The End-of-Life Ridiculousness

[titaniumsalute]

My wife's grandmother is in hospice. We've been down this road before. The doctors proclaim that the organs are shutting down, the person stops eating and drinking, they are prescribed ample morphine for removing pain and increasing comfort, etc. The saddest part is it could take days or even weeks of withering away to nothing before the heart and body simply give up.

Grandma is already mostly gone at this point...a relatively deep slumber of the morphine cocktail. She was always a humble lady NEVER wanting to be a burden on anyone else. Now the whole family is here and will be gathered around the bed to watch her sadly die.

My question, which I have asked before, why can't we at least re-visit the euthanasia end-of-life option? I want to be able to ask for the opt out of the days or weeks on drugs and withering away as a way to make it easier on myself and my family someday.

[RKP5637]

1. I agree, euthanasia should be a choice. n/t

[elehhhhna]

3. Wow that's cruel

[Bonobo]

4. Did you miss this part?

"Grandma is already mostly gone at this point"

Maybe you should read a little more closely and listen before formulating your response.

[HERVEPA]

5. Bullshit response. Read the post a bit more carefully.

It is mostly about the dying person, and how the author of the post doesn't want to be a burden to others in the future

[MH1]

9. Please re-read the post

1) poster refers to belief that the current patient never wanted to be a burden on anyone

2) the question poster is asking about the euthanasia option, is about how the poster himself/herself can avoid this protracted process and avoid being a burden to others.

[titaniumsalute]

16. I read the hidden response

Thanks for having my back. You nailed my point that I wish grandma was afforded the option to quickly end her life if she desired. Who knows. She may have opted not to take that route. But it would have then been her choice to do so.

[merrily]

6. The Massachusetts legislature relegated this to a ballot initiative.

A right to die type group supported it. Religious groups opposed it. It was defeated.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massachusetts_Death_with_Dignity_Initiative

IMO, a belief in the supernatural is the only possible reason why my doctor and I cannot make a decision about the timing and manner of my death, once hope of recovery is not rational. This is government imposing religion on us to prevent death with dignity.

I am so very sorry about grandma and hope she passes gently. I am so very sorry for your family, too.

[spanone]

7. my brother laid in hospice for ten days until he basically starved to death.

the end was inevitable....yet prolonged.

[bettyellen]

21. But don't hospices do nothing to prolong life? I thought they just provided palliative care?

[PatrickforO]

30. Yes, palliative care. But you should know that our healthcare system STILL sucks.

Because most people think of a hospice as a nice place where someone can go when death is near. Maybe flowers, sunlight on the floor, nice grounds.

Nope. If you are the closest relative, hospice is YOU. The euphemism is 'home hospice care.' What that means to you is that you must arrange to take leave from your job, if such a thing is possible, to care for your loved one while they are dying. Hospice personnel come once or twice a week and mostly do stuff you can't do, like bathe the person.

It is very rough, and our bodies are pretty strong, even at the end, so it takes a long time to 'naturally' die. Days maybe, even weeks. With my mother it was three weeks, which was mercifully short, though she suffered terribly. With my wife's mother, it was nearly three months she lived with us while she was dying; it was either that or pay the price upwards of $5,000 per month or more for some nursing center to take care of her.

That was hell. On everybody. The good part was that she had dementia and so did not really know what a burden she'd become. That was the only real blessing.

But when someone in your family is 'diagnosed' as terminal by a physician, and you as the closest living relative qualify for 'home hospice,' then know that under that auspice, the death will be 'natural.' What this means is that nothing is done to prolong life, but you have to sit and watch the person you love, who was once young and strong like you were, slowly deteriorate. It can take days of suffering for the kidneys and other organs to shut down - this 'natural' death is pretty brutal. More so because it doesn't happen quickly.

[bettyellen]

31. Or years of suffering on my moms case. Just didn't see how palliative = prolonging life.

[spanone]

33. that's true.

[madokie]

8. When that day comes for me

I would hope that I can have that option. That day is approaching I might add.
I fear life where there is no more there there more than I do death.

[SaranchaIsWaiting]

10. ...

I hope you are with us for a long, long time, I say selfishly. I like how you think and how you write. I do understand what you mean, though.

I don't think I am afraid to die but I won't know till the time comes.

I have a close friend travelling in India and she wrote me the other day about the burning ghats in Varanasi, the Holy City. She said she felt it in the air, that feeling of peace, that feeling that death is not to be feared. It was hard for her to describe because it seems to be so different there than here but I think I got the gist.

[madokie]

12. Welcome to DU

Hope you enjoy this place. Its pretty awesome even though it has me pulling my hair out sometimes

[SaranchaIsWaiting]

19. Thanks.

I try to keep on an even keel here but sometimes that is not possible. The ole fight or flight thing kicks in.

[madokie]

32. That happens to the best of us

[Surya Gayatri]

22. Beautiful description of India's millenia-old wisdom about our inevitable end.

She said she felt it in the air, that feeling of peace, that feeling that death is not to be feared.

We have much to learn in this regard.

(And, welcome to DU! )

[BlueJazz]

11. Most Religious groups oppose any End-of-Life for one reason>

"What if a miracle happens and God intervenes and heals the person?"

Yeah, well God needs to get up off of his ass and start protecting people that go to church and still get their heads split open with a .45 caliber pistol.
..And then there's the crashing airplanes thing....

[GeorgeGist]

34. Yes

[Hoppy]

13. Jesus knows when its time for you to die.

Fuck anyone else who thinks different. And all the right wing politicians agree with Jesus.

[classof56]

14. So sorry for your current situation. Been there, know it's heartbreaking.

I live in Oregon. I have signed the paperwork that permits the end-of-life option you're talking about. based on a law passed some time ago. It's called an advance directive. There are other states that have such laws on the books, designed to honor a dying person's wishes and alleviate much of the agony associated with watching a loved one's prolonged suffering before it comes to its inevitable end. I voted for that law when it was on the Oregon ballot, and have been grateful for its passage ever since. It's not "pulling the plug" on anyone for whatever reason, it's honoring the person's wishes. It's called death with dignity.

Peace to you and your family.

[titaniumsalute]

17. Thank you!

[Thespian2]

15. If you live long enough,

you will witness far too many examples of the message in this post. I have seen enough of the slow-dying process...when your loved one enters a state where morphine produces a dying state, it is beyond the time for death to occur...

[titaniumsalute]

18. 100% agreed.

[OxQQme]

20. Death with Dignity

is legal in Oregon, Washington and Vermont.

http://www.deathwithdignity.org/access-acts

snip <How does a patient establish residency?
A patient must provide the attending physician proof of residency according to the states' laws. There isn't a timetable associated with establishing residency. Proof can include a state issued ID such as a driver's license, documents showing the patient rents or owns property in the state, state voter registration, or a recent state tax return. The attending physician must decide whether the patient has adequately established residency.

How long does it take to establish residency?
There is no minimum residency requirement. A patient must simply be able to prove he or she is a current, bona fide resident of Oregon, Washington, or Vermont.

Can a non-resident move to Oregon, Washington, or Vermont to use the law?
The law doesn't prevent anyone from moving to Oregon, Washington, or Vermont. However, reports show few—if any—patients have moved to Oregon, Washington, or Vermont to use the law.> un-snip



I sat beside my mom's hospital bed in Oklahoma for two weeks watching her wither away, tubes in her arms, oxygen mask, unable to converse, un-responsive to input.
Attending doc, in a midnight talk with me about options, said he could end it all by waving an electronic device over her pacemaker to shut it off and she would be gone in less than five minutes.

I feel your pain.

I live in Oregon, am 75 yrs old and have instructed my kids with legal papers to pull the plug when the time comes (hopefully not soon), and burn the remains.

I also wonder how much of this is profit oriented....thousands of dollars per day for the hospital stay.

[DamnYankeeInHouston]

25. It is very much about the money.

Most of what people shell out for health care is in the last few months.

[classof56]

28. Thanks for the clarifying info about our Death with Dignity law.

I too live in Oregon, I'm 77, and have signed the Advance Directive and Living Will instructing my survivors as to what to do when I no longer inhabit my body (like you, hope it's not too soon!). I have a cremation policy and want no service or memorial of any kind, so they're pretty clear about all that. Sprinkling my ashes over the Pacific would be just fine. I too am inclined to think the "keep 'em alive no matter what" mindset is pretty much profit-driven. Lost a dear family member last year, and it was again impressed upon me the importance of making it very clear what our wishes are prior to our exit from this earth.

So sorry to hear about your mom. It's hard to let go, of course, but even harder to watch a loved one suffer.

Peace and blessings.

[dembotoz]

23. At the time of my terminal diagnosis I hope I have facilities enuf to go to cabelas

And now that the GOP in Wisconsin has eliminated the waiting period...
Same day delivery and delivery
Speed the process along

[SHRED]

24. We treat our pets better

It's disgraceful how we allow torture at the end-of-life.

[Dustlawyer]

26. My dad suffered greatly during the long decline in his health due to congestive heart disease.

3 heart attacks, 2 bypass surgeries, and 10-12 angioplasties, and a pacemaker. The last year or so he was ready to go. No quality of life anymore, and zero chance of improvement. We didn't want to see him suffer any longer either. His death was a kindness that should have come long before it did.

[yellowwoodII]

27. book recommendation

Knocking on Heaven's Door by Butler.

[PatrickforO]

29. We can. When it comes to death with dignity I am STRONGLY pro choice.

If we are chronically ill with some horrible disease that wastes us away slowly; only temporarily held at bay by caustic chemicals which themselves are almost worse, then we should be able to summon our family, tell them we love them, say our goodbyes and then go into the great beyond.

In the particular realm of euthanasia, our society and health care system as they are now promote life at any cost regardless of its quality. We should differentiate here between assisted suicide, which is what I'm describing in the paragraph above, and euthanasia, which is in effect, putting someone to death who is so far gone they are in the 'relatively deep slumber of the morphine cocktail.'

Honestly, having had both my mother and my wife's mother die in our house under 'home hospice' care, I can say that I'm very strongly for assisted suicide, but when it is too late and the person no longer has the capacity to make in informed decision, what then? I know with my own mom, who died a horrible death of COPD, gradually drowning in her own mucous...well we had Mom set up on a hospital bed in the dining room, and a cradle monitor in case she was distressed. I can remember listening to the liquid sound of her struggling to take each breath and it was EVERYTHING I could do not to go down and just turn off the oxygen for a while...but I did not. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her, even though she was dying anyway. Not to mention that such an act would subject me to arrest, trial and conviction on murder charges.

So, I guess in my humble opinion, assisted suicide a resounding 'yes,' and euthanasia a much more subdued and sad 'no.'