Jesus Jumped-Up Great Googly-Moogly Sarsaparilla CHRIST

[WilliamPitt]

So I haven't been on the planet as long as some - more than 40 years but less than 50, according to the calendar - but I've made up for that chronological deficit by paying deep and savage attention to the doings of the passing days, and then writing about it when I can stomach the task.

Thus, I've seen and endured some truly stupid shit. Genuinely mind-bending dumbfuckery the likes of which could hyperactivate a statue. I've seen stupid that could drown a fish, outfly a falcon, freeze molten lava and kill a man deader than Caesar's dog at a thousand paces in the dark of a moonless night.

...but it is entirely possible that, in my grinding tour through the vast peaks and valleys of the ceaseless tide of local, national, global and galactic stupid that has afflicted my existence lo these many years, I really do believe I have never encountered anything quite so sublimely and pristinely stupid as Jeb Bush, when asked who his top foreign policy adviser is, replying "George W. Bush."

Jesus Jumped-Up Great Googly-Moogly Sarsaparilla CHRIST, you may as well announce you're going to nominate Zippy The Pinhead for Defense Secretary...and Zippy would still be a better resume reference than Fucking George.

Where do these goddam people come from, and is there a large enough rubber band to load them into, stretch it long, let it loose, and fling them back into the bleak, dumb, hopeless, useless, hapless, mindless nightmare from whence they came?

I just can't even. What the categorical fuck? "Yes, my brain trust is run by Gargothrog, The Thorn-Clawed Demon Who Rules The Depths Of Vargor. Hail Satan! Derp Derp Durr Hurr Derp!"

Same fucking statement, politically speaking.

Well, at least things like this let me know I still have the capacity to be shocked. Thanks, Jeb, you astonishing assclown. Good luck with your top adviser. When he counsels you that it is imperative the US attack Neptune immediately, maybe seek a second opinion from someone who didn't melt his septum with blow...and for the love of God on high, someone not named Cheney.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me.

[eridani]

1. Caesar had a dog?

Great rant, anyways.

[Person 2713]

101. Negris Alto

[eridani]

106. If something like that is known, someone on DU will know it

I'm impressed.

[KoKo]

2. Who is Zippy?

[LiberalEsto]

7. Here

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zippy_the_Pinhead

[hifiguy]

20. Zippy is a Zen master even though he doesn't know it. nt

Far smarter than any of Bush's nitwit offspring, though.

[Enthusiast]

36. +1

"Far smarter than any of Bush's nitwit offspring, though."

[MrMickeysMom]

117. Aw.. Yeah… Practice your Zippyisms HERE...

Many will then know the geniuses of the term, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yow!
http://www.zippythepinhead.com/pages/aaconfidential.html

[KoKo]

77. Thanks...I remember a DU'er who used that as his/her Sig Line or Avatar....

I didn't explore it.

Interesting WIKI on it. Thanks.

[Buns_of_Fire]

107. And I STILL think Loni Anderson's hair should be legalized! nt

[HappyMe]

12. Here you go . Enjoy --

http://www.zippythepinhead.com/

[rhett o rick]

51. Are you poking fun of us old timers that know who Zippy is??

Good, we deserve it.

[KoKo]

68. I'm an "Old Timer" myself...but, had no idea what his post was about...

with "Zippy." But, I was informed by the first poster. I wasn't into reading "Zippy" (never heard of it before) ....so it was an honest question.

The "Zippy" cartoon and Robert Crumb's work did make sense to me from the WIKI the first responder to my post gave the link to which explained "Zippy" the Cartoon.

[think]

3. If that doesn't freak people out nothing will......

[Gregorian]

4. The longer I live, the less surprises me. (We're talking bottom feeder here.)

They skim from the top, but they live in the depths.

[reddread]

5. you know what's worse?

hard to imagine, but wrap your head around a Democrat endorsing assassination as a tool after 1963?
now for bonus points, imagine that actually openly occurring as foreign policy and applied to US citizens deprived of due process?
Like GW could beat that with an irony stick.

[Rex]

6. Are you kidding me!? We have General Abbott about to promote Chuck Norris

to oversee that the Feds/Obama Muslim Marxist Syndicate don't force all True ChristainsTM (Republicans) into Wal-Mart/FEMA camps in Texas! Where they will be forced to make Obamaphones!

What the fuck is Jeb compared to THAT I ask you?


I'm coming for you Wal-Mart! Time to kill 'low low prices'TM!

[Gregorian]

16. But the world needs Obamaphones.

Or even Obam-o-phones.

And if they think that's bad, just imagine what Bernie has in store for them. I shudder to think of the humanity.

[Rex]

21. Bernie Bluetooth forced implants. Just throwing that out there...

And the company...hmmm...Hobby Lobby!

Mark of the Beast! Mark of the Beast!

At reasonable prices!

HRC -> Citizen Motivational Therapy at (HRC) Olive Gardens secretly run by the Illuminati!

[hifiguy]

18. Fie and bosh!

In unarmed, real combat, this guy could have killed Norris deader than a stone in 30-45 seconds without breaking a sweat or messing up his hair.

[Rex]

26. Norris is not amused by your words...

Pokeman Norris is even less amused...

[hifiguy]

29. Bruce won.

[Rex]

32. That is only because The Norris had not developed his beard fist technique yet.

He could have taken Bruce with his beard fist alone! Yet, he was young and gullable at the time and Bruce was at his peek.

[JHB]

62. Lee made one terrible mistake...

...and that was revealing to Norris the power of...

(dramatic pause)

...controlling the script.

Without that, Norris would have remained "karate teacher to the Hollywood stars".

[tclambert]

79. Ridiculous! Bruce Lee is dead. There's an old martial arts saying: "Death really slows you down."

Chuck Norris is 75, but still alive.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

88. only because of the Universal Law, and old bromide:

Only the good die young. The evil and or sucky linger on forever.

[hifiguy]

125. As Groucho said, the good die young

and the schlemiels live to be a hundred.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

130. THAAAAT'S where the original quote's from....

Thanks!!!

Always learning stuff here.

[hifiguy]

131. DU is like an ongoing seminar.

I learn something new every day here. One of the reasons I am willing to chop through the BS that is inevitable on any discussion board. The best of DU is the best there is.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

134. that's not only the truth,....

[historylovr]

111. +1 for Bruce.

[Snotcicles]

8. If you have his brand of confidence that your party and their backers

have so throughly rigged election outcomes, you can indulge dumbfuckery even fucknuttery

[fadedrose]

9. But isn't someone who learned by his mistakes...

which were colossal - the right person for the job...

George W gained a lot of wisdom from his mistake, and Iraq is not really a big country compared to Texas, so what's the big deal?

Jeb is a man of insight not to let all that wisdom go to waste, and you should be happy he's running with that ace of a brother his advisor...

[erronis]

64. Good point! Let's get W back in the saddle (with Smirky on whip.)

I think there are some other continents to destroy (looking south and very close to home.)

[maddiemom]

122. As long as its not a real saddle on a real horse. Could be tricky.

[kentuck]

10. Yeah...

Maybe Jeb knows something about Republican voters. Maybe they still love George but are just too embarrassed to admit it in public?

[Segami]

11. But,..but..

....IT'S HIS TURN!!....

[Thespian2]

47. Interesting picture...

Reminds me that Prescott Bush laundered money for Adolph Hitler...and made sure the Nazis had plenty of money to fight the evil US of A...

[Segami]

100. Wealth, Power & Control at all costs..

is master over all else. It runs through their family history DNA.

[LiberalEsto]

13. W's motto:

[hifiguy]

50. That should be the repuke campaign slogan.

Any repuke.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

94. tacitly, it is.

They just cover it with, "Republican SMASH!! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!"

[HappyMe]

14. LOL!

Righteous rant!

[hifiguy]

15. Amazing, isn't it.

That anyone would turn for actual advice on complex, multifaceted questions, to a left-handed football bat of a "man" so terminally imbecilic that he could, left to his own devices, fuck up a tw0-car funeral on a one-way street even if you spotted him the goddam hearse.

The mind shrivels.

[WilliamPitt]

17. Dude could fuck up the recipe for tapwater

and get a million people killed in the process.

But the real boggle comes with the understanding that EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS THIS.

No one would follow that Fail Factory into the water at this point.

Unreal.

[Mopar151]

116. "A left-handed football bat of a man!"

PRICELESS

[Martin Eden]

19. Will, that was a very entertaining rant, but you're wrong.

You know very well that even more sublimely and pristinely stupid than Jeb Bush naming his brother Dim Son as his top foreign policy advisor are the millions of registered voters who will gladly cast their POTUS ballots for Jeb after hearing he named GW as his top foreign policy advisor.

[hifiguy]

22. I'd bet a third of the people who voted for Chimpy in 2000

thought they were voting for his old man.

The gullibility and stupidity of the American populace is a bottomless well.

[WilliamPitt]

24. I actually have quite a lot of Republican friends

Keeps the conversation interesting.

And not a one of them, not one, doesn't turn their face away at the mention of that butcher's name.

So there's that, for what it's worth.

[erronis]

66. Selective relationships - I hate to say it.

I have one second-cousin who is so enamored of the RW that all intelligent discussion goes out the window. She says that all of neighbors (Seattle area) won't even discuss politics with her. So, I'm guessing the ones that grovel at the bush are no longer part of your circle.

Still, every year or two, its fun to get a reading on the pulse of people that don't look at anything other than FUX. Debating real facts is very interesting. At the surface we can all yell and stamp our feet but when any attempt to get underlying evidence is suggested...

[Martin Eden]

89. I know a lot of middle-aged white men, many of whom are "conservative"

I've been a competitive slowpitch softball player all my adult life. In addition to local leagues I play in regional & national tournaments in the 55+ age division. I've developed a large number of friendly acquaintances, and I'm fairly certain many (if not most) of them vote Republican.

Some have been close friends, and we've learned to avoid politics. For the most part they are intelligent, but their attitudes & perceptions are deeply ingrained. They've been misinformed and manipulated like the vast majority who voted for GW Bush twice and will vote for Jeb if he's nominated.

Part of me wants to make a concerted effort to change their minds, but political arguments can be poison for a softball team.

[mnhtnbb]

27. How true.

I think it may very well be the next--and logical--step to change the official national motto of the United States (1956)
from In God We Trust to

Ignorant and Proud of It.

[spanone]

23. this alone should disqualify jeb from even a guided tour of the white house

[WilliamPitt]

25. "Jeb, look, there's the White House! Now go play in some traffic."

Thud.

[sarge43]

28. Among the passengers on that clown bus known as the Republican party,

Dim Son could be the best foreign policy adviser available.

A second opinion may not be advisable.

[calimary]

30. I'd add my favorite new one-liner, stolen this week from the Rude Pundit:

"Well fuck us all with a surprise stick."

"Fool me... once... ... ... shame on, ... ... shame on you... fool m' Won'tGitFooledUh-GINNNNNNNN."

[NuclearDem]

31. Oh fuck no.

[japple]

33. His mama made him say that. eom

[MissDeeds]

34. Sweet mother of god

Stupidity has no bounds. Un. Freaking. Believable. They really don't learn from their mistakes.

[FiveGoodMen]

37. They don't think they made any mistakes

After all, what happened to them?

[MissDeeds]

40. True

They got a pass on everything. Damnit.

[Nay]

110. Well, exactly. Were they censured? Were they jailed? Fined? Run out of town? Nope. nt

[hifiguy]

44. If we could turn America's natural stupidity reserves into clean energy

we would have enough to last 100,000 years and warp drive by next Festivus.

[MissDeeds]

49. Ha! I love it!

[tularetom]

35. The mind no longer boggles

I don't think it's actually boggled since 2000 when bonzo bush was handed the WH . There was a twinge in 2004 when Americans actually elected that needle dicked moron but you couldn't really call that a boggle.

Since then…crickets.

[niyad]

42. given the shenanigans of blackwell, etc., can't even say he won the vote

in '04, either.

[rhett o rick]

38. How can people not see just how we are being manipulated. At one time the Republicon Party

was a viable party that leaned a little heavy on the conservative side. Now it is made up of idiots. So what happened? Some of the gullible think it's an act of nature and really cool. That's bull-crap. It wasn't an act of nature but a carefully conspired plot to create a one Party (Conservative) system. Actually a brilliant plan. Run the Republicon Party off the cliff and that leaves only one choice for Conservatives, the Democratic Party. Next step is for the Oligarchs to fund the Conservative Democrats and 'voila' you have neutralized the Left and essentially have a one party system. Clinton scrapes Glass-Steagall, the other Clinton lies about WMD and, Obama pushes the TPP. We live in an Oligarchy and the Wash DC Democrats serve our masters.

[hifiguy]

46. And everything that Bernie is saying now could have been lifted

word-for-word from nearly any domestic policy speech made by FDR, Harry Truman, JFK, RFK, Hubert Humphrey or LBJ, but now he's on the "fringe."

[KoKo]

73. True...

[Ilsa]

114. Yep. Like climate change, we've probably

Passed the point of no return.

Undoing media consolidation, Citizens United, destruction of public education, etc are almost insurmountable tasks.

[rhett o rick]

115. Even if we haven't passed the point of no return via nature, we have pasted the point

in which we can get our shit together. Maybe if we started today we could recover, but we won't start today. Even if we wanted to change, it would take a decade.

I apologize to future generations. My generation didn't do all the damage, but we also didn't take action to slow the coming crisis.

[CharlotteVale]

39. I might have to borrow that post title.

[Enthusiast]

41. Lord, no!

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[chknltl]

43. Which reveals much about Jeb's fans.

It is said that democracy requires an enlightened electorate. When it comes to Bush supporters, if enlightenment was electricity, one couldn't combine the lot of them and find enough juice to jiggle a dissected frog's leg.

[hifiguy]

48. If it were petrol, it wouldn't power a gnat's motorcycle

halfway around a BB.

[OKNancy]

45. I love it when you rail against Republicans n/t

[11 Bravo]

52. If there is anything better than a truly righteous Will Pitt rant ...

I have yet to experience it! Well done, buddy!

[Thespian2]

53. Excellent! WilliamPitt

I got the feeling that you were mildly pissed off...

The Bush Criminal Cartel has that effect on people who actually can think, as well as read...Hmmm...leaves out lots of Repub-li-cons...

[WilliamPitt]

55. Nothing gets my back up quicker than the mere mention

of that fucking brainless butcher's name. Fuck him in the soul. Twice.

[Maynar]

129. Don't hold back, Will

[Gregorian]

54. After some consideration, I have to come to the aid of George Bush

SOMEONE has to employ him.

It's not like he can sit around and just paint all of the time. I think he finished the majority of dogs and fascists, so it's time for a new hobby.

[heaven05]

56. +1000

great spiel!

[libodem]

57. Gog and Magog

That is preposterous! Remember what the President of France had to say about Bush's foreign policy beliefs? It was some pretty crazy shit!

Israel uses these end times Christians to further their expansionist empire. It is repulsive. Bush is perfect for this delusional push to see Earth cinderized in a lake of fire when Jesus comes back.

[hifiguy]

58. Like Godot, Jebus ain't showin'. nt

[libodem]

59. LOLOLOL

[KamaAina]

60. Zippy The Pinhead for Defense Secretary

Yow! Is it war yet?

[grasswire]

97. Jeb COULD appoint W as Defense Secretary

And there would be nothing we could do but cry.

[KamaAina]

99. zOMFG!

[oberliner]

61. It is offensive to take the Lord's name in vain in that way

There is also a large amount of profanity in your post which is also offensive.

Please refrain from using this sort of language as it is hurtful and insulting to millions of Christians.

[WilliamPitt]

67. No.

[oberliner]

81. Can't blame you for saying no

It was a ridiculous demand on my part.

[Ilsa]

112. Lest we emphasize that folks should

Be offended by a little passionate language compared to being offended by policy decisions that result in death and injury to millions.

Excellent time to bring it up. (You and WRP are awesome.)

[Fred Sanders]

74. As hurtful and insulting as a fake and gratuitous cartoon contest intended and promoted to be hurtful and insulting to another

religion, by an organization that is a certified "charity" hate group that pays it's only employee 200K a year to be hurtful and insulting, per corporate mission?

That kind of offensive might indeed require an apology, but.....profanity??

You maybe forgot the sarcasm emoticon?

[oberliner]

80. As hurtful and insulting as the cartoon that won the award in that contest

The guy who drew it is now in hiding.

As is the woman who proposed an "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day".

That would be Molly Norris - who is not part of any hate group. Just a cartoonist.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

85. I think the Lord has bigger fish to fry

and couldn't care less about a little colorful language. Otherwise most of us woulda got smited by now.

[L0oniX]

127. OFFS

[malaise]

63. Yes

This should shock everyone.

Remember now 'Bush kept you safe' - even though thousands died.

[shenmue]

65. Is u okay? Do you need some water?

[Agnosticsherbet]

69. It seems he has backpeddled on having an indepent foreign

policy before he is even an official candidate.

[Aerows]

70. Poor Jesus

Every time I turn around He's either on a pogo stick, a cracker, on a bicycle or in some other predicament.

I guess He can take it.

[WilliamPitt]

71. Immortality has its benefits

[Aerows]

72. It's true

Gandalf handled being dragged into the depths of Moria by a balrog and managed to survive it.

[mountain grammy]

75. Yeah, cause he has what they call 'sperience.

[trof]

76. You are the absolute Master of Instructive Hyperbole.

(In Alabama it's pronounced 'Highper-bowl' but that a whole 'nuther story.)

By 'Instructive Hyperbole (a term I just coined all by my ownself) I mean using words and phrases that truly convey just how impossibly far beyond belief a person/thing/situation/event has gone.

Over the top, and then beyond THAT top, and then THAT top just isn't high enough, so you have to aim for the stratosphere.
No that's not even far enough.
This goes to some galaxy we haven't even discovered yet.

Well done, Will.
Well done.

[Stardust]

109. To infinity and beyond!

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://www.forwallpaper.com/wallpaper/to-infinity-and-beyond-16701.html&h=1080&w=1920&tbnid=2kZJ2dH7P5d88M:&zoom=1&q=buzz+lightyear+to+infinity+and+beyond&docid=5d7ypVhKLN5i7M&ei=M9JNVeCNIsqzggS5sICwDg&tbm=isch&ved=0CDUQMygSMBI

[hifiguy]

119. Is the Highper-bowl

Related in any way to the Superb Owl?

[Paper Roses]

78. Best rant ever! n/t

[nikto]

82. In a sane country...

Jeb's nomination would be doomed immediately.

In America, Jeb'll probably get the nomination.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

83. And here everybody always said Jeb was the smart one.

Just not smart enough to realize that his derpish big brother's decision to invade Iraq was the derpest thing any world leader has done since Napoleon decided to invade Russia.

[Agony]

84. This is what republican strategy looks like...

neutralize your worst liability by featuring it front and center as an asset, be PROUD of it. I am not kidding.

The fucked up part is that there are a SIGNIFICANT number of americans who will buy this hook, line and sinker.

not just fucked up… scary.

fuck

[Fred Sanders]

86. What you say is true. But then putting Clinton 'corruption' front and center as a problem is kind of stupid when

the entire party has purposely decided to be one organized around embracing corruption.

[Agony]

87. I had to stop and think… which "entire party" are you referring to...

seems like a nuanced point without any nuance.

[Marr]

90. The tragic part is that was a *smart answer*.

The people he plans to speak to desperately want to believe that invading Iraq was a righteous, patriotic, wise act. They need to believe that it benefited more people than just energy industry executives and arms manufacturers. To acknowledge the facts would leave a whole lot of other comforting myths exposed as such. So they double down-- instinctively. Always.

[longship]

91. Jeb won't attack Neptune, he'd attack Uranus...

Get it? YOUR-anus! Get it!


Well played Will. Well played!


Oh. An R& for you.

[GliderGuider]

92. I haven't seen a flame/rant this good since my days on Usenet!

[shadowmayor]

93. The Stars at Night . . .

Sir William,

I tell folks that I live in El Paso - NOT Texas. If you don't know the difference folks, ask Zippy. There's a hatchery somewhere's outside of Waco where we inbreed 'em by the score. We thought Shrub was remarkably terrible, and then saw Perry elected again and again and again. Now we have Guber Louie prayin' that the Mooslim Prezdint doesn't capture Tejas! Farenthold, Barton, Poe, Sessions - the list goes on and on. And in the Senate we give you the USA - Cornyn and Cruz - you're absolutely welcome! Yessireebob and jaysus feckin' keeriiistonacrutch we have some stoopid people in this country. But when it comes to the truly stupid, you'd be hard pressed to beat our great state of Texas.

And if you don't think that weather and atmospheric events have global connections (like ENSO) just remember that if you let a little bit of air out of a few footballs in New England, people in Dallas start crying!

The Shadow Mayor

[grasswire]

95. BRILLIANT

Standing ovation.

[ucrdem]

96. A pol with even lousier political instincts than poppy,

who'd a thunk it. And the show is just starting

[JoeyT]

98. I'd appoint Bush as an advisor.

"Welp, George thinks we should do X, so we're going to avoid doing X at all costs. In fact, if there's an opposite of X, we're going to do that instead." would probably work pretty well.

[Tracyjo]

102. For real

Same as I was thinking.

[Warren DeMontague]

103. That thing about Jesus could be considered a blasphemous insult to someone's Deity.

I hear tell, on DU, that's against the law in the US.

Because something something Brandeis incitement shouting fire in a crowded theater hate speech something something.

Nice going, Pitt.

[DFW]

104. Choosing George W. Bush as an adviser on foreign policy is like.....

Choosing Sarah Palin to be head of the English Literature department at Harvard.

Here's a scary thought for you: many Republicans would deem THAT as a good idea, too.

[hifiguy]

128. That is an excellent analoty.

Stealing it, fer sure.

[DFW]

132. I'm sure there are better ones

But be my guest!

[hifiguy]

133. The vivid absurdity of that one will not be easy to top.

[Yorktown]

105. WilliamPitt, try to see the positive side.

Who knows, with GW as his top foreign policy adviser, President Jeb might decide to invade Sweden or Finland?

Bringing the average GI with beautiful blonde girls. Isn't it a nice, fine prospect?

[polly7]

108. I'm thinking those beautiful blonde girls might have rifles in their hands fighting off

an invasion. The average GI probably wouldn't consider that a nice, fine prospect.

European countries have had varying policies that confine women and military service or the extent of their participation in the national armed services of their respective countries, especially combatant roles in armed conflicts or hostile environments. While most of the countries have always allowed women to participate in military activities involving no direct aggression with the enemy, most began seeing the value of servicewomen in the armed services during the First World War when they began losing unprecedented numbers of servicemen. In modern times many of the European countries now allow women to voluntarily pursue a career path or profession in the national armed services of their country as well as permit conscription equality, with minimal or no restrictions at all.

Finland



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_the_military_in_Europe

Sweden[edit]

Since 1989 there are no gender restrictions in the Swedish military on access to military training or positions. They are allowed to serve in all parts of the military and in all positions, including combat.[34]

[Ilsa]

113. Freaking awesome rant. Did you write one after Jebby

Made that speech including the line, "Say what you will about my brother, HE KEPT US SAFE." I thought my head would explode. This announcement by Jeb is much worse.

[3catwoman3]

118. I just can't even, either.

I am envious of your way with words.

[Hiraeth]

120. Oh lordie!! That was fun to read. Thanks!

[maddiemom]

121. Would that be Dubya's advice on: "one of the keys to being seen as a great leader is to be seen as

a Commander in Chief." Or later, "I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office...with war on my mind" (mission accomplished as to being seen as a "great leader)? Yes, Jeb, outstanding foreign policy advice from your big bro.

[chapdrum]

123. Since you referenced Zippy the Pinhead

you'll recall his delightful observation from (sigh) 1979: "All life is a blur of Republicans and meat."

[WilliamPitt]

124. ^^^ For the Win ^^^

[L0oniX]

126. Satan would make a better foreign policy adviser to Jeb. No offense meant to Satan.

[sdfernando]

135. Hey Will....

Don't mince words man, tell me what you really think.


Awesome rant as always!!!