Experience: I’ve slept with 3,000 men (63 year old grandma)

[Omaha Steve]

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/13/experience-i-slept-with-3000-men-sex-swingers

‘I am actually married. But neither of us puts sex on a pedestal. We see it for what it is: separate from love’



‘Life is about experimenting and experiencing, and that’s what we do.’ Photograph: Chris Fairweather/Ross Parry Agency
Marie Calvert
Friday 13 February 2015 07.02 EST

It was the night I slept with 14 men that I first started to try to work out how many partners I’ve been with. The truth is, I’m not sure. My conservative estimate is about 100 guys a year for more than three decades. I’m 63 now and I’ve slowed down a little – but only a little. Why do I do it? Having sex isn’t something I do for a living, but it is my passion. It’s the most enjoyable, exhilarating, satisfying way to spend your time. Some women like yoga, some like badminton. I like carnality.

I am actually married. Barry and I have been together since I was 15 – we wed when I was 19, have two grandchildren, and he’s my world. But neither of us puts sex on a pedestal. We see it for what it is: separate from love. It’s not natural to stick with one sexual partner for 60 years. Life is about experimenting and experiencing, and that’s what we do. Barry goes with other women. I don’t get jealous because I know he loves me. Until the age of 28, I’d only been with him and we had a terrific sex life, but one day he brought home a swingers’ magazine he’d picked up from a workmate. He sort of joked we should try it; I told him not to be daft, and he never mentioned it again.

But I kept looking at the mag and imagining how fun it might be. Eventually I told him we should give it a go. He looked like a kid at Christmas. The first couple we met – through the listings in that magazine – were university lecturers in their 40s, and I still remember driving to their home that Friday. Barry stopped the car and said, “Are we sure about this?” We were so nervous, but we were also insanely excited. I said we’d try it once and see how it went. And it went… joyously.

As soon as we met them I was flirting with the guy. John was sophisticated and handsome, and over dinner there was this intense chemistry. Afterwards, there were a few minutes when just he and I were in the living room, and I thought it was now or never so I kissed him, and that was that. By the time Barry came in with John’s wife, we were otherwise engaged. I remember looking at Barry’s face and seeing a big smile come over it; I knew everything would be fine, and that life had changed for ever.

FULL story at link. I guess this is for Valentine's Day???

[niyad]

1. you go, granny!!!!!!!

channeling jan and dean here.

[840high]

4. This makes me feel very tired

and most inadequate. Each to their own. I can count the men I slept with on one hand.

[TheCowsCameHome]

20. Men sleeping on your hand isn't so much the problem.

It's what it leads too that can be troublesome.

[840high]

31. Heehee - I need more coffee. Much more.

[kwassa]

33. I almost spewed my coffee.

thanks for that.

[rug]

39. Some men can only count their hand.

[Warren DeMontague]

87. at first glance, I thought he was wheeling a loaf of bread.

[rug]

94. Anything in a pinch.

[Laffy Kat]

129. Right. Whatever floats your boat, IMO. nt

[ND-Dem]

2. and I think 'it's not natural' to sleep with 3000 people. opinions differ.

[niyad]

5. who defines "natural"?

[ND-Dem]

11. in my post, i do. that's why i said 'opinions differ'

[Dreamer Tatum]

13. Don't let them call you a square just because you don't want to devote your adult life to sex.

I happen to agree with you.

[840high]

70. +1

[Saboburns]

120. er, um you're a little confused

Ain't nobody calling ND_DEM square, or even judging them. it's ND-Dem judging others.

No need to thank me.

[treestar]

102. IMO science contraindicates it to some degree

by the fact you are exposed to more diseases. Not being prudish but there is some upper limit where it will be riskier as to all that intimate contact making the spread of contagious disease more likely and so Darwin would tend to knock out those overdoing it.

[snooper2]

8. I doubt she actually ever slept

LOL

[Augustus]

43. As opposed to having sex with the same person 3000 times?

With the exception of the physiological differences (eg. Penis size, muscle mass...), there's not really much of a difference between having sex with the same person 3000 times and having sex once with 3000 different people. I suppose the one partner scenario leads to better sex because you get to know each other's likes and dislikes, but we all know even that eventually that gets boring.

[OnlinePoker]

48. I'm 52 and have had sex maybe 200 times in total (with someone else).

I can't conceive of that much nookie.

[tazkcmo]

52. Are you married or in a relationship?

Assuming you didn't have sex until you were 22, at 200 times over 30 years, less than once a month? I guess that explains your "name".

[OnlinePoker]

65. Married 12 years

I was 25 the first time I was a willing participant.

[ND-Dem]

138. i don't want to. it's not my area of interest.

[LittleBlue]

3. The female Wilt Chamberlain. nt

[Dreamer Tatum]

6. If 1 is too few, 3000 is way too fucking many. nt

[Myrina]

7. I agree that love and sex are separate ...

... and I agree that people have the right to do whatever tingles their toes ... but sometimes one needs question their motivation.
14 guys in one night? Ick.

Trying not to judge given the context of the "50 Shades" mania that's going on now ... but honestly having had no desire and no interactions for over 5 years, after having been with over 100 guys during my 20's, I don't understand people's obsession with nookie.

[snooper2]

10. put it in context with the SI cover and posters flipping their shit over that :)

That lady is being taken advantage of by the PATRIARCHY!


This lady is empowered and STRONG!

[ismnotwasm]

136. Horny is the word I'd use.

And what does any of it have to do with models on magazines?

[Xithras]

12. Umm...it feels good?

"I don't understand people's obsession with nookie."

Orgasms. Mind blowing, tow curling, breath stealing orgasms.

[HappyMe]

15. Yup.

Sex is fun.

[Xithras]

28. Indeed they are.

But I've always found that half the fun of sex is the joy of giving them to others. Making people happy is a lot of fun.

My wife and I have had an open marriage for a decade, so neither of us has any hangups about sex. Some people get a thrill out of having fun with new people. Others don't. People should live their lives in whatever way makes them happy.

Life is fraught with risk. I spent a good chunk of my 20's climbing mountains, one slipped finger away from death or serious injury. I fly fish, often spending my days waist deep in fast flowing water that can sweep me away with one misstep. I still kayak when time allows, where I whiz past countless thousands of boulders...each hoping beyond hope for an opportunity to bash my brains in. I ride a bicycle in San Francisco, where many drivers see screwing with bicyclists as a sport.

Life is full of risks. There's nothing wrong with choosing to avoid them, but some of us are willing to accept a bit of risk in order to live the lives we want. My perspectives on sex are simply an extension of that same mindset.

[Pacifist Patriot]

29. I could have written that.

I'm also not convinced this is a great example of empowerment. It might be, but it could also just as easily be indicative of someone who gets their self-worth by feeling sexually attractive to others. Fine line to distinguish sometimes.

[Control-Z]

30. Yes!

(No text needed)

[Myrina]

46. errrrr ...

.... the thought of being grunty and groany and sweaty sorta disgusts me.

[Codeine]

63. Sex drive varies from person to person.

Obviously this wonderful lady is a statistical outlier, but more power to her! She sounds grounded and happy.

[HappyMe]

9. Good for her.

It sounds exhausting.

[Lurks Often]

14. I'm not going to criticize them or say they were wrong

I probably won't choose to make the same decisions they made, but it certainly seems to have worked out for them and both her and her husband seem happy.

I've had a couple of threesomes and they were fun, I regret very few of the choices I've made in the bedroom.

[Shrike47]

16. Sloppy 14ths? Ewww.

To each her own, I guess.

[Lurks Often]

23. Condoms were almost certainly being used

what little I have heard/read about the swinging culture is that condoms are usually a requirement for penetration.

[justhanginon]

35. Sometimes I go to the deli

and have to stand in line to wait to be served and same goes for the bakery where I do take a number and wait my turn, however, I draw the line at waiting for questionable sex that probably has to have a time limit.
Romance is hopefully not dead for everyone and to me a little romance makes it a much more pleasurable and satisfying encounter. A bottle of wine, fix her favorite dinner, some nice music and conversation and then, oh yeah!

[one_voice]

17. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with...

20,000 different women (probably exaggerated). So what. That's what makes the world go round. Imagine how boring life would be if everyone thought the same way, did everything the same way, etc. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone...

[Yavin4]

18. I wouldn't mind being 3001!

Yeah, I said it. She's hot.

[Blue_Tires]

60. Frame is high-mileage, but she'll do in a pinch

[Logical]

119. "in a pinch", what a rude thing to say. classy. nt

[Blue_Tires]

141. riiiiiight

Because the other poster(s) saying they'd want to fuck her is equally as appropriate

[Logical]

142. You were insulting her. But sure you don't get it. Like I said, Classy! nt

[OriginalGeek]

64. I think she's very pretty too

She and her husband found a way to be happy and have fun in this world. Good for them.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

19. Well, that is One Way to make a Spectacle of Your Self. Mission Accomplished.

[Saboburns]

121. Being happy, and true to yourself is a spectacle??

How can you say that? That's a terrible thing to say.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

139. If making a *spectacle* of herself is making her happy, who am I to judge?

Spectacle
noun
1.
anything presented to the sight or view, especially something of a striking or impressive kind:
The stars make a fine spectacle tonight.
2.
a public show or display, especially on a large scale:
The coronation was a lavish spectacle.

Synonyms
1. marvel, wonder, sight, show

Rent something with four-wheel-drive, and experience the spectacle on a new, free self-guided tour.
In a month-long spectacle of feasting and negotiating on a scale that would never be repeated, they both got their wish.
So it's no surprise that the largest televised spectacle in the world has a history of using jetpacks.

British Dictionary definitions for spectacle
spectacle
/ˈspɛktəkəl/
noun
1.
a public display or performance, esp a showy or ceremonial one
2.
a thing or person seen, esp an unusual or ridiculous one: he makes a spectacle of himself
3.
a strange or interesting object or phenomenon

Word Origin
C14: via Old French from Latin spectaculum a show, from spectāre to watch, from specere to look at

mid-14c., "specially prepared or arranged display," from Old French spectacle, from Latin spectaculum "a show, spectacle," from spectare "to view, watch," frequentative form of specere "to look at," from PIE *spek- "to observe" (see scope (n.1)).

Quotes with spectacle
An ambassador is not simply an agent; he is also a spectacle.
Walter Bagehot

It was a Sunday afternoon, wet and cheerless; and a duller spectacle this earth of ours has not to...
Thomas De Quincey

Povert ful ofte, whan a man is lowe, Maketh his God and eek himself to knowe. Povert a spectacle is,...
Geoffrey Chaucer

[Ace Rothstein]

21. I'm not an orgy guy.

Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy?

[louis-t]

26. I'd have to get new clothes, I'd have to get new friends,

I'd have to get 'orgy friends'....

[TheCowsCameHome]

22. Is there an EZ pass express lane?

3,000 trips?

Oy.

[840high]

34. Do you mean a drive-through Slam-bam

thank you ma'am.

[TheCowsCameHome]

41. Yeah, and you don't even have to roll the window down.

What progress, eh?

[Skittles]

73. that is how most of them go

[840high]

75. Instant coffee. Instant sex. I prefer

the regular grind.

[benz380]

25. Article says they opened a swingers' club. I wonder if she can climb that stripper pole. n/t

[F4lconF16]

27. This is cool.

I could not handle a hundredth of that many, but damn, good for her. Hopefully she was safe, and it was all consensual. Whatever floats your boat, eh?

I do agree about the idea that one sex partner for life isn't so great. Too many things change, people change, time passes...stuff happens. I'm not a big fan of lifelong marriages for the same reason. If any of you have read the webcomic "Digger", I think the wombat society has it right:
diggercomic.com...497
diggercomic.com...488

[sibelian]

36. Good for her!

God bless yer, ma'am!

[progressoid]

37. Sex on a pedestal?

That takes coordination and balance!

[Rhinodawg]

38. I hope she practiced safe sex.

[KG]

40. good for her, and them.

[skypilot]

42. 14 men in one night?

How does that work exactly? Did she have these 14 liaisons pre-arranged? Were they all "quickies"? I can't even imagine meeting 14 men in a single night that I find appealing enough to want to talk to for any length of time, let alone sleep with.

[prayin4rain]

45. Right?

.... and holy vaginal irritation, batman! Yikes!

[kcr]

80. I was thinking the same thing.

That's got to be painful.

[Pacifist Patriot]

50. I can't get my brain around either the logistics or...

the affect on the sexual organs. Everything about it seems to defy the laws of physics to me.

[TheCowsCameHome]

53. The shuttle bus must've been half empty.

[skypilot]

58. Unless...

...all this schtupping took place on the bus, in which case it was probably half full.

[Blue_Tires]

59. an orgy or huge swap party?

If you know where to go, you can even arrange the plans online and get 14 strangers (which would be a monumental risk, but that's what excites some people...)

[Codeine]

66. Go to a swingers club sometime.

That's pushing the performance envelope even for a place like that, but I've seen over a half-dozen couplings by one person several times.

[Shrike47]

89. I don't think a lot of talking was involved.

Fucking total strangers just doesn't seem that appealing to me.

[bigwillq]

44. If you can get it, get it!

Her life. Her body. Her choice.

"It’s not natural to stick with one sexual partner for 60 years. Life is about experimenting and experiencing, and that’s what we do."

I am a big believer in this.

[uppityperson]

47. If it makes them happy and no one gets hurt, whatever. There are all sorts of people doing all sort

of things.

[jomin41]

49. If you're reading this, young lady...

call me.

[liberal N proud]

51. Different strokes...

Well!

[MarshallS]

54. To those who commented, may I recommend "Sex at Dawn" (no, it's a book! Really)

In this controversial, thought-provoking, and brilliant book, renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá debunk almost everything we “know” about sex, weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to show how far from human nature monogamy really is. In Sex at Dawn, the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity. “A scandal in the best sense. . . . This book takes a swing at pretty much every big idea on human nature: that poverty is an inevitable consequence of life on earth, that mankind is by nature brutish, and, most important, that humans evolved to be monogamous.” — Kate Dailey, Newsweek “My favorite book of [the year]. . . . Good humor, sharp writing, and remarkable asides. . . . It casually and effectively demolishes a Solomon’s Temple worth of conventional wisdom about something we thought we understood pretty well: who we are. It made me wonder how much else of what I think I know is wrong, and it makes me eager to find out.” — Peter Sagal, National Public Radio

[kcr]

81. So, does the book explain why monogamy came about?

Why aren't we all just randomly screwing 14 people a day? I'm not claiming that those that wish to do so shouldn't. But I find this claim that it is natural about as helpful as saying I should just shuck indoor plumbing and modern clothing and live in a yurt and fur right now in 15 degree weather, because that's natural. It makes the same amount of sense. The reasons people don't forgo pair bonding are the same reasons they live in sturdily constructed homes and drive cars and use electricity and build governments. Society is pretty beneficial and pair bonding is a key part of that which is why it has endured. I'm sure that book you're endorsing argues that isn't so, but it's nonsense.

[lumberjack_jeff]

101. There's a distinction to be made between physical evolution and social evolution.

Without monogamy, it is maladapted from an evolutionary perspective to be the tribe's hunter/protector. Better to be on the tour circuit of neighboring tribes with only yourself to fend for.

Let someone else feed her and the offspring.

Social evolution set up this system for a reason: it worked.

[lumberjack_jeff]

113. It shouldn't be controversial that our collective social psychology has evolutionary origins.

Having sex with hundreds of mates may be a good idea... provided some patsy will help care for the offspring.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_investment

The separation of sex and procreation will probably affect human psychology in the future.

[lumberjack_jeff]

117. "What is wrong with me" is my apparent inability to communicate effectively...

... in whatever language in which you are fluent.

The purpose of an organism is to pass along their genes. Caring for anothers offspring serves only the evolutionary purpose of that other individual, the poor cave man stuck with the responsibility of those kids is a patsy and a genetic dead end.

Families are the basic building block of civilization. It may be possible to encourage people to grow to create a sense of community - to treat all of humanity as "one big family", but it's unlikely when the constituent individuals are indifferent toward their own little family.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

55. Dang!

Way too many men for me to deal with. At my age (close to hers) I see very few men that impress me at all. I mean in general, as far as personality, brains, sparkle. With their clothes on.

But if she grooves on it, good for her.

[HereSince1628]

56. Does that leave callouses?

[beveeheart]

83. Most likely serious bruising,

but I laughed at your response.

[ladjf]

57. She may well be telling the truth as she sees it.

But, I'd like to remind people that it can work for some people but not for others. Everyone has to sort out what is right for them. Many good relationships could be wrecked by careless experimentation.

[betsuni]

61. She must know a lot about manly firmness.

[TeeYiYi]

62. Ew.

:/

TYY

[mainer]

67. All power to her, but I'd be embarrassed to be her granddaughter.

I think I'd rather have granny keep it to herself.

[Omaha Steve]

68. I wonder what was said in the removed posts

I missed out. Marta and I went to lunch and the store right after I posted this. I missed a lot of activity.

OS

[Xithras]

76. Not sure.

Message 24 was a fairly vanilla comment about the orgasm thing not requiring a partner. I never got to read the response posted to me

[Ramses]

69. Thanks, Obama

[Skittles]

71. gross!

[Bonx]

72. I was gonna go 'Yuck!', but 'gross!' works.

[Skittles]

74. careful, Bonx

we will be called UPTIGHT because we think having sex with 14 guys in a day is just plain nasty

[SomethingFishy]

116. Not by me...

I'm with you.. Gross... One of the joys of getting old is no more need for condoms or birth control. For her I'd have to make an exception..

[Skittles]

118. yes

she confuses her vagina for a clown car.

[olddots]

77. yeah well I've had sex with ten gazillion women , yeah atleast that many

actually I'm into quality not quantity .........okay its been low quality .

[Skittles]

104. STOP IT OLDDOTS

[petronius]

78. 3,000 partners is nothing - I've had sex with 3 brazilian women...

[kcr]

82. The very first response was You go, granny!!!!!

I went through all the responses, and the only one I could see who used all caps is you.

You really can't stand it if anyone doesn't march completely in lock step with you.

[kcr]

99. I don't have anyone on ignore, and I don't see anyone I'd consider horrified

[kcr]

143. Actually, my point was to show

how exaggerated the idea is that there is some crowd here that is just so easily offended.

[kcr]

146. Of course there is. But you aren't among them, are you?

Of course not. It's subjective when you don't agree. DU isn't a hobby for you. It's serious business.

[Skittles]

105. WTF

believe it or not, I can think more power to any consenting adult *AND* think it is just plain NASTY to fuck 14 guys in a day.....and I do not own a single piece of jewelry!!!

[Skittles]

107. right, so I am not "clutching my pearls" over this gal

I think she is gross but she is free to do whatever she wants

[Kaleva]

130. Nasty Girl

[pnwmom]

84. Maybe this is free publicity for their business?

But anyway, better this than 50 Shades.

[Bad Thoughts]

95. Better title for this article: "People in sex industry have sex!"

Whatever one thinks of the morality of this number, this couple turned sex into a business, if not a sport. It's not surprising that the number should be so high.

[DeSwiss]

85. K&R!

[JI7]

88. there is a lot between having sex only with someone you love and with 14 people in one day

[KG]

90. yknow, 'slept with' is a childish way of say 'fucked'.

[benz380]

91. And she ain't no ways tired! nt

[MoonRiver]

92. ...

[KentuckyWoman]

93. Lucky gal

Not for the 3000 men but for finding a husband at such a young age that had the same ideas about love, marriage and sex. She could be true to herself and so could he.

Divorces are a testament to how hard it is to get the right fit.....

[yallerdawg]

96. Whew!

For a second, I thought this was OS confessional!

"Hi, my name is Omaha Steve, and I've slept with 3,000 men and my 63 year old grandma."

Not that there's anything wrong with that?

[Lurks Often]

97. Going by some of the posts, tolerance = people who only share the same views I do

and if they don't, I will make rude remarks intended to denigrate them and criticize their lifestyle even though it has zero impact on my own life.

The saddest partis, this is how many portray the people on right as behaving. Maybe some need to be taking a long, hard look into the mirror and recognize what hypocrites they are.

[vankuria]

98. To each his own

but 14 men in one night, ick! I guess you can look at this as empowering, but to me all I see is someone who appears very needy, wanting validation on a regular basis.

Not to mention the chance she could catch a disease or other assorted parasites, and yes I suppose she uses condoms but who hasn't had one of those break?

She can have her life, I'll take my monogamous relationship with my husband any day.

[KittyWampus]

100. she is likely addicted to the "novelty" chemicals that our brains/bodies release….

as much as she is keen on the sex.

[cwydro]

110. Ick.

I can't imagine being that close to so many others' bodies. Just yuck.

[PasadenaTrudy]

114. I'm with you on that! n/t

[Aristus]

111. An attractive older woman who really, really likes sex.

That's hot!...

[Monk06]

123. Reminds me of a joke about two guys a girl and a lost set of car keys. n/t

[Omaha Steve]

125. WELCOME to the DU

Glad to meet you.

OS

[notadmblnd]

127. I wish I had her energy.

[Kali]

131. !

best reply yet!

[mopinko]

132. bless her little heart.

gives me hope.

[3catwoman3]

137. The 14 guys in one night reminds me....

...of a psychiatric patient I had as a nursing student. She had a history of multiple in-patient admissions for depression and hysterical personality disorder. She would walk around the in-patient unit either completely unkempt, or dressed and made up like a lady of the evening.

One of her admissions came thru the ER, where she appeared with the presenting complaint of, "I just finished screwing 17 guys and my bottom hurts." I remember, when I read this statement, thinking, "Well, if you did, I bet it does."

[nomorenomore08]

140. I'm indifferent. At least she comes off a lot less sleazy than, say, Gene Simmons.

[G_j]

145. Helen Fisher, Ph.D: Why People Fall in Love

Helen Fisher, PhD, is a Biological Anthropologist at Rutgers University and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. She studies the evolution, brain systems (fMRI) and biological patterns of romantic love, mate choice, marriage, adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the biology of personality, and the neuroscience of leadership and business styles. She has written five internationally best selling books, including Why Him? Why Her? Why We Love and Anatomy of Love, and publishes widely in academic journals. She is currently Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site Match.com and it’s subsidiary, Chemistry.com, where she designed the Chemistry.com questionnaire now taken by 13 million people in 40 countries. She lectures worldwide; including lectures at TED, The World Economic Forum (Davos), 2012 international meeting of the G-20, National Academy of Sciences, The Economist, United Nations, Smithsonian Institution, and the Salk Institute, and she appears regularly on TV, radio and print media