'Do Gays Unsettle You?'

[Newsjock]

Source: New York Times
By Frank Bruni

... A politician who says awful, hateful things about gays and lesbians can still find a warm enough reception and plenty of traction in one of our two major political parties. ... I don’t expect any of them to win the nomination, partly because their particular, pronounced degree of closed-mindedness won’t wash with the number of Americans whose favor they need. Hurray for that.

But I expect that on their way to defeat they’ll turn us gays into punch lines and punching bags. I expect that I’ll hear and watch large audiences cheer and egg them on. It’s a sickening spectacle, if you pay it any heed.

Sarah Kate Ellis wishes that you would. She’s the head of Glaad, a prominent gay rights group, and she and it are doing something important right now. ... Glaad commissioned a Harris Poll late last year. I was given a first look at the results, which underscored how uncomfortable many Americans remain with gay, lesbian and bisexual people — and, even more so, with transgender people.

About 30 percent of the respondents who didn’t identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender said that it would unsettle them to learn that their physician or child’s teacher did. Close to 45 percent said that they would be uneasy about bringing a child to a same-sex wedding. Thirty-six percent feel uncomfortable when they see a same-sex couple hold hands.

Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/08/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-same-sex-marriage-republican-scorn-and-unfinished-work.html

[krispos42]

1. No.

In fact, I'm hoping one half of the married lesbian couple next door will sign my marriage license in a few months.

[Iggo]

4. What the...?

[Iggo]

6. Who the...?

[uppityperson]

7. It is rude and nasty repeat troll who needs to find a better hobby

[Iggo]

9. MIRT-ified in 7 minutes.

Not bad for the middle of the night.

[uppityperson]

10. Unfortunately, she'll be back. And thank you jurors who voted to hide her crap.

[marym625]

17. You're welcome

I was on the jury for the first one. As quickly as it was we voted to hide, they were gone. I didn't even see the second post.

Sick little person with the mental capacity of an ant.

[hrmjustin]

18. Lg?

[uppityperson]

25. +

[hrmjustin]

26. She called myself and a few others the gay mafia.

[uppityperson]

27. I knew there was something about you

I like mary's take on her in this subthread

[hrmjustin]

28. Agreed!

[marym625]

53. Thanks.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

29. Show me where I can openly sign up with the Gay Mafia, and I will...

[hrmjustin]

30. Lol. you are now a member!

Library Girl will now come back to call us bullies.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

31. A bully is someone who wants equal rights, the non bully just cant understand why us bullies dont

understand that gay folk maker her uncomfy, right?

something like that

bigot assholes is what they are, ALL of them

[hrmjustin]

32. And LG you will find is a big bully.

Have you had the pleaeure of meeting her yet?

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

33. No, why is she able to still exist here? I know racists are allowed to post here constantly, same

for homophobic bigot assholes?

[hrmjustin]

34. She isn't. For ten years she has been signing up and getting no more that 20 posts in before her

ppr. She is addicted to afflicting us with her presence.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

35. Makes you wonder why she is so attracted to talking to gay people.

[hrmjustin]

36. Gays are not her biggest target. She hates vaccines and she lets you know.

She has a variety of things she complains about but unfortunately she feels the need to afflict us with her presence.

After 10 years you think she would get the hint.

[cwydro]

37. How do you know when it's her?

There are so many trolls, and I can't tell them apart.

[hrmjustin]

38. Her smily faces and her hatred of vaccines and individual posters.

She doesn't try to hide who she is for the most part.

[cwydro]

39. Dang

I always miss it I guess.

All I ever see is Name Removed.

[hrmjustin]

40. Since i am not on mirt I tend to miss her as well. She mainly shows up on the weekend.

[marym625]

52. Me too! me too!

I want to be part of the gay mafia!

[hrmjustin]

55. Welcome aboard!

[marym625]

56. THANKS!

I can't wait to start leaning on some people to stop their bigotry!

[stevenleser]

46. I didn't know that LG was a homophobe.

[hrmjustin]

47. i think it had more to do with the fact she hates the gay members who have been on mirt.

But yes I have seen her say homophobic stuff.

[Drahthaardogs]

8. Pizza Time.

Under five minutes or its free...

[MFrohike]

2. Not a bad point to make

Legal equality has come a long way, but social equality is barely on the radar. I suspect some evangelization, as the author calls it, will help a bit, but I think the real solution is the one he recognized prior to that recommendation: time.

[Egnever]

11. Not since I was 17

Moved out of Oklahoma and met some gay people, that pretty much ended it.

Although there was this one time I was in Key west, of course there was a lot of unsettling stuff going on that weekend...

[OriginalGeek]

12. The more I hear about it

the more I want to go to Key West.

[Egnever]

13. Pack your vitamins!

and be prepared to take a week off afterwords

[OriginalGeek]

14. When you need a vacation after vacation

that's how ya know you did it right.

[cwydro]

19. I lived there for over 20 years!

Go for it!

[OriginalGeek]

23. It's on the list for sure

We've lived in Orlando for 30 years but just haven't been in a position to travel as much as we'd like. We are getting there though. Key West is at or near the top of the travel wish list (tops for US travel - UK is tops for foreign...)

[Ex Lurker]

15. People in general unsettle me NT

[Skittles]

16. I remember officially forming my opinion when I saw Anita Bryant in action

I thought, "What a hateful bitch; gay people don't bother me but SHE sure does."

yup

[marym625]

21. dog she's awful

What a .....

I shudder just thinking about her.

[marym625]

20. These numbers are scary

But not surprising. I think my best friend for over 30 years still feels a little uncomfortable around me. I know she doesn't want to, she just does.

Hopefully, things will change as we are more open as a group. Hopefully.

[edhopper]

22. When I was younger

yes, a little. But I still thought they always deserved all rights straight people do.
It's important to acknowledge your feelings and realize they can shade your judgement.
Emotions can be prejudiced, but we need allow our rational mind to see them for what they are.

I am a bit uneasy when thinking about transgender people. But I fully support their choices.

[gvstn]

42. The movie Transamerica might give some perspective.

Well worth a watch if you haven't seen it. It's a good drama with great acting.

[edhopper]

44. Thanks I will look for it.

To elaborate, I think there is nothing wrong with being transgender and hope they are happy in their lives.
And I certainly think they deserve respect and rights.
But I confess I am uneasy when thinking about it. Not proud that I am, but I want to be honest.

[gvstn]

45. Absolutely.

I have always been uncomfortable thinking about transgendered people and the huge decision they must make. I was always uneasy about cross dressers too. Always seemed sad to me that they looked like guys in women's clothing--not pretty women. Part of all that stems from the fact that guys are told that effeminate men or guys that express physical affection (not necessarily sexual) towards each other are gross. So after years of being trained that such affection is gross of course you are shocked if you ever see it.

I really like that movie and it really did change my attitudes about transgendered issues. It is not about being the prettiest woman in the room. It is not an easy decision to make and involves lots of counseling. It is about being yourself even if everyone else hates the idea and getting comfortable with that. I can't explain why the movie had such an impact on me but I don't judge anyone on their fashion choices, degree of effeminacy or gender identity issues anymore. We are all just trying to get through the day and I can get behind anyone that is trying their best at succeeding on doing that.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0407265/

[edhopper]

54. This is true;

" We are all just trying to get through the day and I can get behind anyone that is trying their best at succeeding on doing that."

[Hassin Bin Sober]

24. Yes.

My boyfriend is really getting on my nerves today

Just kidding. He made a nice breakfast today. Bacon and eggs. Hey, waiddaminute, maybe he's trying to kill me

[Scuba]

41. No, but hatred of gays does.

[Sissyk]

43. I don't now, and will never,

understand how some humans can be so fearful(?) of other human beings. Every single one of us, humans, puts their pants on one leg at a time.

It's time to kick all politicians out of office, long overdue actually, that do not support the human rights of any group of humans.

[mythology]

48. I don't believe it has anything to do with being gay

but I do find myself uncomfortable when I'm with a group of gay men who are prominently stereotypically gay if that makes sense. But I feel the same uncomfortableness when around a large group of stereotypical drunken college kids. I think it's the way that the most common traits get turned up to 11 in a group, and I tend to find that it's a case where too much of anything can be a bad thing.

In that study, I'm most surprised by the finding that so many are uncomfortable with the idea of their kid's doctor or teacher being gay. I get that explaining same sex marriage to kids could be difficult and I can understand why people who have been conditioned that guys showing affection/love is "icky" would be uncomfortable with two guys holding hands (not that either should be). But the idea that people are still uncomfortable with their child's doctor or teacher being gay shows we still have a lot of work to do to get rid of the idea that gay/lesbians are somehow related to desires for underage sex.

[Vattel]

49. Gays do unsettle me.

But in a good way.

[Oilwellian]

50. I think they're wonderful people

There are a number of gay lady golfers I've had the pleasure of getting to know over the past few years. They play in the same tournaments I compete in, we have similar handicaps so I'm paired with them often. We also have our share of church lady golfers who look down their nose at these wonderful women, but it never seems to phase them...they continue to smoke their little cigars, drink their beer, get a little rowdy, and I always have a great time in their company.

A few years ago, the small club I belong to had a lesbian couple as members. They were both professionals...one was a lawyer and the other a nurse. They also were parents to a little girl. I didn't realize they were forced to pay the single rate because the club's board of directors wouldn't recognize them as a legitimate family. I learned about it in an email sent by one of the women, letting us know they may be leaving because they couldn't take advantage of the lower family rate. I immediately sent a letter to the board complaining of their blatant discrimination, and soon learned I was the only one to do so. The couple left and joined another competing club and got their family rate.

I was so disappointed that not one other woman spoke up in support of these two women, and several of them claim to be Democrats. It was stupid to deny them the family rate because the club was hurting for money. I guess you can say in this case, bigotry and hate trumped money. It's that strong.

[SheilaT]

51. Oh, jeez, no.

I was an airline employee for ten years, which means that a lot of the men I worked with were gay. In the beginning (I started the job in 1969) they were mostly in the closet, but came out over time. Then AIDS took too many of them.

I can legitimately say that many of my best friends are gay.

I often say that I am a boring heterosexual female. In certain ways I'm very straight, to the point that an outside observer might assume I'd be opposed to all things gay. Nope. Not only do I have the above referenced friends, but I have a niece who is a lesbian. I've only had the pleasure of meeting her partner (now her wife) once, and even if I didn't already get it about gay rights, my niece would have set me straight (so to speak) on this topic.

Our sexuality is not a decision. I did not wake up one day and decide that men were my preferred sexual partners. It was always that way. In December I spent some time with my niece, and she said that from the time she was a little girl she preferred other girls. Of course! We are born the way we are.

As a bit of an aside, I will say that I don't completely get trans gender people ONLY in the sense that it's hard for me to imagine what that must feel like. I'm in a female body. I like my female body. I have no desire to be male, nor do I think that male bodies, or maleness is inherently superior. I do more or less understand how a woman could be attracted to other women, or men to other men. Thinking that my particular body doesn't match my sense of who I am is very far outside my experience. Which is NOT to say I don't think those feelings aren't valid. It is simply to say that I have to spend a lot more time grappling with what that's all about.

[Bettie]

57. No, not really

A few times, I've been surprised that someone was gay, but not unsettled.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

58. No

sometimes I feel a little anxious about unintentionally saying something objectionable (esp. with trans persons- using the wrong gender designations- people identify themselves in so many ways nowadays) but GLBT persons don't bother me at all and I have wrote and marched in support of equality for GLBT persons ever since I became politically active. Having some GLBT friends/acquaintances, as well as a stepdaughter whom has an alternative gender identity (and personally identifying somewhat alternatively myself), I feel like I am more aware and knowledgeable of GLBT concerns than most people.

[haele]

59. Nope, had a lesbian rent-mate when I was in the military a couple decades back.

I was straight, but it was never a problem because we were both in the "first women at sea" cadre, and honestly at that time (1979 - 1981) that was a worse issue in the Navy than being Gay was. Probably about 12% of the women on my ship at that time were lesbian, and maybe another 20% bi. In 1980, 1/4 of the women assigned to the ship were given initially letters of discharge for being lesbian.
Oddly enough, the letter went to all the senior and black female sailors, no matter what their marital status actually was. Even stranger, the division I was worked in was overseen by a command other than the ship's operational command, and none of the four of us women in that division ever saw those letters - and I would suppose it was because the senior officer who was trying to "clean up the ship" by having his yeoman (who was on the list herself) type up that letter to get rid of the female troublemakers when the CO was on a month's emergency leave, didn't want to get into a pissing contest with a Rear Admiral. She tipped the rest of the women off, and the ACLU was called that day before the letters were even signed, forcing a courts-martial trial, which pretty much torpedoed the career of both that officer and the CO.

I can say that because the woman I shared a two-bedroom apartment with was one of those accused of being a lesbian, and the "all-ladies" parties she threw at the apartment were part of the proof used at her courts-martial, but I, a much younger female without an obvious boyfriend or male significant other, wasn't? Also, why didn't NIS (NCIS to you younger kids) ever interview me?
The only person who ever sat down and asked me anything was the ACLU lawyer for my rent-mate.

I digress.

Anyway, I've never found any difference in loving or in a "benefit to the community at large" between hetero-, homo-, or trans couples. The only difference seems to come between relationships based on either committed partnership, co-dependencies, or serial monogamy.

Of course, I don't judge other people and their private relationships based on my personal preferences or religion. That's a particularly limited way of looking at the world.

Haele

[dilby]

60. Only when my roommate wakes me up at 4 AM having sex with his boyfriend.

His room is above mine and generally I can sleep through anything but about 3 weeks ago I thought there was earthquake or something going on, yeah I was pretty unsettled but not because he is gay.