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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsHow Men’s Rights Leader Paul Elam Turned Being A Deadbeat Dad Into A Moneymaking Movement
Really interesting article about Paul Elam and his actual experiences with fatherhood & custody as opposed to his narrative on fatherhood & custody.
...Now, exclusive interviews with Elam’s ex-wives and daughter and newly uncovered court records shed light on a man who, they told BuzzFeed News, has depended on and emotionally abused the women in his own life.
For example, although Elam compares the family court system’s treatment of fathers to Jim Crow, he abandoned his biological children not once but twice. Although Elam says that “fathers are forced to pay child support like it was mafia protection money,” he accused his first wife of lying about being raped so he could relinquish his parental rights and avoid paying child support.
His ex-wife and his daughter said he has only been able to make A Voice for Men his full-time job because of the women who have supported him throughout his life.
“People come to Paul for advice on parenting, even though he has two estranged biological children that he did not raise or take care of,” said Bonnie, who, along with her mother Susan, Elam’s first wife, spoke publicly for the first time to BuzzFeed News. (Susan’s name has been changed, because, like Bonnie, she fears Elam’s followers will retaliate against her.)
It's a long article but super interesting http://www.buzzfeed.com/adamserwer/how-mens-rights-leader-paul-elam-turned-being-a-deadbeat-dad?utm_term=.jgBqo2zpj#.eil3LL4nqQ
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PlanetaryOrbit
(155 posts)Any more than stay-at-home mothers. Regardless.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)where on earth did you get that?
deadbeat does not mean the same thing as stay at home. i assume this is where your confusion comes from.
hunter
(38,316 posts)This dude didn't stay at home. That's all we need to say about him. He fucked up.
As a guy I'm not immune to testosterone poisoning, so I'll confess that if this 6'8" (liar!) asshole had ever spanked one of my kids for opening a refrigerator I'd have tossed him out the front door without bothering to open it. And he would have been lucky too, since the women in our family tend to be much harsher towards anyone who threatens our children. Mamma grizzly bear harsh.
(This is not an entirely good thing. Whenever I'd get in trouble at school, school administrators would often be afraid to call my mom for fear she'd go berserker on them or whoever else was torturing me that day.)
One of my great grandmas could cut apart freshly killed fish, chickens, or small mammals for dinner faster than human eyes could follow. As a kid I'd watch her hands move, fascinated. The sort of woman no sane adult would ever sleep with before making peace with her.
I've always existed in a Wild West matriarchy, and I'm okay with that.
Let me introduce you to one of my great grandmothers, perhaps the sweetest:
She's got a skeptical look, doesn't she? Like she could shoot you between the eyes with that rifle if you crossed her.
All my great grandmas were like that. They could shoot game and ride horses men were frightened of. (A couple of my nieces are keeping those family traditions alive.)
My crazy grandma told me it's the amorous male skunks who get flattened out on the highway during mating seasons.
The women in my family have all sorts of good advice like that, the sort of advice that make a young man think with the head on his shoulders rather the one in his pants.
Who wants to be a stinky skunk roadkill pancake on the highway?
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)was because of 'feminization' and courts taking the side of women. rather than admitting to being a fuck up.
hunter
(38,316 posts)And it's frightening how many men follow him in his lie.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)and gather a bunch of followers/money
niyad
(113,325 posts)
Matariki
(18,775 posts)niyad
(113,325 posts)
alarimer
(16,245 posts)And apparently still sponging off the women in his life, while at the same time claiming to be a victim.
What a piece of shit.
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)No one said anything remotely resembling what you're suggesting.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Seriously.
MineralMan
(146,317 posts)I must have missed that somehow.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)
kcr
(15,317 posts)This man is a big reason behind a lot of the bullshit you see posted on the internet. Even here on DU. And it turns out he's nothing but a scam artist. I would think a lot of people would have something to say about that. But they'll probably go on believing all the BS talking points.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)YoungDemCA
(5,714 posts)nt
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Elam obviously found a way to monetize that and appeal to others who are the same as him.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)and their leaders are equally sociopathic.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)... periodic outbursts of violence from members of these groups from time to time.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)much like the racists did through anti immigration and tea-party rallies
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)they're already doing it by couching their platform and true beliefs in seemingly harmless and innocuous words and phrases that almost everyone could agree with (children deserve the love and care of both parents, men are just as capable as women of full-time custody, etc., etc.) While those are certainly true, that is NOT what their ultimate beliefs and agendas really are. It's nothing more than a virulent, visceral hatred of women, resentment over any gains or advancement by them at all, and a great desire for complete control over them in all aspects of life. Frightening.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)They are truly a reactionary movement. I am shocked at their hatred toward women and disgusted at the fact that they try to disguise it as concern for men. If they were truly concerned about the plight of men they would be doing something positive to support men's rights instead of blaming women for all of their problems.
guillaumeb
(42,641 posts)sociopathic is an excellent word choice because reading his original post he tries to paint himself as the victim of the person and family he abandoned. A sociopath is prone to this type of rationalization because a sociopath basically exists in a universe of one blameless person and a lot of other people who make bad choices.
How does he separate mens' rights from human rights?
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)Because to guys like him, only men are truly human. Women are just bags of fat and bone who provide meals, sex, and childcare.
guillaumeb
(42,641 posts)but true of sociopaths. A true sociopath exists in a universe of one. Scary.
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Nothing more than one more attempt to divide and conquer people.....but then again, hasn't it always been true for racism?
brer cat
(24,572 posts)to escape their financial obligations are absolute scum. The damage done to the children is HUGE and in many cases never resolved. I have been there, and my daughter, in her late 30's now, still feels the sting of being "unwanted" by her father.
Thanks for this article, LLP. It helps to turn over the rock and expose the slime underneath. It is not surprising that Elam is such a low life.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)and people who think that way about rape, are sociopathic people
brer cat
(24,572 posts)“Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true”. A##hole.
cyberswede
(26,117 posts)
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)nothing more than a raging, sociopathic misogynist who hides behind his made up cause of "men's rights".
Has he done one POSITIVE thing to help men? I don't think so, it's all about blaming and hating women. If they only knew how weak and pathetic they sounded.
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)I will never understand parents, mothers or fathers, who could, and do, just that. I've seen it from both sides and both genders. My son's father threw me out of the house when I was pregnant, ignored me through the pregnancy, grudgingly acknowledged paternity when our son was two years old and only saw him sporadically, by his own choice (I did everything I could to foster and encourage a relationship), and mostly bitched about having to pay a meager amount of support each month. My son's never said much, but I know how much it hurts and bothers him, even now, as an adult.
My sister's stepchildren's mother decided she'd rather do drugs and party all the time than take care of her own children and, shortly after the divorce from their father (my sister's hubby), she left them alone in their small mobile home, at seven and five years old, with no food, heat or electricity or warm clothing. He couldn't get ahold of her and finally found them like that and just took them back home with him and said they were staying there with him, courts be damned. And this was back in the early 80's. Fortunately, the courts couldn't argue too much with her lack of care and concern and he was awarded custody and did a damned good job with them (with sis's help, of course). The mother saw them when she felt like it, which wasn't often, and only paid support erratically (but had enough money for booze and drugs).
The single parents group I was involved with through most of my son's growing up, until I married when he was a teenager, had an equal mix of mothers and fathers with the same story and most of us were raising our kids with little or no help from the other parent. Pretty sad, and I'll never understand it.
demmiblue
(36,860 posts)BobTheSubgenius
(11,563 posts)As Salon described this suppurating boil on the ass end of life these days:
Nov 14, 2014 - Paul Elam, the founder of men's rights group and human garbage army
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)fringe movements, but then they started moving into anti-immigration and tea party rallies and now they are a real power source. you never know when a fringe ideology will find a way to mainstream themselves
olddots
(10,237 posts)Scams are a growth industry lately and this guy is a super parasite 
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)not sure i get your analogy
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)We talked on the phone a few times and made arrangements to meet. When we did I saw a family resemblance, though looking back I am not sure if I was seeing what I wanted to see. I sure did not act on it. While we never got paternity testing, I was satisfied on meeting her that she was my biological daughter. And yes, I did cry. Not for shame or personal remorse, but for a sadness. I did not, as alleged, tell Bonnie that I was sorry that I had failed her. I told her that I was sorry such misfortune had been her lot. I did not tell her that I would understand if she hated me. I told her that I would understand if she were angry. And I still do understand that. I would be angry if I grew up like she did.
I was trying as best I could to be open to whatever her experience of that was, but I never felt and still don’t that this was something I had done to her. It all could have been avoided with a simple paternity test that her mother would not allow.
A lot of things could have been avoided. Bonnie and her brother both revealed to me on meeting them that the woman I was married to was the same woman they had experienced growing up. Chronic drinking, drugs, a series of short term, often volatile relationships in which both Bonnie and her brother were abused. The abuse was at the hands of her mother and some number of her mother’s boyfriends. They disclosed that in nearly all those relationships their mother had cheated.
more at the link
niyad
(113,325 posts)Surprised it took him so long.
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)before this. Surprised he's not bringing his MRA army along with him, especially to pat us gals on the head and tell us little ladies how we're all just misunderstanding them and we should just let the grown-ups (aka men) handle things. Gag.
niyad
(113,325 posts)trumad
(41,692 posts)responds and we're supposed to believe him?
And it comes from a site called a voice for men...
You're too funny.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts) cyberswede
(26,117 posts)
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)when our resident Mr. "child support is male enslavement" himself was going to actually show up. You sure did take your time for once.
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Even though Bonnie did get abused (though by one of her mom's boyfriends, apparently), it doesn't at all disprove and/or excuse Mr. Elam's own wrongdoings(please note, by the way, that I'm not trying to accuse you, yourself of doing that, though I think Mr. Elam is).
treestar
(82,383 posts)The ex is the most evil person in the world.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)niyad
(113,325 posts)arcane1
(38,613 posts)Always always ALWAYS services intended for men only.
liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)but, being married to an attorney and having once been in the legal support field myself, I do know some who work for child support defense firms that have women, deadbeat moms, as clients also. And they do exist, believe me. My sister's husband is owed thirty grand by his ex-wife and he'll never see a dime of that. Of course, the tactics of such firms make me sick, trying to make it look like the deadbeat parent (usually the father, but not always) is just misunderstood and has been "kept away" by the evil custodial parents who's coincidentally the one who's doing all the hard work of parenting 24/7n and, quite often, doing it alone.
arcane1
(38,613 posts)liberalhistorian
(20,818 posts)western state from Ohio once after visiting family, and I was driving right through the heart of Chicago (90 goes right through the city) and saw not one, but two, huge attorney billboards purporting to "make the justice system truly work for men hassled by child support problems". One even had a giant MEN'S RIGHTS on it right under the attorney's name. It was almost enough to make me run off the road. Which, on a downtown Chicago highway, would NOT have been a good thing, lol.
Jefferson23
(30,099 posts)
ismnotwasm
(41,986 posts)That guy is true slime.
niyad
(113,325 posts)AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)What else can I say? The so-called "Men's Rights Movement" has been a sham from the very start of it's pox-riddled existence.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)This time I agree with you wholeheartedly. 
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts) smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)All he cares about is stirring up as much blame and hatred toward women as possible. It's a hate group pure and simple. Most of things he says about women are sickening and if they were said about any other group they would certainly be flagged as a danger to society.
LiberalLoner
(9,762 posts)La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Is that there are a few decent guys out there that either have been truly screwed over by the system, and/or are just concerned about men's issues(and yes, they do exist!).....but they don't realize the truth about what the "Men's Movement" is actually about.....
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I think that MRA groups should address them in a positive manner by helping men. I also think that this is the goal of feminism, to help everyone to achieve their highest potential. However, feminism addresses that, yet the MRA just seem so consumed by hatred toward women that it is hard to take their message seriously. They just don't seem genuinely concerned about helping men. It seems as if their mission is solely about bringing women down
Mister Ed
(5,938 posts)
Blue Owl
(50,393 posts)n/t
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)because only a giant horse's ass would defend paul elam given his stance on women, rape, and child support.
