Doctor's Letter Shows Depth of Divide over Gay Rights

[ScreamingMeemie]

http://www.freep.com/story/opinion/columnists/nancy-kaffer/2015/02/20/pediatrician-lesbian-baby/23695779/

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Roi's handwritten apology appears to be heartfelt. I don't believe that she made this decision lightly. And in her words, there's a palpable sincerity — she seems to both understand, and to regret, that her choice caused pain.

And yet, she made that choice. Roi's aversion to Jami and Krista Contreras' relationship outweighed her reluctance to cause harm, her professional and ethical obligation to honor a commitment to a patient. And it came after prayer, to a God whose son taught a message of love.

For those of us who favor equal rights, it's easy to dismiss the other side as homophobic bigots. And some of them are. But they are also people, muddling through the same impenetrable fog as the rest of humanity, a favorite author of mine once wrote, bumping into things and wondering why it hurts.

Slowly, gradually, we're changing. Laws must be fair, and we're surely reaching that mark, on the national level — the U.S. Supreme Court is widely expected to rule this summer in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage. But on a smaller scale, things are far less certain. A business- and bipartisan-backed push last year to expand Michigan's civil rights law to protect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Michiganders failed; now a state ballot proposal is in the works, but I don't know whether it will succeed. That kind of protection would make discriminatory actions illegal, and that's incredibly important — but it's missing the point.

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It is easy for me to dismiss the other side as homophobic bigots... because that is what they are (because it's none of their business). While I disagree with that part, this is an interesting read.

In the comments, a man asks the hard question... Would/does this doctor turn away single mothers/fathers? Atheists? Or does she only turn those "visible" religious obstacles away...? I'd love to see her address that.

[Ms. Toad]

1. In our family, we ask up front.

Every new doctor we expect to be a long term doctor. Every time. Our physicians will need to deal with every member of our family. On any visit of any medical significance, at least two of us will be present. I don't want a physician who is profoundly uncomfortable about who we are.

The particular path this couple followed is a familiar one. Just about 25 years ago, we followed the recommendation of a midwife to the only physician in town who was willing to work with couples planning to give birth at home. We weren't, but we did want to avoid as many medical interventions as possible, and that seemed as efficient a route as possible to finding one who would respect the limits we set. Midwives, in that era in our area, were often fundamentalist Christians - as was the physician willing to work with them.

Our end result was different - we had a wonderful relationship with him for nearly a decade. We left his care for a combination of medical reasons (our family is medically complex - and we were regularly stretching his medical abilities) and an insurance change which conveniently removed him as an option about the same time we were realizing we were growing uncomfortable with his ability to care for us.

But the choice is our choice. Had that first, non-medical, consultation with him not made us comfortable that his personal beliefs would not interfere with his care for us (which includes his relationship with us), we would have rejected him as our physician. Our choice; not the physicians'.

Everyone needs access to medical care - and letting physicians refuse to care for patients because of who they are is a really horrible way of making care accessible to all.