A NEW day or mending fences or DUers never let me down
I'm sorry my post yesterday caused so much emotion/controversy that wasn't needed: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=6461544
It has been almost a year since I first talked about being terminal. Every time I mention I'm terminal I hear from DUers that have somehow missed all the other references to it. It happened last Thursday night on an LBN post with an active DUer. See reply #1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141057534
I got several emails about it yesterday. Somebody will undoubtedly learn about it from this post.
Problems started long before I was diagnosed. Things I'm dealing with are impaired thinking from pain (neck, shoulders, wrists) killers, irregular sleep from my condition, communication, and my condition itself. Combine it all and the off switch most people have for self control for emotions, reasoning, etc. can be pretty much gone at any given time. I can go from the OS people remember to a jerk in an instant and not even know it. I will continue to get worse. I said before OS doesn't really exist anymore.
I was looking at a very old post of mine a few weeks ago and I couldn't understand at that time what I meant when I wrote it. Algernon syndrome.
Yesterday I was not upset with the DU on lack of response to my Saturday night LBN post. I was pissed about the alert on it as part of a continuing pattern of alerts on a growing number of my posts.
From yesterday: "It means that much to me." was a message to the hosts in LBN as they contemplated locking it. Perhaps now you can understand why. My judgment was off. We all know how that worked out. I'm not knocking them for doing what they are supposed to do. It is a thankless job. They do a good job period. They can help keep me from looking bad when I'm really off base at times like yesterday morning.
My post also opened a door to clear some things up in private with a lot of DUers and very close friends alike.
I love this place. 48,800 plus OPs shows that. I don't know when it will be, but the day is coming I won't give a damn about the DU, politics, or pretty much anything else. My plan is self termination before getting there. It is what I want. It is what the old OS talked about long before being diagnosed.
This wasn't easy to write. Several hours of my life I won't get back.
As of right now I'm having a good moment/day. 
Warmest regards,
OS (AKA Algernon)
= new reply since forum marked as read
Many of us understood, as much as we can, anyways. Thanks for sticking around and posting despite all you are going through. 
We love you! We understand. It's just such a shame that you even have to go through this. But I guess each of us will get there in our own time, too, 'eh? I'm gonna be 62 this year. Not a day goes by that I wonder how much longer I've got. And I actually hope it's not too much longer. I do NOT want to live to age 83 like my dad, 90 like my mom - both of 'em wound up at the ripe old age of "Piece of Meat" by the time their end came. What money they had was exhausting itself on a losing fight to seriously advanced age and infirmity - the kind that sets in after a lifetime of neglect and self-abuse and in my mom's case chain-smoking for DECADES. NO amount of money could have saved either of them - not that they had all that much in the first place. I can thank her for MY not smoking. The cigarette smoke and stench that filled the house and the drapes and the carpets and her clothing and my hair - I can remember grabbing the same dish sponge to wash the dishes one night - that she'd just used to wipe out an ashtray. The smell of it almost made me throw up. I was glad, even proud, to be a non-smoker.
I find strength in reading your posts, Omaha Steve. I find strength, wisdom, education, revelation, comfort, solace, and courage. Which I know I'm gonna need, too. Hell, I need courage RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!! How you proceed, every day, living with this reality - I am in awe of your strength, your great grace, your total class, your continuing brilliance and discernment. I hope we're lucky enough to have you in our lives and on our screens for a long time yet to come.
You are LOVED. At home AND here. Don't forget that.
anonymous message board friends as well as a few that like to pick on people they see as vulnerable. Do not let these few ruin it for you and those that like to read your posts.
On a busy internet message board like DU, you get the BEST of humanity and, sadly, also close to the WORST. The best of us value you for your personality, your long service to unions and the Democratic Party, your long-time membership at DU, and your union and pet posts. The worst of us snap off a snarky cruel reply, not caring who you are or the fact you're terminal and actually enjoying whatever discomfort they cause.
When the time comes that this place brings you more discomfort than joy, just write us all a good-bye post and then go enjoy the rest of your life with Marta. That's what I would do if I were terminal. This place is not worth enduring excessive discomfort over. At its best, it's a nice place to converse and discuss with nice people, a possible springboard for real life action and an educational resource. At its worst, it's the internet equivalent of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. I exaggerated a bit there, 4chan is undoubtedly the worst.
God bless you and Marta, Steve. Peace be with you.
You have a lot of courage, knowledge & it's appreciated. Don't worry about us. Take good care, have a great day! And best to you and Marta.
We're with you.
I think your a pretty cool dude.
By the way, it was a beautiful day in New York.
On the way home from a wellness check up with my doctor, I drove by my old home. We moved two years ago ... anyway ... the first flowers of spring were just beginning to bloom.
Now I know what's missing from our new home so I can add snowdrop bulbs this fall.
You are a DU icon. You are dealing with a lot, and if you vent from time to time, you are entitled. People here who can't understand that need to get a grip. I am glad to come to DU each day and see your posts. You add so much to the conversation here and are always polite and respectful. Keep fighting the good fight. We have your back.
at least as long as you want to - I do read your posts, even though I get irritated at the titles typed in ALL CAPS. (However, I'd never alert on it.) You don't know me but I will say anyway - You are an inspiration and I mean it.
P.S.: As for the alleged "controversy" - File it under Shit Happens and forget it.
I mean that deeply.
This lurker is glad to see you staying! Hugs!
You might be interested to know I search out your older posts sometimes when I'm in the mood for some deeper and more thoughtful content than much here. Don't get the big head though, yours aren't the only ones!!
Keep up the good fight, OS...
As for bad reaction anything that you might say or do that's not the old OS; Fuck 'em if that can't take it.
