It's amazing what influences a child...

[tavernier]

At age eleven I went with my parents to the beach at Lake Michigan. There were rides and several forms of entertainment (this was back in the fifties, so it wasn't Disneyland). My folks were sunbathing and I wandered off to see the attractions. There was a booth and inside there were penny machines. One older gentleman approached me and said, "Look in this machine... I'll pay the penny." He looked like a nice man, and besides I was taught to respect older people.

The pictures were of naked women, and as he turned the crank, they came to life, turning this way and that. I was stunned and confused. Should I run? And suddenly he had his hand on my chest.

Just as suddenly, my dad appeared and took me immediately out of the booth, back to where they were sunbathing. I was certainly relieved, but not prepared for the ride home.

Instead of being assured by my father and perhaps given instruction on how to avoid future problems, he spent our car trip home belittling me. Did I enjoy an old drunk fondeling me? Was this my dream man? Did I like it?

I know that he was angry and frustrated. But for many years after, I blamed myself for what had happened.

I'm not really sure if this relates to the Dugger girls, but I see them full of tears for what is going on with their family now and I wonder if they feel like they are the guilty ones. After all, they were responsible, simply by being there. As I was.

😰

[onecaliberal]

1. :

[Fumesucker]

2. My mother was angry with my father once and told me "You have an ugly (last) name"

I think I was about eight or nine at the time and my last name is one that's quite unusual and easily made into several insults by cruel children.

So I understand where you are coming from.

Looking back I can see where I made some comments to my own kids that they could have taken badly although I don't recall making them that way.

[MuseRider]

3. Oh yes.

Been there too. I see myself in ways that are so horrible and other people are amazed. When your parents tell you these things and it does not feel right it is even worse.

[Avalux]

4. I'm sure my mom thought nothing of this, but I felt horrible when she said it.

My mom and dad both have fair skin and light hair. Well, I didn't match either of them when I came out with black thick hair and olive skin. When I was little my hair was long and my mom liked to part it in the middle and braid it. She would joke that I looked like a little Indian girl. I do resemble my dad so I never worried about that.

So when mom got mad at me, she'd yell "if you don't behave I'm going to give you back to the Indians!"

Now, all my 5 year old brain knew about Native Americans was what I had seen in old westerns, so my perception was skewed towards the negative.

Imagine the terror when she'd yell that at me.

[Brickbat]

5. I'm so sorry your father reacted the way he did. You didn't deserve that.

You absolutely deserved someone who would tell you it wasn't your fault and that the man who made you watch the movies was in the wrong.

[tavernier]

6. He was a good man

and a good dad most of the time,but he was European and very old-school. Perhaps he thought that by humiliating me, I would learn a lesson.

My only intention with this post was to urge people to carefully consider their words when dealing with young minds.

BTW, I've never before told this story in writing, and can I say that your words to me were very kind and healing, many years later. Thanks!