PA Amish County Clerk Refuses to Issue Driver's Licenses, Tabs

[MineralMan]

http://www.newsyoushouldntbelieve.com

'DRIVE THESE,' INSISTS STUBBORN COUNTY CLERK
Exclusive by Hans N. Reins
9.2.2015 - Amish Country, PA

Renegade County Clerk, Adolph King, has a new policy. Based on his Amish heritage, which stresses simplicity and avoidance of relying on technology, he is refusing to issue driver's licenses and vehicle tags to local residents. Local outcry has been fierce and immediate.



When asked what authority allows him to unilaterally refuse to perform his duties, King simply looked toward the sky and said, "The highest authority, of course. People do not need those "English" autos and trucks. They can drive buggies without any license at all. It's much safer, too."

Citing an inability to continue to encourage driving motor vehicles, based on his deep beliefs, King added, "I will not be swayed from this. They can take it to the courts, but I will stand firm." Prophetic words, perhaps, since court cases have already been filed by disgruntled drivers with expired licenses and tabs.

As more details become available, you'll read about them right here, we hope.

[brucefan]

1. I see what you did there.

I think

[Raster]

2. Thank you Mr. Man! Awesome comic relief!

[RKP5637]

3. Preaching from the "Clerk's Pulpit!" I knew it, I knew it! IMO expect more of this until this

nation gets its act together that we have separation of state and church. This country is NOT to be run based on imaginary invisible beings and archaic ramblings in ancient texts and delusional individuals.

[MineralMan]

5. Where will it all end, I wonder?

Every Clerk a Tyrant!

I understand that could become the new motto of the National Association of County Clerks, perhaps.

[RKP5637]

11. Oh Mighty "Clerk of the Pulpit," may I please have my dog's license/tags renewed?

[MineralMan]

12. Only if it meets our breed requirements, sir or madam.

On principle, we do not issue licenses to small, yappy mixed breed dogs, such as yorkie-poos, maltie-poos and shittie-poos.

[RKP5637]

15. Almighty Clerk, then let me show you to my pet Mountain Lion I want to register!

[MineralMan]

16. No problem, but I suggest it be neutered.

This office does not license cats in any case. They cannot be owned by a human. Humans evolved to be the personal servants of the feline race. It is their destiny.

[RKP5637]

17. So true! Cats rule, clerks are subservient to the feline race!!!

[Glassunion]

25. Isn't everyone subservant to the feline race?

I don't own my cats. They own me.

[RKP5637]

30. Yes, definitely! Mine certainly did. Told me when to get up, go to bed, when to eat,

everything in my life was managed by my cat!

[dixiegrrrrl]

18. PETA clerks................

No fishing licenses
No hunting licenses

[MineralMan]

19. Absolutely. Personal beliefs trump all, and

those County Clerks hold all the cards, it seems.

[Feeling the Bern]

29. Vegan clerks: No business licenses for slaughter houses

Hindu clerks: No business license for anyone that sells beef.
Muslim clerks: No alcohol or tobacco licenses.

In today's America, "It's against my beliefs" is code for "I'm a fucking intolerant, insecure, narrow minded bigot who is so afraid of anything different that I will work to deny others and force my intolerance on them."

[MineralMan]

4. Note: After much work, problems with

Last edited Wed Sep 2, 2015, 01:20 PM - Edit history (1)

This source appear to have been solved. The http://www.newsyoushouldntbelieve.com server is now much more accessible. That should end all complaints about links to this vital news source, I think.

[SidDithers]

23. ...

Sid

[MineralMan]

24. Yes. I'm hoping this will be a rich resource as time

goes by. Satire Matters!

[liberal N proud]

6. Frees up the roads for the buggies.

[MineralMan]

7. Indeed! Think of all the energy savings, too.

This could end our reliance on petroleum-based fuels, as well. Good news all around!

[liberal N proud]

8. The Amish are not too concerned about oil dependence

[yellowcanine]

9. Actually Amish use kerosene for lighting and have propane refrigerators.

And many have tractors and gasoline engines for farm work. They also ride in hired cars and vans for longer trips.

[yellowcanine]

10. Funny but a minor problem with this construct is that PA county clerks do not issue driver's

licenses or vehicle tags. Not to mention that most Amish would not be permitted to do the work of a County Clerk, whether elected or appointed.

[MineralMan]

13. Ah, details.

It's the media, you see. They pay scant attention to such things, as we have all observed.

[Historic NY]

14. Snort...

[JohnnyLib2]

20. A big thank you from a Kentuckian--

in a county-with-law-abiding County Clerk.

[MineralMan]

21. I believe that all of the County Clerks in Kentucky,

except this individual one, are issuing licenses. As they should.

[Dont call me Shirley]

22. Chees aye yai wonst or twiest nah! Them bucky makers vil rake in the bic bucks, nah!

[valerief]

26. Funny! nt

[LynneSin]

27. How bad can the Amish be when they have a town named Intercourse

Seriously!

[MineralMan]

32. Indeed.

[Feeling the Bern]

28. I love it when the Amish use the word "English" as a way of feeling superior due to their

devotion to a sky-daddy that no one has given one ounce of proof exists. Considering they speak English.

It clears my conscience when I call them "dinosaurs" or "cavemen."

[MineralMan]

31. Hmm...I think you may not be clear on the concept here.

That's OK, though.

[Feeling the Bern]

37. I dislike labels. It's a way of dehumanizing people.

And before I say I call them dinosaurs to cavemen due to their label, I refer to the golden rule: Do not do unto other the things you do not want others to do unto you. Treat people if the way you want to be treat. . .label me and I will do the same. You don't like my label, don't give me one to start.

[MADem]

33. Hilarious--I was just in Lancaster County....remarkable to see those guys up close~!

You see them in northern ME too, but they're Mennonites there; a bit more loose with the rules than the fundy Amish when it comes to 'wires' coming into the home, anyway!

[MineralMan]

34. We have a pretty healthy Amish community in

Minnesota, mostly in the southern part of the state. Iowa, too. Some Mennonite clusters, as well. Religion-based communities were pretty common in the upper Midwest, but seem to be fading out of existence quickly these days. The Amana colonies in Iowa have always been a favorite of mine.

[MADem]

38. I learned that they are in 32 (or maybe it was 34) states, and that they double in population every

twenty years. There are almost 300K of them nowadays. Average family size is huge--seven or more kids. A lot of times, when they run out of farmland, they go somewhere that land is cheap (like northern ME) and buy up the land there and start new settlements.

Supposedly, they retain four out of every five kids in the community, even after they let them go off on their "see the world" tours. I can see where there are aspects of the lifestyle that are healthy, but it's all too much work and too little play for my tastes. I like tee vee. I like the news. I like farting around on a computer. I can't see anything "fun" about having to walk a half mile to talk on a phone!

I do like the horses and the mules and the farm animals, though--I can't say I think much of the rigid gender roles and the paucity of education.

I don't think keeping people in the dark, clueless about the world around them, is particularly a virtue, but I think the people are generally kind and nice, nonetheless. I just don't understand why anyone would want to be willfully ignorant of the world around them.

[d_legendary1]

35. Question: Where do I park my buggie?

Do I have to detach the buggie from my horse in order for it to fit properly in parking spaces? Also my father-in-law wants to know if he can park his five horse powered coach in the disabled spot with his current permit.

Thanks!

[nichomachus]

36. What goes "Clip, clop, clip, clop, bang. Clip, clop, clip, clop, bang?"

An amish drive-by shooting.

[Admiral Loinpresser]

39. What do you call an Amish dude with his hand up a horse's arse?

A mechanic.

[treestar]

40. Funny!

That is the equivalent!

[ProfessorGAC]

41. Well Played, MM!

Great find.

[MineralMan]

42. Thank you!