Where to Begin - When Something So Special Has Ended?
I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for my beloved JeffR, and the good wishes expressed by all towards myself and our family.
Jeff’s illness was short-lived. It began with a backache in January, which persisted and worsened. I finally convinced him to attend at an ER at the end of March for tests. The backache turned out to be a malignant tumour on his kidneys. The cancer was particularly aggressive, and spread quickly – inoperable and incurable.
In the seven weeks from diagnosis to his passing, we spent our last days together watching our favourite TV shows, catching up on new movies, discussing politics – and, of course, talking and laughing. We stayed focused on the fact that although our time together was coming to an end, we were grateful for the twenty-two years we’d shared in the kind of loving relationship some people never experience for even a single day of their lives.
Typical of Jeff, even some of our closest friends were not told of his condition – because he didn’t “want to be a bother” to anyone. “They have better things to do than worry about me.”
Jeff was a skilled writer, an exceptional musician/composer, a gifted photographer – but his greatest talent was his ability to make people laugh, and his appreciation of those who made others laugh knew no bounds.
It was that admiration that led to his creation of the DUzy Awards. He felt that there were so many truly witty people here on DU, they should be recognized for their ability to find the laughter lurking behind the often ludicrous mayhem that is our political system. Putting the DUzies together each week took time and effort – but it was a labour of love. There were countless times he had to step away from the computer to compose himself, because he was laughing too hard to see straight. So a heartfelt thanks to all of you who brought so much laughter into his life.
When Jeff was hospitalized in his final days, too weak to use a computer, he would invariably ask: “So what’s the outrage-de-jour on DU?” I would then recount the funniest posts of the day, to which he would respond, “Well, there’s a DUzy!”
I am particularly grateful to my dear friend DFW for sharing our sad news with our DU friends: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=763119
To Manny Goldstein for recognizing that Jeff was “a person who could dislike a person's thoughts, but not dislike the person behind it” – a concept that too many of us fail to grasp and embrace.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026714394
When I was alerted to both of the above posts, I could hear Jeff saying: “Oh, so now I make it to the top of the Greatest Page? Hmmm …”
Also to Solly Mack for her tribute to Jeff’s contribution to the Photography Group:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/103642826
And to NYC-SCP for initiating Jeff’s inclusion on DU’s “In Memoriam” Page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026716287
And to Skinner, who commuted my “time out” sentence to “time served”, so that I could post this message.
I would ask your indulgence as I digress here to say something I know Jeff would want me to share …
When Jeff’s condition was known to be terminal, his doctors cautiously broached the subject of parts of his body being used for cancer research purposes after death. They hadn’t even finished the sentence before Jeff said, “Duh! Of course! Talk about your classic no-brainer!”
When I signed the consent forms after Jeff’s passing, I was thanked profusely by the medical team who put this particular cancer research project in place. They explained that so few people are willing to make this type of donation.
Should you ever find yourself in a position to consent to such a donation on behalf of a deceased loved one, I would urge you to think about what might be learned, what might be gained, what might lead to a break-through in treating cancer – or hopefully curing it, somewhere down the line.
Jeff’s final words on the topic were, “If it can help just one person, isn’t that incentive enough?”
He was the love of my life, my beshert, my best bud, my true companion, my partner-in-crime, my Knight in Shining Armour, and everything else one can ever hope to find in this life.
I thank you all again for your kindness, and for putting aside political considerations in order to express appreciation for a man whose positions you might not have agreed with, but who you respected nonetheless.
--- Nance
= new reply since forum marked as read
Jeff 
This is a beautiful tribute to Jeff.
Still, damn.
Warmest condolences to you NanceGreggs.
RIP, JeffR.
I didn't know him but it sounds like he was a really special guy.
JeffR will be greatly missed by so many. I'm really glad you two had those last weeks together.
He will be missed.
I can imagine your pain - thanks for that amazing post nance
I will miss him, too. I enjoyed his posts, especially the DUzies.
<3 that is all.
tearing up here at your beautiful tributePeace, comfort and healing to you, Nance.
John and I are so so sorry Nancy.. Words fail us both.. I wish there was a way to reach out and hug you.. but just know we are thinking of you.. John and Emily the Peacetrains..
Thanks Nance.
A great DUer and era has passed.
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Your Jeff was truly one of a kind. I am honored to have known him here, and he will always be part of this place for me.
Love you....
And so much of it in the midst of anger and despair.
He brought light to my life, and trading jokes with him is one of my fondest memories of DU. His kindness and humor made DU a different community than it would have been without him.
Peace to you, Nance.
what a lovely tribute to a very special person.
My condolences to you and all. Peace.
I got a DUzy or two in my time and did not know the provenance of them from Jeff. Nice.
May he rest in peace, and may you find some peace and rest.
--F2C
Oh, and...cancer sucks.
My deep condolences.
I've been thinking about you and Jeff and how you are since yesterday. And, here you are letting us know in your own inimitable style. Your strength is inspiring, Nance. Thank you so much for telling us what happened and describing so compellingly what a wonderful legacy Jeff has left to treasure.
You two are so fortunate to have found each other and enjoy the time you had on this Earth together.
My heart goes out to you and all who love Jeff.
I am so terribly sorry, Nance. How lucky you both were to have each other so long.
for writing this and loving Jeff so well.
I just want to add this:
He was one of a kind. I have no words.
I am so sorry for your loss. Jeff was the first to welcome me when I was brand new here and I never forgot that.
and am in awe of the relationship you and Jeff had.
so very sorry it had to come to this end.
You and Jeff meant and still mean so much to this community.
We forget sometimes... when we fight... that we also forget to love.
Thank you for that...
JeffR was a badass... as are You...
Yet sometimes... during sword fights over the issues we differ on...
We forget the promise of a challenger... the validation of a worthy opponent...
The fact that we have people who care about what we think... who we are... how we want to improve the situation for EVERYBODY.
I won't see the Utopian Dream in my lifetime, but you and JeffR contributed to the building of it.
Peace...
Your love for each other will always be, it will always comfort and guide you. Peace be with you Nance.
Lee
You probably already know that the pain does ease though the loss is always felt.
Right now, though, it's probably no small degree of numbness and disbelief. If you just want to yammer, let me know.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. Hold on tight to those memories.
My thoughts are with you and all those that loved JeffR.
Peace to you all, my friend.
Luv ya Nance.
My deepest, deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Jeff...
My heart goes out to you ...
It's so good that Jeff and you agreed on the cancer research. I am not one little bit surprised at your combined generosity. This surely is what it means to be a Liberal...
I hope his soul is smiling over all of us now...
I wish you peace, my friend. He'll always live in your heart and in your memory.
Such a very special person. I knew him through the photo group mostly. A truly great photographer. A wonderful contributor who supported and helped so many. He is missed.
Deep condolences and heart hugs to you, Nance.
It sounds as though he did. Peace, Nance.
Thank you for sharing about JeffR. He seems like a wonderful person.
I've enjoyed his posts and now I now know where the DUzy originated.
My condolences and take care NanceGreggs.
For Jeff, and for Nance, both of whomever am a huge fan.
Strength to you, your family and friends.
To you Nance. I can't imagine the pain at losing someone you love so much.
All of the years we've been together, shut down at a moments notice. My heart goes out to you, may your pain be fleeting, remember the bet of times. JeffR will always be with you in spirit, he lives on through you...
He did indeed make us all laugh and see the absurdity that is so often DU.
I loved the DUzys.
I'm sorry to hear about his passing. He was a great DUer. He was funny and the DUzys have become part of the DU lexicon. I hope to see you around here in the future.
But I think the outpouring of sentiment on this thread speaks (or, rather, shouts) for itself.
Small comfort, I know, but it's there for you. WE'RE there for you.
Sid
when I logged in this morning. My heart goes out to you, Nance, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't find the words to adequately express my thoughts. Be strong, reach out when your strength might wane at times, there will be many who will be there for you.
Never easy to lose anyone you care about.
Truly speechless......
❤
keep soaring. You're free from these bonds.
My husband also passed quickly from cancer. It's a loss of time we could have had, but it was also a blessing that he didn't suffer.
My condolences. You will get through this.
And though losing Jeff is tragic, I'm also grateful to know his illness was quick and his suffering relatively short.
He was such a lovely human being. I knew him from the photo group, and always gave such wonderful, encouraging and constructive feedback on my images. I'd completely forgotten he'd started the DUzys all those years ago. And I never knew he and I shared musicianship, that's something I regret not knowing until now. I remember when he posted the photos of your marriage. Hard to imagine anyone looking more deeply in love than he looked that day, than you both looked that day.
Much peace and love to you and the rest of the family.
Response to intheflow (Reply #179)
So very sorry for your loss, Nance.
Jeff's mark on DU will be felt for many years to come.
--imm
Last edited Sun May 24, 2015, 01:34 PM - Edit history (1)
In April 2008 when the Hillary/Obama primary insanity was at full volume, traffic here was so high that DU made the decision to temporarily abolish ignore lists. Jeff and I were in frequent communication about DUzies and other DU craziness, and this decision was really bad news. I lamented, "The worst part is that they shut down the ignore lists, and all the polluters become visible again."
Jeff's classic response: "That always reminds me of, 'When there's no room left in hell, the dead shall walk the earth.'"
He lives on, Nance.
Pam
You are a strong soul. It is enough to give us hope in humanity whenever we can share compassion with one another. Thank you.
and I mourn your loss like so many others here. He will be missed but will most certainly live on through every DUzy post that appears on the board.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
To you and your loved ones
His contributions are significant.
This was a man capable of deep thinking and of love.
So rare in our times.
Love to you Nance. May you feel his spirit with you always.
my deepest, heart-felt sympathy to you and your family, Nance.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
and my condolences to you Nance.
Jeff was a truly good-guy..sharp as a tack with a blistering wit. He will be sorely missed. It sucks that he went so quickly, but let me tell you..after my stroke in January, I have pondered my own demise, and I would NOT want to linger, fading away for months/years. I have seen too many of my dear friends struggle mightily and be in constant pain for years, only to suffer some more at the end.
It sounds like you had some time to adjust and to say what needed saying and to enjoy thew time you had left. I'm sure you would have wanted 22 more years, but it sounds like you two made the most of the time you had.
Take care of yourself now, and LET PEOPLE AROUND YOU HELP.. We all shrug off offers of help, because we want to put on the strong face, but you suffered too, and friends/family can take a little of the load off your shoulders..
and all of our DU family, Nance.
Really, truth-be-told, it has been people like Jeff who have kept me here for so long and through so much. Without them I don't know where I'd be today.