Hillary Expected to Adopt All of Sanders’s Positions by Noon

[cali]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is on pace to adopt rival Bernie Sanders’s positions on all major issues by noon on Thursday, Clinton campaign officials have confirmed.

Within minutes of Sanders’s entry into the Democratic race, Clinton released position papers on trade, income inequality, national defense, and the environment that meticulously aped the Vermont senator’s views on those matters.

Awaking at 8 A.M., Sanders, who had planned to run to the left of Clinton in 2016, discovered that, while he was sleeping, she had already begun running slightly to the left of him.

In an online video posted Thursday morning, Clinton welcomed Sanders to the race, adding, “To those who agree with Bernie Sanders on the issues, let me say this: I am Bernie Sanders.”

<snip>

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/hillary-expected-to-adopt-all-of-sanderss-positions-by-noon

[Maedhros]

1. ...then all of Reagan's after the election. [n/t]

[polichick]

2. Yep, and that's why Bernie is running.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

6. WTH!

I felt that all the way over here! Not so hard next time.

[hifiguy]

34. No kiddin'

Borowitz is a freaking gem.

[Ms. Toad]

49. Actually - after the primary.

Because that is what she will perceive as needed to win the general election.

[Zorra]

3. Actually, that would be great fun! nt

[NCTraveler]

4. He holds great positions on many issues.

Many of which Hillary has been talking about for a long time. Some of them she will adapt to. Some she will veer away from. Who would have thunk.

[cali]

7. HRC has had too many positions on too many issues for me to feel comfortable

from trade to bankruptcy to marriage equality to war.

[NCTraveler]

8. That is clear. Abundantly. nt.

[hopemountain]

39. how about social security, the student debt crisis,

immigration, voting rights, welfare for young families, etc., etc.,…….crickets.

[NCTraveler]

47. If you were to be honest, crickets wouldn't be the word you used.

It is post like yours that make primary season divisive. You seriously don't know where she stand on those issues? She isn't some unknown. You must not pay very close attention to politics. You seem very unaware of someone who has been under the bright lights for a long time. A simple google search will answer your questions. I'm surprised you are this far in the dark.

[hopemountain]

54. hillary has no idea about me, either

if she wants to know where i stand on these issues she can make herself available. she could be more accessible to common persons.

are you implying she expects common people to have to search on the internet to learn how she feels on issues important to them?

yes, she is out speaking - but how many of those appearances or speaking engagements will be open? how many open "town halls" will be available to working class persons of all colors and in ethnic neighborhoods, disability centers, and other local community venues accessible to the disenfranchised?

i have heard her views on women. but that is about it as far as issues which concern me, personally - and only until the past couple of days.

if hillary wants to win this election and the vote of grassroots persons of all colors and walks of life (not just the wealthy in designer suits carrying designer handbags with manicured nails and expensive coifs and the latest perfume) she has to step out from behind the podium and off the dais and mix it up with the rest of america.

don't worry, if she wins the primary i will vote and she will have my vote. i will not waste my vote on one of the clowns in the clown car.

[Fumesucker]

5. I thought Borowitz wrote satire?

[rurallib]

22. getting tougher and tougher to tell the difference every day

especially when the writers that are supposed to be serious write such laughable crap.

[L0oniX]

23. He ain't working for Fox but Fox would post it as real news.

[hifiguy]

35. We are going to need a corollary to Poe's Law.

It's getting pretty confused.

[hopemountain]

41. obfuscating and twisting the dialog

an msm tool.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

9. Adopts or tries co-opt?

Why wasn't she willing to "adopt" those positions earlier?

[seabeyond]

11. this is a joke. ha ha. didnt happen. right? nt

[donnasgirl]

12. It started as a joke

But lets see what happens.

[seabeyond]

13. ya? no. nt

[donnasgirl]

18. LOL

[hifiguy]

37. It's Andy Borowitz, the satirist

and former president of the Harvard Lampoon.

It's getting hard to tell the satire from the truth.

[seabeyond]

45. no. it is really not that hard to tell with this piece. nt

[progressoid]

10. And then drop them if she gets elected.

[MissDeeds]

14. Yep

Run as a lefty and sprint to the right once elected. I think it's happened before.

[tiredtoo]

15. Ouch!

You are cutting pretty close to the bone here.

[L0oniX]

21. ^^^this^^^

[Koinos]

16. Borowitz

Borowitz, the fine line between satire and absolute truth.

[SomeGuyInEagan]

19. Satire requires the hint of truth

Or, at times, a lot of truth.

Borowitz is brilliant.

[SoapBox]

17. I really thought it was,

The Onion!

[jalan48]

20. LMAO! More thruth to this than meets the eye.

[Eleanors38]

24. Hillary Adopts, Foundation Collapses.

[colsohlibgal]

25. Talk Can Be Cheap

Borowitz is a great satirist. In reality I expect Hillary to talk a lot more to the left. The caution is that Obama in 2008 sounded a lot like Bernie Sanders, once in he went straight Neo Democrat. He has evolved some on social issues but as the TPP shows he's still economically Wall Street over Main Street.

[swilton]

26. These comments also

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1016121353

[stonecutter357]

27. you seem desperate!

[cali]

29. huh?

how so?

[Duval]

28. Oh, really!!

I'm laughing and shouting this news to my husband. Thanks, cali, for a good chuckle!

[Thinkingabout]

30. The big question is Bernie going to adopt some of Hillary'positions in irder to get elected.

[ieoeja]

33. Which positions would that be?

I can not think of a single thing she has done that is has more widespread appeal than a Sanders' position on the same subject.

[Thinkingabout]

40. There you go again, maybe you could find out what and where Bernie stands and then know his issues.

You either back him because you know where he stands or it just sounds good to you.

[ieoeja]

43. There you go again not backing up your claims.

Worse yet, this time I told you before your non sequitor response that he takes more popular positions than Hillary.

He's for Single Payer. She's against it. It polls amazingly high.

He wants to break up the big banks. She's against it. The people are for it.

He wants to raise minimum wage. So does she.

He wants infrastructe spending. She's cautious. The people are aghast at everything falling apart around them.

He's for fair trade. She's for free trade. The people prefer fair trade.

He's for pay equity for women. So is she.


Your snarky "educate yourself" would work better if you just once demonstrated that YOU know something about the subject. But this is twice now that you have refused to state facts about the subject.

I don't seem to have that inability.

[Thinkingabout]

44. You know, I would not have wasted my time to respond except for the

Remark:

He's for Single Payer. She's against it.

If you knew anything about Hillary you would have known she made a presentation before Congress for health insurance for everyone and it was single payer.

This I over.

[krawhitham]

51. She would have to announce some positions before he could adopt any

[Thinkingabout]

53. Guess you need to be introduced to the candidates on the issues, search by name on the issues.

Here is the link to Hillary on the issues:

http://www.ontheissues.org/hillary_clinton.htm

She is putting her positions out but does not give all of them at one time, it would be over whelming.

[whatchamacallit]

31. Bwahahahahahaha

[greendog]

32. HillaBernie!

[guillaumeb]

36. Borowitz rules.

But perhaps there is a method to the madness.

The corporate media serves to set the terms of acceptable debate. Why not try the same thing on the progressive side. Force people to respond to real issues rather than debate only what the DLC crowd feels is acceptable.

People are looking for real change. So propose it and see if the enthusiasm to vote increases.

Imagine if Democratic candidates competed to "out-left" each other rather than running as GOP-Lite?

[polichick]

38. Well, she has come out to say Bernie's right!

[PufPuf23]

42. Is it real or is it satire?

HRC was my least favored Prez Democratic candidate in 2008.

HRC is probably my next to the least favored Democrat in general because Rahm Emanuel exists.

I don't want her in government, HRC does not represent me nor have my trust.

Props to Cali for her recent posts.

[Gothmog]

46. I love good satire

[HappyMe]

48. Good satire always has truth in it.

This is chock full of truthiness.

[krawhitham]

50. Wonder if that includes his willingness to take and answer questions from the press??

[cali]

52. why wonder? He's already doing it. Did it at his announcement, on CNN and MSNBC

[krawhitham]

55. You missed the point

OP ----- Hillary Expected to Adopt All of Sanders’s Positions by Noon

Reply - Wonder if that includes his willingness to take and answer questions from the press??


The point was he answers press questions and she does not