Hamptons Police Dept acquire surplus submarine

[Exilednight]

In order to better protect local shores and keep an eye on East End boaters, the Hamptons Police Department added a military surplus submarine to their fleet this week.

/snip/



Hamptons PD marine patrol officers will be on the lookout for swimmers, surfers and boaters in distress, and will issue tickets to unlicensed operators of motorboats and to operators of all boats that are not carrying personal floatation devices. “We could even depth charge a large shark, should the need arise,” Hirsch said.

The submarine travels between 30 and 35 knots—or 56 to 65 kilometers an hour. It can travel almost the entire distance of the Hamptons’ southern shore in about 70 minutes.

Along with the submarine, Hamptons PD has recently acquired a “whole slew” of military equipment, Hirsch revealed. “As we speak, my men are doing various drills and practice engagements, including Free-for-All, Team Deathmatch, Mercenary Team Deathmatch, Headquarters, Capture the Flag, Team Tactical, Kill Confirmed and Search and Destroy scenarios,” he said.

I can't make this shit up.

http://www.danspapers.com/2015/06/hamptons-police-acquire-surplus-submarine/

[HooptieWagon]

1. Satire. Nt

[HassleCat]

2. But they can

Make it up, that is. Someone in the police department is having a little fun with the media, or the public, or both. A 30 knot sub has to be a nuke, and there's no way a local police force is getting a nuclear powered submarine. Also, a submarine does not fire depth charges. This is pretty funny. Even more hilarious if the PD said it with a straight face.

[hootinholler]

9. I figured the whole site is satire

Nice photoshop on the page though. IRL that sub would be grounded where it is shown.

[MicaelS]

3. You can't, but someone did.

The key is the last paragraph.

“As we speak, my men are doing various drills and practice engagements, including Free-for-All, Team Deathmatch, Mercenary Team Deathmatch, Headquarters, Capture the Flag, Team Tactical, Kill Confirmed and Search and Destroy scenarios,” he said.

These are are video games.

[Warpy]

4. They must've had a few good asset forfeitures lately

because that's going to take a couple of Lamborghinis and maybe a pleasure palace or two to buy, even as surplus. Don't tell me the police budget stretched to a sub, not even the Hamptons police budget.

ETA: Thank gawd it's satire. You never know these days.

[Exilednight]

5. Like I said ....

I can't make this shit up.

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. Somebody did, virginia class

nope, ain't gonna happen.

[petronius]

7. As much as I tell myself that I really wouldn't be any happier if I was rich,

and a lot of money wouldn't substantially change my basic level of joy and satisfaction, the truth is that I really want a submarine. Maybe not one as large as the one this PD really didn't get, but just something with a lot of windows that can go down a few hundred feet for 8-10 hours or so. With grabby-arms, of course. Is that too much to ask?

[Sherman A1]

8. until they pick up a surplus

aircraft carrier... really who cares.....

[MineralMan]

10. You can't make it up, but they did.

The source is humor.

[spanone]

11. bwahahahahaaaa....

from their website...

[A HERETIC I AM]

12. "EMERGHENSEE, EMERGHENSEE! EVERYONE TO GET FROM STREET!"

https://m.

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. So his men are going on Death Marches?

See? There's good news, right there.