Republicans Worried Wrong A-Hole Is Fronting Their A-Hole Policies
http://www.politicalgarbagechute.com/republicans-worried-wrong-a-hole-is-fronting-their-a-hole-policies/
Speaking to the press after a campaign rally in his home state of Wisconsin, Governor Scott Walker (R) told members of the media that he and many of the other Republican candidates for president are “tremendiciously concerned” about Donald Trump. Walker, a man who spurns the merits of education, called Trump “a vacuous, stubborn, asshole who spews toxic crap everywhere he goes” but told reporters “that’s not not even close to why” he and his fellow GOP hopefuls are concerned about Trump’s run. According to Walker, it’s because Trump is “the wrong asshole for the job” that Walker doesn’t want him out front.
“It’s not that he’s an asshole — we’re all assholes. I mean, how do you live life in 2015 and honestly stand in front of the American people and tell them we don’t help the rich enough, but we help the poor too much,” Walker asked the reporters rhetorically. “Our polices are asshole policies. We’re against gay marriage so much we’d rather just stop issuing marriage licenses to everyone instead of being respectful of LGBT people,” Walker said, adding, “we flatly oppose health care reform, climate change solutions and even an historic nuclear arms deal with Iran, and all without offering a single, viable solution as the alternative. In fact, our solution is precisely to have no solution — because government solutions are bad to us, remember, so laziness excused as ‘principle’ is what wins the day for our voters. We are assholes.”
A few hundred miles away in Ohio, Jeb! (R-FL) was echoing Walker’s sentiments. Telling the press that “while [he] totally understand[s] Trump’s appeal and even is jealous of his ability to literally say the things we all want to say but are too afraid to” he is concerned about Trump’s unwillingness to couch his rhetoric in platitudes. “See, we Republicans aren’t afraid to front the nonsensical, antiquated policies of the past — like, say, supply side economics — but we always have to be sure to hide the subtext of our rhetoric. Trump just comes out and says racist, xenophobic and downright stupid stuff. It’s the stuff our base believes, and it’s the stuff they want to hear, but he’s doing it all wrong. This country needs a president with a family pedigree of championing stupid economic policies and woefully overly-aggressive and misguided wars that knows how to dress-up the Republican crazy with prettier words.”
“He’s just not very good at obfuscation,” Sen. Lyndsey Graham (R-SC) told an audience of about two dozen people at a doughnut shop just down the street from his studio apartment in Washington, D.C. Graham told those near him that “Republican politicians go through a grueling, 15-day bootcamp where you are ridden hard, you are hidden fast, and you are trained to say, think and feel the most horribly regressive things, but to do so in a way that makes you the victim if someone calls you out on it.”
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