Anti-Bandage Movement Stirs Controversy

[kpete]

Washington - The anti-bandage controversy flared up again today when several children at a local school bled to death from paper cuts. With the medical community calling for mandatory bandaging of all cuts, the anti-bandage movement has moved into damage control mode.



Anti-bandage spokesman Midde Eavel commented,"This is just scare tactics from big bandages. You know how much money Johnson and Johnson made last year? When are you people gonna wake up and do some research. The truth is out there."

AMA spokesman Dr. Duhhh commented, "If you're bleeding, put a band aid on. Bleeding is bad, it's all scientifically proven."

Anti-Bandage spokesperson Hoam Skould, responded, "This so-called 'science' is in fact disputed by many experts, I've read dozens of web pages proving I'm right. If you have bad blood you need to get it out. The ancients knew this, and used leeches and bloodletting to produce cures. This holistic approach may not be very popular with the stock market and partriarchal Western medicine, but just look at the profits of the band-aid corporations and see if you can put two and two together."

Anti-Bandage spokesman Dr. Awn Leindegree added, "The evidence is out there, band-aids slow the natural process of bleeding, thus interferring with your chakras and energies. You know who used bandages alot, the ancient Egyptians. You know what we find from studying their bandages? All the people who used them died. That's right 100 percent death rate from treatment with bandages. How do you explain that? Yes I am a real doctor. Why does everyone keep asking that.?"


http://hoolinet.com/CurrentEvents/AntiBandageMovement/tabid/636/Default.aspx

[stage left]

1. If you just must stop the bleeding, you coward,

use a handful of leaves. All natural, don't you know.

[LiberalEsto]

2. Poison ivy is natural, as I've often pointed out n/t

[stage left]

9. That would do nicely, LiberalEsto.nt

[Arugula Latte]

3. Someone needs to write a children's book about how bleeding is good for you:

"Wanda's Wonderful Weeping Wound"

[jakeXT]

4. I thought they are all using ipads /nt

[brewens]

5. Cauterization is effective and it's what John Wayne would do! Rambo too. n/t

[Archae]

7. Anakin and Luke Skywalker, in addition to Count Dooku would agree!

They all lost one or more hands and cauterization kept them from bleeding to death!

[treestar]

6. That rules as satire

[Archae]

8. Unfortunately Poe's law is in effect, big time.