Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables.

[niyad]

Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables.

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Televangelist conman-for-Jesus crazy mofo Pat Robertson has scammed a lot of money over the years by offering “the Lord’s” pro-tips on his teevee show, the 700 Club. We could devote 29 hours a day to watching him and trying to make jokes for you about what a crazy mofo that crazy mofo really is. However, we don’t have that kind of time, nor have we enough spoons with which to stab ourselves in the ear, so we limit ourselves (and you, dear readers, YOU’RE WELCOME) to the best of his worst. Like how yoga will turn you into a Hindu-speaking devil worshipper. Or how Jesus wants you to get rich quick by investing in oil, NOT abortion pills. Or why you should not touch that dirty orphan because you don’t know where it’s been.

Thus, as proven connoisseurs, aka freedom experts, of Robertson’s most “Holy shit!” moments, please trust that this might well be one of the very best holy shittiest series of words ever spewed from his leathery facehole. EVER.

Cocaine is a product of a vegetable. Alcohol is a product of a vegetable. Marijuana is a vegetable. And yet people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God! God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority. Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it?

We do not know why we are slaves to vegetables, Pat. Maybe it’s because our parents did not beat the veggie-smokin’ out of us until we learned to love Jesus, as you have previously recommended. But pray continue:
You say, “Well, you don’t understand.” Yeah I understand! I’ve seen a lot of stuff going over the years that I’ve lived. Lot of people have a lot of problems. But I’ll tell you one thing. God almighty can deliver you from the bondage of your addiction, your slavery to vegetables. He can set you free.

. . . . .


So instead, we will offer some friendly advice to you, Pat Robertson. Please report to the nearest Michelle Obama fitness and nutritional indoctrination re-education camp to learn about the basic food groups. Amen.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/578120/pat-robertson-you-know-whats-not-godly-vegetables#TFVMQqV2PRMj0kW3.99

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

1. He needs to read the Bible.

That whole talking 'burning bush' thing? It might not have been mj, but I'm thinking it was another hallucinogenic plant that was going up in smoke.

[niyad]

5. ah, that explains things!

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

2. PT Barnum would be in awe of this guy.

[Enrique]

3. you know who's also slaves to vegetable?

people who eat food.

[joeybee12]

4. So, asparagus is the work of the devil, planted here only to tempt us?

Batsh*t insane

[niyad]

6. I think you are insulting bats***

[joeybee12]

9. Any type of sh*t really...

This stupidity really has no accurate term it's so out there.

[niyad]

10. you are correct. I have said that we need to come up with a whole new lexicon to explain the

delusional, idiotic, stupid, mean, ugly craziness and lack of intelligence and basic humanity that seems to characterize so many of the reichwingnugjobs.

[joeybee12]

16. Good Idea! We should have a contest!

[niyad]

17. you are correct.

[Xyzse]

21. Well, it is sometimes firm with its stalky fibers, also it starts with "as*"

Hence it is "As*" "para" (for) "Gus".

Now, we have to figure out who "Gus" is.

Sorry, in a weird mood. I really do have to apologize.

[joeybee12]

22. Gus is an ass?

Ass for Gus?

There's some demonic code, I'm positive of that!

[Xyzse]

24. That's probably it.

I mean, it does do weird things to male frontal emissions.

[Initech]

7. Slaves 2 Vegetables by the way just added to night number 2 of Coachella.

[niyad]

8. sorry, my mind just went completely in the gutter. . .

[Aerows]

11. Wow.

This is Michelle Bachmann level insanity, and that's really difficult to achieve.

[niyad]

12. that is certainly true.

[Scootaloo]

26. You know even she has to practice in front of a mirror every day, too

[mr blur]

13. Pat RQobertson IS a vegetable.

From the neck up, anyway.

[niyad]

15. nah, I think it is pretty much empty space

[phil89]

14. Just As crazy

as thinking a human sacrifice absolves your sins.

[Dirty Socialist]

18. Veggie Tales Is Satanic! Eom

[Oilwellian]

19. Damn! I should have had a V8! n/t

[niyad]

20. couldn't resist, eh?

[GummyBearz]

23. While I don't like vegetables

I still recognize their importance. They feed the food that I eat. I guess that means I eat them by proxy... I'm ok with that

[Enrique]

25. back to work everybody!

[guillaumeb]

27. lettuce try to deconstruct this peas of nonsense

Cocaine is a product of a vegetable. Alcohol is a product of a vegetable. Marijuana is a vegetable. And yet people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God! God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority. Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it?

Dearest Pat,
A vegetable is an edible plant or a plant with edible parts.

cocaine comes from the leaves of the coca bush. Not a vegetable.

marijuana is derived from the cannabis plant. It can be eaten but does not taste good.

Ben Franklin said that alcohol was a gift from god to man. Why does Pat Robertson hate Ben Franklin? Why does Pat Robertson hate god?

[BDavinciNY]

28. So wait a minute here!

Lemme get this straight ... "Rev" Pat says vegetables are ungodly so does that mean vegans and vegetarians are junkies? WOW Because their addiction to vegetables is on the Tyrone Biggums /Bubbles from The Wire level!
[link:|

[Skittles]

31. OMG!

[GeorgeGist]

29. In God's image ...

[spanone]

30. this man should be in a nursing home.

[niyad]

32. no, because pity the poor staff who would have to deal with him. private care--very

expensive private care.

[spanone]

33. well, there is that. he's such a buffoon.

i suppose folks still send him their hard earned money....???

[niyad]

34. I don't know whether he is still taking donations or not.