Father stories (aka: What did you learn from your father and/or as a father)

[Tab]

If you had a father or father figure in your life, what did you learn from him? And if you are a father, what are you learning or teaching?

My father passed away a few years ago. I have tried to take good parts from him, and ignore the bad influences, in raising my son and understanding life.

My father gave to me a love of books, sense of honor, sense of chivalry and gentlemanliness (sp?) curiousity, love for learning, drawing, fairness (usually).

I skipped the parts on that brand of discipline when raising my son (my father grew up in rough-and-tumble depression; his father (who passed long before I existed) was a rough-drinking womanizing tough. My father was better than his father in that regard, and I like to think I'm better yet. Only rule: just try to improve what you have before passing it along again.

As a father, I've learnt more patience than I thought; I've also enjoyed the unconditional love of a child, which I like to think I've returned a million-fold, but I like to think I have taught my child some of my values. My child is a young adult right now, and I'm fortunate to see a lot of the things I tried to put into place when he was young blossom as he became a young adult. I'd like to think I grew too. Of course, I'm seeing some things I did or didn't do come back to roost. I would do certain things differently next time, but that's between he and I.

I was the oldest, but I can see how when a parent gets down to their third child they are much more lax.

Side note: Doing something for Father's day. I understand the concept that Father's day is "dad's day" - he spent all year taking care of you, this is the one day for him. But I don't want anyone to bring me cigars and a martini and my slippers while I watch sports. I want to spend it with my son (as I have nearly every single year).

This year we're going to see a movie in iMax. It's been nearly a year since I've seen a movie. I just want to spend the day with my son. The movie is only part of it (you can't really talk 1:1 in a movie). My day is cleared for him, because that's what means the most to me as a father.

TL;dr - his whole life - even now as he ends his teens - at night he gives me a hug and tells me he loves me. To me, that's success.

[marble falls]

1. The most valuable thing in the world, from my stepfather - empathy and how to be a good dad myself.

[MuseRider]

2. NEVER to beat your children

or even just smack them around because you felt like it.

It was a good lesson. I was actually a better mother because of the lessons my parents taught me in how not to be.

[Bonobo]

5. I was going to post the same thing.

I became a good father by doing what my father did not do.

[rurallib]

11. yep - said that very thing to my daughter the other day.

[Tab]

7. I alluded to this

As I mentioned, my father's father was a hard-drinking gambling womanizing adult, and the subtext was that he was disciplinarian. On the (rarely) funny side of things, he whooped my father at age 6 or so for painting flowers on his new car

Whatever between my father and myself is between him and me, but, long story short, I resolved never to hit my son. I remember half-heartedly trying to spank him when he was 3 (or 2). I wasn't very good at it and it didn't last very long. In fact, I've figured out that if I speak really softly to him most of the time, that the few times I do raise my voice (only once or twice a year), it's *extremely* effective.

[CanonRay]

9. My father was a hard drinking, gambling, womanizing adult

as well. We lost our home and were driven into poverty when I was a teenager. He had his good qualities, and I learned some things from him, but on balance, he was a pretty poor role model. I was born with his temper, but learned to control it because I did not want to be like him.

[Tab]

10. So you've improved on your history

I've always thought that I couldn't change my parents (or father) but could at least strive to improve on them. Bravo for you.

[CanonRay]

12. Yes, I was able to dig my way out

with the help of a college education partially paid for by the government. Without that, who knows? My father died relatively young and very broke. But, he's still my father, whatever, have to acknowledge that.

[ladjf]

3. Most importantly, I learned that I was always loved and respected.

I could go on for pages about all the fabulous information he taught me. But, I'll just close by saying that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Thanks Poppa for everything.

[Thinkingabout]

4. My father was a hard working man, life wasn't easy for him, he lost his mother at 8 years old, lived

through the depression, was a farmer and it was a 7/24 job at times. He loved the earth, it returned him the fruits, he knew how to grow many things. He loved his tractor and I can still hear the tractor running in the background in my mind. My parents gave me birth and wings, I will every be grateful. I was happy he was my father, my Daddy, and most of all he lived long enough we became very good friends. He passed away in 1993 and I am blessed by having him in my life.

[janlyn]

6. My dad taught me a lot of things

A love of history and science fiction. Patience, how to control a scorching bad temper ( you learn to control your anger or it will control you).
That you get paid for what you do in an hour, not for the hour, defensive driving and a whole lot of other great things!

[TexasProgresive]

8. This could be a very long list.

A little about my Dad. He was a WW II infantry veteran who saw a lot of combat, not that he talked about it, but he did. My grandmother said that her sweet boy went off to war and came back a monster. That monster is the Dad that I love.

He taught me to love and honor family, by being always faithful to the family, even when they pissed him off.
He taught me to show respect for everyone regardless of what they looked like or who they were. Again this was by his example.
He taught be to be a news junkie, a reader and a thinker.
I inherited a temper from him that I am learning to control.(about time at 65)
He taught me to be generous and not mean.
His ways have me waking up at 5AM even though there is no need, Thanks Dad!
I miss him every day and wish that I could have know the sweet boy who went off to war, but I am more than content to have had the Dad I got.

Oh yes he did give me a beating with a belt one time. He was currently a New Orleans fireman and he caught me playing with fire. I knew I was dead and ran. It was no use, but he never caught me again!

[Tab]

13. Pass along the best

restrain the worst

The world will be a better place

[hifiguy]

14. My dad wasn't a man one could be close to

But he gave me two great pieces of advice.

First, "work with your head, not with your hands" (he was a master heavy equipment mechanic).

Second: "Son, if you get your paycheck from another man, vote for Democrats. The rich can take care of themselves."

[malaise]

15. Lots of things

the importance of exercise - walking, running, swimming, stretching
most of what I know about sports
the reality that we are not more important than the man who makes coal
the fact that education matters
He also made us understand the importance of punctuality

Dad died in 1983 - I still miss him

[fizzgig]

16. dad was born at the tail end of the baby boom

grew up in nyc and hitchhiked out to colorado in his early 20s.

he never said anything about wishing he'd had sons, but he made sure my sister and i can do the things some men only teach sons. i can change a flat and my oil, i can split wood and build a fire, mowing the lawn was my chore when i got old enough and we'd play catch (both baseball and football) in the backyard. sundays during football season were always daddy-daughter days and were spent watching the games. he took me to a broncos game when i was 11 and sat in the cold just so i could be there. he even took, without comment or reaction, the horrible abuse i threw at him when he was trying to teach me to drive a stick

i am 34, moved out and married, but he will always help us out if we need it. he still fixes my car (i buy the parts and cook dinner) and will loan us some money if things get too tight.

he taught me to work hard and to be a kind, respectful, generous and loving person to all people and all animals.

we're a lot alike and fought a lot when i was young, but i never once questioned that he loved me.

[DiverDave]

17. My dad was a snake

used people, molested my sister, my cousin disappeared and he's the prime suspect. Never sent my mom a dime.
Haven't seen or heard from him since 88. Good riddance I say.
I have been separated from my kids mom for a year, give them 80-90% of my pay.
She uses them against me, she wouldn't find a job "cant find one" till her unemployment ran out.
She found one in a week. Just coinkedink, she says.
My kids didn't call today, not a surprise, but it hurts, man does it hurt.
She knows I vowed to not be like my dad, and she is taking advantage of it.

Not a good day for me all around.

[FLPanhandle]

19. I was too harsh judging my father while he was alive.

Looking back, he grew up dirt poor in the south. Worked incredibly hard to support his family. Tried to show us that he loved us but with a 1950's style of not showing emotion or ever actually saying it. He showed it by working on school projects with us, fixing our cars, taking us fishing, making our home open and welcoming for our friends.

He died without ever saying "I love you", but he said it in other ways.

[grntuscarora]

20. A love of the outdoors.

My dad passed that on to me, by teaching me how to fish and canoe. I begged him to take me camping, so he borrowed a tent from a friend and took me. He respected nature, and always left it as he found it, often he left it better than he found it. And especially, he seemed content to have a tomboy for a daughter who enjoyed doing these things.
In later years we disagreed on many things, but he passed on a love of the outdoors, and I thank him for that.