Everyone can change so let's hold open the door

[Bonobo]

People are complicated. That's one thing I'm sure of. Even the ones that may seem simple have undercurrents, subterranean rivers of pain, doubt and anger swimming through them.

Life brings us signs, clues, opportunities for change. Sometimes we are ready for those signs, sometimes we are not.

People can act as catalysts for change in others or they can help point the way, or hold the door open and invite someone in.

It gets more difficult on the Internet. Take DU, for example. We think we have each other "pegged", "nailed"...

"Yeah, I see you." , "Now you're shown your true colors", "I know what you are."

But these simple conclusions fly in the face of what we know of human complexity, and ironically, these pronouncements, these conclusions, these preconceptions, actually help to SOLIDIFY and make concrete those aspect of a person by shoving them into an inescapable hole, a reputation pit.

I know. I am in one. It's hard to escape because the whole thing is like a vicious circle. The more you get pissed, the more you defend, the more you allow yourself to be baited and make statements that are as comically cartoonish and broad as the very holes you've been put in. In effect, you BECOME a caricature. It is hard to escape even if you know it's not who you really are.

I am guilty too, of not just being on the receiving end, but also prejudging others. And yet, I know that I also should offer a way out for those I have pigeon-holed. That, too, is hard.

I think this is not meta, because it holds true in the real world as well.

Today, as a change, I'd like to remember and encourage others to remember that we are, all of us, complex and full of contradicting impulses. Let's let others escape, if they are ready, from the holes they are stuck in because maybe it is the right time for some.

We won't know unless we open the door.

[Aerows]

1. There is a time to dig in your heels

and when you slip in the mud, a time to reach out for help.

[AuntPatsy]

2. Excellent

[Bonobo]

3. I see your signature pretty much says it.

Nice.

[AuntPatsy]

5. I try....it's not always easy... :)

[Fumesucker]

4. joshcryer uses a script that erases all identifying information, user name, avatar and so on

He has no idea who he is reading or replying to, perhaps we might all benefit from something like that, take away the preconceived notions and deal with each interaction as if we were coming to it fresh.

[Bonobo]

6. No kidding! That is wild!

I think it is a good idea, maybe a beautiful idea.

[joshcryer]

20. I posted about it here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/125610074

Of course I know some people in the thread now since people are posting names but there's no way around that...

It's more of a mechanical / technical approach but I have found it to be interesting. Also my participation has gone down a bit. I've admittedly put a few people on ignore because they just don't get it. I can hold no true animus but it was clear people were holding it against me.

[nadinbrzezinski]

7. We all do

I know that over two years of listening to people in the streets, I am not a partisan any longer

In fact, (and I know this will be seen as an attack by some here), I am starting to see that as part of the problem. It is the inherent tribalism of humanity. That really creates barriers and pre conceptions.

The TPP is a good example. Locally the alliance against it includes our local libertarian crew (some might call them Tea Party) and labor.

They agree on the broad strokes that this would be bad. Some of the details they all disagree, but in the big stroke... they do. So they put their truly minor differences to the side and are working together.

I could write a very long piece on this. I might, (but speaking of listening to people, today I had to do my coverage of city hall remotely, mom is visiting... so I used the live stream and recorded all on tape, but I need to do a lot of note taking from tape before I can write a pretty complicated story).

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

29. My conservative Repub ex boss and I used to talk politics all the time.

And we were in agreement about a lot of problems with society, even if we disagreed on solutions. But both being tech types, we also both were open to simply setting up multiple trials, with different places attempting different solutions, then seeing what actually worked and why, and what problems might result from the solutions to other problems.

[nadinbrzezinski]

31. And we have less and less of that

[Hekate]

8. Thank you for this post, Bonobo. It's both wise and compassionate....

....traits often missing from DU these days. Your post just lightened the atmosphere and elevated the discussion.

[Bonobo]

9. Thank you, Hekate, that means a great deal to me. nt

[Bonobo]

10. I'd like to kick this by myself cause I think (or thought) it was important when I wrote it.

[lovemydog]

11. I agree Bonobo!

We can sometimes get really pissed off and then we dig in our heels and go even further down a road. Or we can get really mad at a poster and say mean things. But like you say, we are all complex and full of contradicting impulses. I think it was Emerson who said 'Of course I contradict myself. I contain multitudes!' And guess what? If it wasn't Emerson, maybe someone will come along and tell me it was Whitman or Thoreau. Hey, that's what this place is for. There's always someone who is smarter than me about some subjects.

I always try and think of it like this. Someone can post 10 things in a row that I think are ridiculous. Then post like 10 or 20 things in a row that I love. So I try not to be too mean to anyone because why burn a bridge. We're all on the same side. Except for the trolls. And we often vary on who we think they are too, rofl.

[seaglass]

12. At least for me I don't pigeon-hole DUers based on simple conclusions, it is normally based on a

long consistent pattern of posts and behavior. That said, I agree that people can change if they want to.

[Bonobo]

13. Thanks for your response.

You didn't have to take the time to write a response and I appreciate that you did.

[bemildred]

14. Getting upset never improves the situation.

I figure if I'm angry, that is the first problem I have to deal with before I look at anything else. When you are angry you do dumb things, you hit "Send" when you shouldn't. You tell the boss off instead of quitting when you are ready. You make threats. Better to wait.

[Jefferson23]

15. Very thoughtful OP.

How we communicate with each other to work for the greater good is a reflection of how complex as we are as individuals.
If we do not make the effort on an individual basis, we won't see our long range goals for humanity realized.

[betsuni]

16. Speaking of comically cartoonish caricatures,

I'm a HUGE fan of the old Nagoya magazine The Alien's cartoon "Charisma Man." So funny. I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

"In effect, you BECOME a caricature. It is hard to escape even if you know it's not who you really are."

[Bonobo]

18. Sorry, I'm not familiar with that.

Never heard of the Nagoya magazine. Is it like a gaikokujin publication?

[betsuni]

22. Charisma Man. Google it.

Open the door.

[Bonobo]

25. My guess is that you're not being sincere, so I will pass.

Too much sarcasm evident.

Try to write something from the heart and that's what you get.

I'm sorry for you.

[betsuni]

27. HA!

I will gift you some Hello Kitty tissues to wipe your tears. I wasn't born yesterday.

[olddots]

17. so far this is the best thing I've read here

everyday we wake up searching for our identity by pigeon holing the world like we are hostages to our own insecurities . ( or something like that ) well anyway I agree with your op .

[cwydro]

19. K and r.

Good OP!

[closeupready]

21. Of course. Yesterday, I took all 30 or so members here off ignore.

I left one on because he's not here in good faith, but as to others, I'll give them all another chance. Eventually, the list will grow again. And then I'll do another amnesty. Etc.

Because YES, people can and do change. K&R

[Rex]

23. I have nobody on ignore, but my jury blacklist is full.

People do change...it is the ones that stay static that I am wary of.

[closeupready]

24. Yes, the ones who don't change are likely paid or neurotic.

But if we, generally, do not accept that persuasion works, then what ultimately do we think is the point of democracy itself? It's an interesting question to consider.

[Rex]

26. That is an excellent question that I will have to ponder!

Progress demands change. I think most here are real progressives that embrace the new and even the unknown. The risk is greater, but so are the rewards imo.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

30. I have some folks on ignore with whom I actually tend to agree.

I just don't seem to even be able to agree with them without drawing negative comments, much less air even nuanced disagreement. So it's just not worth my time to even interact with them, even if only to agree.

Others are folks who just seem to want to hurl insults at those with whom they disagree.

[prayin4rain]

28. I agree. Both people and any interesting idea worth discussing

are complex. Nuance, perspective, and context make things interesting. I'm always surprised when i find that two opposite conclusions started with the same positive intent. I find that a lot with parenting theories. Anyway, I digress, good post.

[joshcryer]

32. Kick!

I wanted to post a thread similar to this but I don't think I could've put it into the proper words. I think the OP did a fine job.

As is always the core of netiquette, we must remember there is someone on the other end of the keyboard. I admit I have failed many times to remember. It's a tough slog and with over two decades of internet chatting it's a hard thing to overcome. Things are becoming increasingly polarized and not just on DU, but on sites like Reddit, on gaming sites, on political sites, it's unfortunate. I have a theory as to what it seems to be happening everywhere online, but to say it's not our fault is giving us as conscious beings a pass, we're partly to blame even if there's some other polarizing effect social media is embracing.