GOP Builds Full-Scale Replica Of Struggling Ohio Town To Train Presidential Hopefuls

[Katashi_itto]

?8426
MARTINSDALE, MT—In an effort to improve the party’s chances in the 2016 election, GOP officials announced Thursday that the Republican National Committee has built a functional full-scale replica of a struggling Ohio town in which to train presidential hopefuls.

Top-level Republican sources told reporters they have been using the fake town of Stocktonville, OH, which is located in a remote stretch of central Montana, to rigorously prepare candidates since completing construction of the 18-square-mile facility last month. According to GOP leaders, the recently erected village, which is inhabited by 33,000 actors coached to portray middle-class Americans such as small-business owners and auto workers, replicates every location and personal interaction a candidate could expect to encounter while campaigning in a critical Rust Belt swing county.

“Every morning, we start running our candidates through their itinerary of simulated voter meet-and-greets at Stocktonville’s mock schools, shopping centers, and town squares, having them redo each leg over and over until they get it right,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, noting how the locality has been meticulously crafted to reflect an unemployment rate of 8.3 percent, a median income of $38,000, and a sense of uneasiness about the direction of the country. “So, whether it’s learning to naturally put on a hardhat and Carhartt jacket to impress the workers at one of our six artificial factories, or tossing out the first pitch at our life-size double-A baseball field, our fully immersive training grounds provide a safe place for candidates to work out the kinks before running for office.”
?9069

Presidential hopefuls reportedly find meet-and-greets to be the “most grueling” aspect of training.

“With enough repetition in here, they’ll soon be interacting with real voters on the campaign trail based on nothing but pure muscle memory,” Priebus continued

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gop-builds-fullscale-replica-of-struggling-ohio-to,37948/

[Rex]

1. I always have to scroll down to see if it the onion first.

So hard to tell what is satire and what is real when it comes to repukes.

[daleanime]

2. +1

Nearly impossible.

[Rex]

3. I believed it to be factual, until I saw the link.

You are so correct, nearly impossible to tell nowadays.

[daleanime]

4. With nearly a billion to use....

wouldn't be hard to do.

[krispos42]

5. I could tell it was a fake article

They wouldn't build it in America... They would build it it in India to take advantage of the cheaper labor and vast pool of English speaking desperate natives.

[sorefeet]

6. I lived in Martinsdale for a couple

months one winter. It wouldn't be a good place for it. I live about 90 miles from there now, I was going to hop in the car and check it out. Onion.