Scott Walker Watches Candidates Emerge Shaken From GOP’s Female Experience Simulator

[KamaAina]

Yes, it is The Onion.

http://www.theonion.com/article/scott-walker-watches-candidates-emerge-shaken-gops-51193

Waiting in line and nervously watching as, one by one, his fellow presidential candidates took their turn inside the machine, Gov. Scott Walker told reporters Thursday that the GOP Female Experience Simulator had so far left every contender for the party’s nomination disoriented, confused, and deeply distressed.

According to Walker, the 16 male candidates sat restlessly in folding chairs that had been set up in the basement of Republican National Committee headquarters, waiting in tense silence until the time came for them to walk up to the entrance, open the hatch, and step inside the simulator, a mechanical device designed to mimic the experience of being a woman in the United States.

The two-term Wisconsin governor admitted the sight of his party rivals emerging bewildered from the rectangular metal box had left him intensely concerned about the horrors that awaited within.

“I have no idea what happens in there—none of us do,” said Walker, who noted that former Florida governor Jeb Bush had bounded confidently into the Female Experience Simulator, only to emerge minutes later looking deathly pale, clutching his head, and murmuring incoherently to himself. “I know (RNC chairman) Reince (Priebus) says we have to do this if we want to win, but right now I’m terrified to go in there. Whatever it is, that thing seems to be ripping everyone to shreds.”

[Angry Dragon]

1. I like me some onions

[ThoughtCriminal]

2. Carly Fiorina was also disoriented

After spending a few minutes experiencing a simulation of a woman supporting a family while working for minimum wage.

[central scrutinizer]

3. Mandated Sexual assault with an ultrasound wand will do that

Nfm