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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI am "gay" married! (ETA....thanks)
Last edited Wed Feb 18, 2015, 01:35 AM - Edit history (1)
Actually, I am just married. There is no such thing as "gay" marriage. There is only "marriage." There is nothing special about my marriage, other than it is now legal in my state. Did you notice I italicized and bolded the word "state"? Yeah, that is what makes my marriage "special." It is only legal in my state and 36 others (there are 50 states) and not on a federal level. So, ever wondered what a difference it can make?
Well, for one, my home and possessions can't be claimed by the State if my husband were to die (G-d forbid). Unknown or distant relatives can't roll up and take my shit (or his, if it were me to go). I don't have to get documentation to visit him in the hospital or get his medical records. And this year, I am not a "dependent", I am a "spouse." So, instead of a return of $750 from Federal, it is now almost $5900! I don't have a job. I don't work from home. I take care of our home, but now, it is different. To be clear, it isn't just about the Benjamins, it is about being EQUAL! Well, kinda. See, if we were to move to one of those other 13 states, well, I am back to being a "dependent."
The Supreme Court is supposed too take up this issue soon. Many are already popping their champagne corks. Don't. It is very possible they will rule in our favor, but don't think for a moment the haters will stop trying to declare me and my husband second-class (or worse) citizens. Already we are seeing states trying to fight marriage EQUALITY. To this day, we are seeing efforts to overturn women's reproductive rights, and, in many places, they are still limited. Too many are becoming complacent; thinking the battle is over, or almost over. We have to stay strong, be loud, and continue to demand that gay people are entitled to being seen as citizens; human.
My marriage is boring. It is nothing spectacular. It is routine. But, I love my husband, please remember I should be entitled to share the rewards (and responsibilities) of that love.
[hr]
ETA: I wanted to say thank you to all the people who wished us well. It was very kind. I think, however, I didn't make the point I intended. LOL! We got married in November of last year, so as of today, we have been married 3 months. I was trying to point out how, for years (for us), that our 'partnership' had several disadvantages but once being allowed to legally marry, many of those disadvantages evaporated. The tax situation was just one glaring example of how unjustly and unequally we were treated because of our sexual orientation.
That said, it was nice to see all the well-wishes again. :giggle:
I apologize for my point being a bit convoluted, but I hope people do see how something as simple as marriage "rights" makes a huge difference in the life of someone they know.
Skittles
(153,193 posts)WOO!!
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)The toothpaste can't be put back into the tube. So many states and loving couples are married now and taking that away would be a ginormous mess. I am so very happy for you and so many other couples.
It's bittersweet because my close friend and his partner of 10 years got engayged (his word) a few days after the DOMA/Prop 8 rulings.... and then passed away very suddenly 2 months later. He would have been thrilled at all of the changes in the short time since. And married now.
A friend posted this recently to FB, it made me smile.
I am cautiously optimistic and VERY happy for you.
Bohunk68
(1,364 posts)Yes, that is what it is. As BTA put so well, the struggle is NOT over and marriage equality is not the end goal. I am in the same boat with PeaceNikki. My love died before we could get married. Right now, if his SS were mine, it would make a huge difference as to whether I could remain in the home we built. The taxes are going to throw me out in the street.
However, that being said, SOOOO happy for you and your spouse, BTA.
OKNancy
(41,832 posts)marble falls
(57,204 posts)Cha
(297,655 posts)Happy for you and your spouse!
Awesome post!
shenmue
(38,506 posts)Lee-Lee
(6,324 posts)xchrom
(108,903 posts)mnhtnbb
(31,402 posts)Both my sons are gay and in established relationships. I am waiting to be the
mother of the groom, one of these days, since NC has now been included
in the states offering marriage equality--although the right wingers are
fighting it very hard here.
Major Nikon
(36,827 posts)Roland99
(53,342 posts)Um, well, neither do I!
Congrats!!
Half-Century Man
(5,279 posts)The best revenge is living well.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)Behind the Aegis
(53,986 posts)I hope we can see each other again some time in the near future!
winter is coming
(11,785 posts)BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)Ruby the Liberal
(26,219 posts)So happy for you - and what an awesome post. Congrats!!
Yorktown
(2,884 posts)Best of luck to your couple.
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)May you have many years of "routine" with your husband!
marym625
(17,997 posts)Yes, it is special. It's special because it's yours. It's special because even though it's legal in only a fraction of the States, not everyone that wants to marry has the courage to do it.
Most importantly, it's special because you are part of it. I hope that your husband knows how lucky he is
allan01
(1,950 posts)William769
(55,147 posts)meti57b
(3,584 posts)I do not see any reasonable argument the supreme court could make against it.
.
H2O Man
(73,605 posts)I'm very happy for you & your husband!
Marriage equality is a human right, and all of society benefits from it. I am especially happy when people I know -- both in person, and here on the internet -- are getting married.
Your OP in particular expresses the goodness of that. Thank you!
Adrahil
(13,340 posts)Great post!
tblue37
(65,487 posts)Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)WhiteTara
(29,722 posts)you have a long and happy union!
eridani
(51,907 posts)Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Octafish
(55,745 posts)Good luck!
Bluenorthwest
(45,319 posts)It's the best!
SidDithers
(44,228 posts)Congratulations, BTA!
Sid
coffeenap
(3,173 posts)So happy for you!
MuseRider
(34,119 posts)Congratulations This is wonderful news and what you wrote is exactly what it is and should be.
Complacency will ruin it all. Just look what our lovely governor did in my state just to your North. We will get it back, you can be sure of that and our response was rapid and large and will not let up. You let up for a second in states like ours and the game is over.
I am so happy for you!
NewJeffCT
(56,829 posts)for a lifetime of happiness together.
Have fun ruining all the the straight marriages around you as well!
Phentex
(16,334 posts)I hope one day it is legal everywhere.
BeeBee
(1,074 posts)madamvlb
(495 posts)irisblue
(33,023 posts)Happyhippychick
(8,379 posts)I hope the irony of my tag line is apparent!
one_voice
(20,043 posts)I'm hoping that soon you won't have to say 'my state'.
Wishing you two many years of love, laughter and peace.
Now let's party.
Behind the Aegis
(53,986 posts)You might not have known it, but there were a few DU'ers who were with me in spirit...you were one of them!
oldandhappy
(6,719 posts)Iwillnevergiveup
(9,298 posts)says it all. Congratulations and best wishes for all good things - even if some of them may be boring.
TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)...the tax savings alone...
I've never been married nor had the desire to be married to any of my lovers. It always seemed like such a straight thing to do. Now that it's actually legal, I'm beginning to see what all the fuss was about.
The fact that you now have a choice and a legal right, makes your marriage spectacular!
Congrats and cheers.
TYY
carolinayellowdog
(3,247 posts)It has been demoralizing to see how many DUers are ready to exclude all "red-staters" from DU, the Democratic Party, and maybe even the human race. This struggle has been NATIONAL in scope and now your LGBT and straight allies throughout the nation can celebrate with you.
From a purple state, CYD.
TBF
(32,090 posts)in Wash DC in the 90s. We did the appeals on Social Security disability claims for AIDS patients. With the appeal we could move quickly and often get benefits for our clients, but it was painful to watch their families take over and sometimes even bar their partners from the hospital and inevitable funerals. I believe very strongly that adults should be able to marry who they choose and they should be granted all legal rights that male/female partners have.
Behind the Aegis
(53,986 posts)One of the things that scared me the most was if something were to happen to him (G-d forbid!), I stood to lose our home, his pension, his SS, our cars, even the contents of our home should his family or the state decided it was in their best interest. I feel a bit more secure, but I have a nasty habit of always looking over my shoulder, never fully secure.
TBF
(32,090 posts)in the 90s that is very much what happened. It's just so ridiculous and makes me very angry.
Hekate
(90,793 posts)Blessings on your union.
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)uppityperson
(115,679 posts)sheshe2
(83,898 posts)Mazel Tov! To you both BtA~
ismnotwasm
(42,008 posts)libdem4life
(13,877 posts)and will finally give way...to sanity. Congratulations!
Skidmore
(37,364 posts)zappaman
(20,606 posts)Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)spanone
(135,873 posts)Terra Alta
(5,158 posts)Boomer
(4,168 posts)I still smile every time I get to say "wife" instead of "partner."
I have a wife now. Such a small word for how much our world has changed.
Pooka Fey
(3,496 posts)I wish you and your husband every happiness in your journey. May you always share the joys and heartaches of living and growing old, together!
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
--- William Shakespeare
nichomachus
(12,754 posts)You had better have documentation for hospital things. General visiting may not be a problem, but depending on the hospital, they may want to see some documentation to visit the ICU (family members only), making decisions, or getting medical records. They're probably not going to just take your word for it. What would prevent me from walking in, saying I was your husband, and getting your medical records. In fact, I'd be worried if the hospital didn't want some proof before handing out confidential information.
My partner and I have our marriage certificate scanned into both of our records at our local hospital. I know of heterosexual couples that have had to show documentation. One problem for hospitals is that a lot of heterosexual couples who are unmarried and living together refer to themselves as "married," even when they're not. This causes all sorts of legal problems for the hospital.
Behind the Aegis
(53,986 posts)You make a really good point. We got married, we also got three notarized copies of our marriage license. I have easy access to them. If we travel out of state, I will definitely take one with me. To be honest, I wouldn't have thought to do so, but you make some valid points, especially because we have different last names.
As for are ONLY hospital (yeah, there is only one here), I doubt they want a repeat of what happened several years ago, when we weren't legally married, and I threated to defenestrate a doctor! I may be short and look unthreatening, but try to harm my husband or get in my way and our sleepy little town will be all over the national news!
Thanks for the advice. I hope others see your post and take it to heart as it is better to be safe than sorry (or end up in jail because you go bat-shit psycho on a bigot).
AtomicKitten
(46,585 posts)msanthrope
(37,549 posts)LeftishBrit
(41,210 posts)Your 'boring' marriage - except that love is never boring!
frazzled
(18,402 posts)(since everyone else was sending Mazel, I had to toast you "To life!"
But you know, your marriage is recognized on the federal level for tax purposes, which is about as legal as it gets on the federal level:
WASHINGTON The U.S. Department of the Treasury and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) today ruled that same-sex couples, legally married in jurisdictions that recognize their marriages, will be treated as married for federal tax purposes. The ruling applies regardless of whether the couple lives in a jurisdiction that recognizes same-sex marriage or a jurisdiction that does not recognize same-sex marriage.
The ruling implements federal tax aspects of the June 26 Supreme Court decision invalidating a key provision of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act.
Under the ruling, same-sex couples will be treated as married for all federal tax purposes, including income and gift and estate taxes. The ruling applies to all federal tax provisions where marriage is a factor, including filing status, claiming personal and dependency exemptions, taking the standard deduction, employee benefits, contributing to an IRA and claiming the earned income tax credit or child tax credit.
Any same-sex marriage legally entered into in one of the 50 states, the District of Columbia, a U.S. territory or a foreign country will be covered by the ruling. However, the ruling does not apply to registered domestic partnerships, civil unions or similar formal relationships recognized under state law.
Legally-married same-sex couples generally must file their 2013 federal income tax return using either the married filing jointly or married filing separately filing status.
Individuals who were in same-sex marriages may, but are not required to, file original or amended returns choosing to be treated as married for federal tax purposes for one or more prior tax years still open under the statute of limitations.
http://www.irs.gov/uac/Newsroom/Treasury-and-IRS-Announce-That-All-Legal-Same-Sex-Marriages-Will-Be-Recognized-For-Federal-Tax-Purposes%3B-Ruling-Provides-Certainty,-Benefits-and-Protections-Under-Federal-Tax-Law-for-Same-Sex-Married-Couples
rhett o rick
(55,981 posts)They've been married in the eyes of the almighty (state of WA) since June (about) and now are looking to divorce. Technically, they been together for about 5 years. Sorry to see it but I think it's for the best.
swimboy
(7,285 posts)And Hail to teh Boring!
We got married in DC and VA came into the fold of recognizing our marriage on our first anniversary. Paradoxically and in the best possible way it changes everything and nothing! Our relationship was constant but our place in the world shifted considerably.
I'm so happy for the two of you! WoW!
dbackjon
(6,578 posts)Congrats again!!!
Very happy for all of us that now can be legally married.
Also - we can't become complaisant.
SusanCalvin
(6,592 posts)bigwillq
(72,790 posts)radhika
(1,008 posts)Number23
(24,544 posts)Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)Oh,...so it's "traditional".
BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)I didn't see the sky rip open and blood rain down when you got married, so I guess it really is no big deal! Good for both of you and hope you have lots of fun.
Dark n Stormy Knight
(9,771 posts)randys1
(16,286 posts)The bigots are running out of outrages to motivate their base.
What is a bigot to do if he cant prevent Gay Americans from equality!
guillaumeb
(42,641 posts)marriage is hard work. I know, having been working at it for 36 years. many happy returns fellow citizen and fellow homo (sometimes)sapien
merrily
(45,251 posts)please get documentation in order. You can direct your doctors, hospitals, etc. with whom to share and not share your medical info, get wills, etc.
The bit about your medical records should not require more than a letter. Unless you have a huge complicated estate, a standard will should not cost much. If you can't afford even a little, a form that you find online for your state might do it.
And I hope with all my heart that someday soon, your state will also recognize your marriage. If not, I urge you to consider living in Massachusetts, the first state to recognize fully equal rights to marriage (IIRC, while Romney was Governor, too, though he tried to use an old statute against it).
And, since equal marriage has been law in Massachusetts for so long, you don't have to worry about traditional marriages because, of course, equal marriage ended them all within a year.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)JustAnotherGen
(31,879 posts)Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Couldn't happen to a nicer chap. I remain very happy for you two.
And as for the rest of it, full and total recognition at Federal and all state levels- and glad to continue the fight.
blkmusclmachine
(16,149 posts)REP
(21,691 posts)Yes, we have a way to go but it's still good to celebrate happiness along the way. Mazel tov!
TM99
(8,352 posts)Welcome to the ups and downs of plain old married life.
Isn't it wonderful!?
Aerows
(39,961 posts)May you both have a joyful, prosperous and healthy long life, my friend!
muriel_volestrangler
(101,361 posts)I guess 'just married' is such a standard phrase that many people went straight for the common usage of that. But your OP is a good one with the original intent too.