended 9 games because, in your words: "I ejected the zebras from the game"

On edit: If the suspensions run consecutively, I'm out for the season! 9 + 5 = 14 and there are only 11 games left. Crap, I'd miss 3 games next year and I'm just entering the negotiation phase of my contract renewal. Shit!

[Dr. Strange]

7. You're also suspended three more games...

for stealing the link that I stole from deadspin, ya douchebag.

[madinmaryland]

8. I was suspended for 4 games for putting 20 people on ignore

N the sports group.

[RockaFowler]

9. Only 20??

[snooper2]

10. Damn, You have been suspended 9 games because, in your words: “I made fun of a ginger”

HARSH!

[Chan790]

11. I got 6 games! Six!

Just for being poly. Okay, one of my partners is in an open marriage. And okay, yes, there are photos and video. Also, yeah, perhaps a little weed and alcohol was involved.

But...six games for consensual mutually-enjoyed victim-less fun seems extreme.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

12. I am suspended 6 games for rapping while white, Canadian, bald and eating mayonaise. nt

[Dr. Strange]

13. You have been suspended 6 games because, aw c'mon fuckin' guy!

(Which is a clear violation of Rule 32, paragraph 3, subsection shizzle.)

[trumad]

14. This is turning into a fun thread.

[Blue_Tires]

15. Deadspin?

[trumad]

16. Find out your suspension for hating Deadspin.

[Yavin4]

17. 8 games for cursing

What kind of fucking shit is that?

[petronius]

18. What!?! Indefinite suspension for voting leave on a 6-1 hide

You have been suspended indefinitely because, in your words: “Voted leave on a jury that was 6-1 to hide”

[SidDithers]

19. 1 game for mocking a Putin boot-licker...

I can do 1 game in my sleep.

Sid