Op-ed: My Son Changed My Life, in More Ways Than One

[sheshe2]

About 22 years ago, I was the single mom of a 4-year-old boy named Danny. I grew up mixed-race and was used to being different, but Danny was a different kind of different. One day my friend Concepción and her husband, Mario, were visiting. Danny, all dressed up in a skirt, angel wings, plastic jewels, and lipstick, began flitting around with his “magic” wand. Concepción was delighted. A talented photographer, she took out her camera and started snapping pictures.

I was OK with my close friends seeing Danny’s gender-creative ways, but having it recorded with photos was another story. When I got the prints, I hid them away in a box (yes, this was before Facebook, Instagram, and digitized photos). Back then I was too worried about Danny’s gender-bending behavior to celebrate the beautiful child I had. I wondered if something was wrong with him and feared that he would become a social outcast. My identity as a mom was in the balance. I wondered whether I was doing something wrong as a parent and imagined other people in the community gossiping and looking down on me.

But here we are, two decades later. Danny is an out, proud gay 26-year-old man and I’m an out, proud mom. Being Danny’s mom has opened my eyes in many ways. It took a process to get here, including much soul-searching and support from the people around me. I now know that my son has always been perfect; there was never a need to change him.

I’m proud of him for being true to himself and for teaching me a thing or two about what really matters to me. My identity as a mom has also been restored. I know I raised my son well because there was never a moment when he didn’t know he was loved. It took me a while, but I learned a simple lesson: Unconditional love means looking past all the expectations that are heaped on us and loving the child you have.

Read More: http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/02/19/op-ed-my-son-changed-my-life-more-ways-one

LAURIN MAYENO is the mother of a gay son, cofounder of Somos Familia, and founder of Out Proud Families.

[Thinkingabout]

1. Wonderful post, I know you are very proud of your son.

[sheshe2]

3. Thanks Thinkingabout, but not my son.

Though I would be just as proud if he was.

[markpkessinger]

2. Beautiful post!

Thanks for sharing it!