Bread Bags or Deflated Balls? Predict the Cold Open for Saturday Night Live......

[msanthrope]

Oh, to be a writer for SNL this week. Yes, I still occasionally watch it, although I admit not live, as I am usually asleep. I watch it Sunday morning. That's the beauty of Hulu, I guess. Frankly, it usually beats the cavalcade of nearly-dead white male Republicans that the "news" shows on the networks trot out every Sunday morning.

But this week, I may actually stay up.....out of curiosity. Which do you go with? The Second Coming of Michelle Bachmann Crazy Eyes that is Joni Ernst (R-Wonderbread) or the Patriot's Deflated Balls? I mean, in neither case would a writer have to do much writing.....Joni's speech could be lifted nearly straight, and Belicheck's press conference yesterday sounded like it was written by the same guy who wrote this...

NOT SAFE FOR WORK WITH VOLUME ON.....do not click, and then whine.

Sure, they might do President Obama at the #SOTU, but that would be too easy. There's much more crazy out there to be mined.....

[riversedge]

1. Lots of sexual innendos to be made with 'deflated balls"

So, imho---it is the balls.

[Cooley Hurd]

2. It'll be Obama @ SOTU because it IS too easy...

They will likely tackle (*cough*) deflated balls during Weekend Update (more fodder for one-liners, which is what WU is all about).

[hobbit709]

3. deflated balls stuffed with bread bags.

[msanthrope]

9. Thread win. nt

[BlueJazz]

4. By God..I think the Super Bowl should be played with bread bags over the balls.

[bvf]

5. Years and years ago,

when SNL was intelligent and still funny, it fared better when the humor wasn't necessarily political, or even topical, for that matter, IMO.

Sure, there are plenty of counter-examples, but when the jokes can write themselves, they usually do.

Plus you can only take so many "deflated balls" jokes, which cable "news" pretty much exhausted early into last week.

No offense intended to any SNL fans here. Maybe I'm just an old fart. De gustibus and all that.

[yeoman6987]

6. Oh it will be patriots for sure

The state of the union response was watched by hardly anyone. However football is big time event. They won't use Earnst who most Americans don't even know. Tom Brady is known by almost everyone.

[Munificence]

7. I think they

Last edited Fri Jan 23, 2015, 12:23 PM - Edit history (2)

should have a skit that plays off adult "twins" or brother and sister and each screams to the top of their lungs like little kids. As a matter of fact we can dress them in jumpers with a foo foo and bib.

Camera is zoomed in to a level where an individual face covers the screen and it pans back and forth as each scream with a red face:

Character 1: "Bread Sacks"


Character 2 : "Benghazi"


Character 1: "57 States"


Character 2: "I can see Russia From My Porch"


etc etc etc etc for 30 seconds or so.

The camera then pans out and we notice a nurse walking into a glass room where the 2 are administered some drugs and the twins (or brother and sister) smile real big take medication and calm down for a bit.

Camera pans out more and the viewer notices that the location we are at is the senate floor and all of our politicians are there watching. Bankers line the isles for the "standing room only".

Next scene is Boner and Pelosi making out while Boner is filling her up and she is feeling him up. Over in the corner is the Koch brothers and Soros and they are at the "increase your cock size" vendor display booth bidding against each other like in an auction.

In comes President Obama doing the cha cha train with all the X Presidents behind him making the train with shrub bringin' up the rear trying to shuffle with 2 left feet.


We pan back to the original characters and they are screaming and choking each other and the nurse walks in and flips on Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians on the TV and the original characters then start becoming sleepy, they relax and stare deeply at the TV with mouths open and spittle dripping out the side.

Camera pans and in walks Hitler up to Hillary and Rumsfeld (dressed in BDU's with clip boards). Hitler screams at them saying "I need results as the higher ups are demanding an answer"

The scene goes to Jesus and Mohammed in a police cruiser in full battle uniforms looking like soldiers of fortune. As they start to exit the vehicle the viewer notices Tea party Signs on the right side of the street and "Hands Up Don't Shoot" signs on the left side of the street. Jesus and Mohammed then start shooting in all directions upon exiting the car with big grins on their faces and taking time to "high-5" each other in between reloading.

Then the American flag covers the screen and the Star Spangled Banner is playing with the caption "State of the Union address 2015" and then fades out to a scene of a destroyed city where everyone is homeless and they are crowded around a single tv placed on an alter. They all start cheering and then disperse and get back in the bread line.

THE END!

Would be much better than the BS we've been fed for the last 50 years.

Free Yourself.

Edit to add:

I did not watch the SOTU and I don't watch Saturday night live. To me there are more important things in life as both are "Hollywood productions".

[Phentex]

8. football of course. that's what the viewers care about.

IMO