U.S. Orders Alabama to Grow Up (Borowitz)
MONTGOMERY (The Borowitz Report)—A week of turmoil in Alabama culminated on Friday with the United States ordering the Southern state to grow up.
After a week in which Alabama exhibited various displays of childishness—including kicking, screaming, stamping its feet, and threatening to hold its breath—the United States decided to take the extraordinary action of telling the hundred-and-ninety-five-year-old state to act its age.
But any hopes that the United States’ order would be heeded were dashed when Alabama put its fingers in its ears and emitted a stream of monosyllabic nonsense sounds, claiming that the order had been rendered inaudible.
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