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Fantastic Anarchist

(7,309 posts) Tue Aug 4, 2015, 02:00 PM Aug 2015

(Hilarious) Are Rogue Militants Preparing for War on American Soil?

As we passed through Caldwell for the third time in two days, Lanteri got a text from a psychic he had consulted. She was receiving vibratory feelings that the Special Forces might be in or around a town called Cooks Point. Checking Google maps, he discovered, a bit freaked out, that Cooks Point wasn't more than 10 miles up the road. Moments later, when the psychic sent another text, reporting that she was now picking up the image of "a lizard's head pointing south," Lanteri became entirely freaked out.

"Dude," he said, turning to me, "I've got a tattoo of an iguana on my back. We're driving north. That means it's pointing south."

Lanteri now decided it was crucial to drive down every single highway, county road and unpaved tractor path in the general Cooks Point region, looking for the image of a lizard — and not the one tattooed on his back. Maybe, he said, there was a property out there called the Salamander Ranch or something similar. As we neared Cook's Point, he swung the Hummer off the highway onto FM 1362, then down FM 166, where the asphalt turned to dirt and civilization radically thinned out. We saw angus cattle and Texas longhorns and wild hogs and the Turkey Ranch and the Beaver Creek Ranch and a peacock perched on a picket fence, but nothing even vaguely resembling a lizard.

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/are-rogue-militants-preparing-for-war-on-american-soil-20150804#ixzz3hrzqfwOJ
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Should read the whole thing. Absolute bonkers-style hilarity.