Jeb Bush Resigns as George W. Bush’s Brother

[IDemo]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the strongest sign to date that he intends to seek the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has officially resigned his position as George W. Bush’s brother.

“No longer being related to his brother is a key step to clearing Jeb’s path to the nomination,” an aide said on New Year’s Day. “We expect his poll numbers to soar on this.”

According to the aide, the former Florida governor resigned his post as brother in a ten-minute phone call with George W. Bush, after which he blocked the former President’s phone number and e-mail address.

In an official statement, George W. Bush said that he “understands and supports” his former brother’s decision.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/jeb-bush-resigns-george-w-bushs-brother?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20%28142%29&CNDID=16449100&spMailingID=7394970&spUserID=NzA5MDgxNTQ3NDAS1&spJobID=600108993&spReportId=NjAwMTA4OTkzS0

[treestar]

1. LOL

[lunatica]

2. I'll believe it only when he resigns as the son of Babs and HW

Borowitz must be on to something (I wish...)

[Turbineguy]

3. Meh! Not impressed.

He should change his last name to Hitler.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

9. After his "great uncle"?

"Ruby" might be better.

[TrollBuster9090]

18. Maybe he could convince Liz Cheney to run, too, as a stalking horse?

His campaign motto could be "At Least I'm Not a CHENEY!"

[maddiemom]

32. LOL! Sadly Liz couldn't get elected ( granted as a carpetbagger) in Daddy's state, so

she's probably discouraged from further political attempts. Too bad, because a lot of fun could be had if she stayed in the public eye.

[spanone]

4. LOVE andy borowitz

[gratuitous]

5. Satire a half-step ahead of reality

You can bet that Jeb! won't be nagged about any inconvenient family connections by the somnambulent bulldogs of the Fourth Estate. Nor will he be asked about his record as governor, business affiliations, or self-dealing. He will be asked to explain why the voters find him just so gosh-darn likable and electable.

[pinboy3niner]

6. W supports "his former brother's decision."

[lpbk2713]

7. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

Sorry Jebbie. You're branded for life.

[UTUSN]

8. R#13 & K for BWAH-ha-HAH!1 n/t

[SoapBox]

10. Maybe he'll leave America while he's at it...

Oh, guess not...dang.

[rpannier]

11. Jeb Bush's first campaign Q&A

George Bush? I'm terribly sorry. I don't know this George Bush very well. I've seen him a few times. I may have spoken to him once or twice. But, I meet a lot of people

[maddiemom]

34. Never say die, if you're a Bush.

Remember when George H.W. was publicly tearful because Jeb seemed out of the presidential picture due to Dubya's "success"? Considering the rebirth of Nixon, however, it would seem to be "never say die if you're a Republican." Consider all the Democrats who have been cut off at the knees due to minor or just imagined "scandals" or overblown savaging by Republicans. They tend to slink away from politics, although often (Carter and Gore to name two, while Clinton toughed it out.) go on to valuable public service when out of office. If anyone could explain this to me, beyond general American "idiocracy," and amnesia, I'd love to hear it.

[rocktivity]

12. Oh, if only it WERE that easy!!!

Last edited Sun Jan 4, 2015, 04:50 PM - Edit history (4)

rocktivity

[BrotherIvan]

40. ...

[libodem]

13. Chortle

[Sancho]

14. Yea, but what is he going to do about being conceived in a foreign county?

[arely staircase]

15. borowitz

One informing the best.

[ladym55]

16. Loves me some Andy

[TrollBuster9090]

17. Did he send back the T-shirt that says "I'm With Stupid?"

Geez...shall we open up a betting pool to guess how long he'll STAY off these boards if he doesn't get the nomination? If we did, we'd have to divide the first three hours up into lots, because nobody believes he'd last longer than that.

Gotta love these stupid, wingnut welfare 'adviser' jobs. Six figures a year to sit on the board of governors of some company, in exchange for one days work per year. Multiply that by ten different companies, and these plutocrats are getting a few million dollars a year for one solid week's worth of work, at most. Nice work if you can get it!

[aikoaiko]

19. This made me LOL. Almost as much as watching FSU get whacked.

[Ilsa]

22. (Yeah, it's been a good day in football for me too. LOL)

My first grin came in the last minutes of the Cotton Bowl.

[aikoaiko]

24. Yep, I'm glad Michigan State shut up Baylor about not being in the top 4.

Can't whine about that when number 8 beats you.

[George II]

20. Did he resign out of embarrassment?

[valerief]

21. What about warman Poppy? And Thieving Neil? nt

[forest444]

25. Don't forget controlled-demolition Marvin.

After everything he did for Dubya on 9/11!

[SunSeeker]

26. ...

[davidpdx]

27. Maybe he should get an annulment from the whole Bush family

Seriously this year they should add to the definition in the dictionary under Bush (profanity): a family of thieves and despots that have ruined the United States of America. Also see: Assholes

[polynomial]

28. Bush is being impeached by his brother

Richard Nixon resigned from the office of President of the United States in August 1974 following the Watergate scandal, when he was almost certain to have been impeached by the United States Congress.

George W. Bush and family is being impeached by his brother through the slow and painful public admission they did with media complicity commit the greatest deception in Americas history.

Jeb is making a huge mistake promoting a professional admission that his brother, George W. Bush and his administration is in a grand scandal. This Journalist Borowitz initialized what Americans at the highest levels are ashamed to admit. George W. Bush lied about war crimes and sacked the treasury.

That whole era is a loaded criminal episode that is complicit with the media caissons rolling along in commercially driven revenues into wars with secret gulags and mercenaries that deceived America to eat yellow cake.

A bull horn bully president, with a plan using a medieval trumpet moment with very clear, shrill tones to get people's attention for making announcements on a mound of rubble. Sneaking away collapsed building scraps containing forensic evidence. Then sending that scrap to China to be reworked to make a family war ship.

It’s obvious to all here on DU that this point in history surpasses the greatest story ever told by a Nazi connected family that profiteered immensely. George W. Bush took the opportunity to grandstand announcing; Americas retaliation in all its majesty, then displaying the Iwo Jima retrospective by building a ground zero, but ignoring the health care of millions in the city of New York.

[Cha]

29. Rofl at AndyB.. but, too bad for the Jebster.. it ain't gonna happen.. Fool us once and all that..

[defacto7]

30. Stupidest thing I've heard to date. n/t

[KansDem]

31. Couldn't he do what W did in TANG...

...and just not show up for "brother duty?"

[Duval]

33. Love laughing first thing in AM

Thanks IDemo!

[Quasimodem]

35. This is a useless gesture until ...

This is a useless gesture until Jeb cuts all of the DNA he shares with his brother out of his body.

Here, let me lend him a sharp knife.

[riqster]

36. Catapulting the propaganda!

[Octafish]

37. Generetic

[Hubert Flottz]

38. And now old Poppy Bush almost wimped out, to get out of...

buying any Christmas presents.(too CHEAP) Old Poppy could see the uber bright thousand points of lights at the other end of the tunnel, as he was being transported to the hospital on your dime and mine.

I can hear him preying now, "Oh Gawd and reverend Moon, I'm not ready for my big and eternal wimp out yet! I so wanted to see Jeb on TV as pResident, announcing the next great stock market crash of 2017 and the next BushCo politics based invasion/crusade in the middle east, in time for the 2020 election cycle. And Gawd, look into Dick Cheney's second handed heart and see if he'd like to be deputy pResident again, so's he can guide and watch over Jeb and the rest of the neocon crew. In Mammon's name we prey...amen."

[Mike Niendorff]

39. :)

This made me laugh. Love it

MDN

[DeSwiss]

41. K&R

- But he's still the same!
[center]

[/center]

[ellenrr]

42. good one!

[1step]

43. Haha!

When I've seen Borowitz on the tube, I haven't found him to be funny at all. But his written work kills.

[benld74]

44. HA!