The science of spanking

[eridani]

Never, ever do it in the Olive Garden!

http://www.upworthy.com/the-science-of-spanking-what-happens-to-spanked-kids-when-they-grow-up?c=upw1

You know what the most annoying thing in the world is when you are a parent? Other people telling you what to do as if they know better. Backseat parenting drives me crazy. Until I'm the one doing it. I have dear friends who spank their kids, and I always try to talk to them about the science of it. They always respond with, "I know what's best for my kids, just like you know what's best for yours." Which is exactly what I'd say if someone told me that I was doing it wrong. Every kid is different. Every kid has their needs.

However, during those discussions, I'd say there is science that backs up doing something other than spanking. They'd always ask for specifics. I never had them. Until now. So here's an infographic explaining what 36,000 people and 88 studies found.

The biggest takeaway for me? Even if you spank with control, discipline, and good intent, your kids are more likely to have depression and engage in aggressive behavior in adulthood.

[chervilant]

1. For information on the links between physical punishment of children

and violence in adulthood, look for Murray Straus and Richard Gelles. For information on how pernicious is this form of child abuse, see anything by Alice Miller.

[SheilaT]

2. The single most interesting thing in the OP

is the map which almost perfectly correlates with red states/blue states.

[hifiguy]

13. I noticed that as well.

Interesting, wot?

[Luminous Animal]

3. Fantastic graphic. Any form of spanking is child abuse.

[951-Riverside]

4. These kids don't need spankings, they need a Father figure in the home because...

as we all know its impossible for a woman to raise a child without a male in the house.



More bullshit after more bullshit after even more bullshit. I don't get why people believe in so much BULLSHIT when it comes to raising kids.

[markpkessinger]

5. Actually, the real origin of "spare the rod, spoil the child" . . .

. . . is the Old Testament (Proverbs 13:24): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

[MrScorpio]

6. You Get The Rod!

Leave the spanking to just between consenting adults for fun, where it belongs. Leave the kids out of it, I say.

[rollin74]

7. K & R

thank you for posting this

[Warpy]

8. Those of us who grew up in the 1950s pretty much grew up with violence

from our parents. Child care books that were against it were dismissed as permissive trash. I think it's no wonder that as soon as we got out of those houses, we turned to drugs and had to do a lot of healing.

Most of my friends who have kids refused to hit them. The kids turned out better than we did and didn't turn to drugs.

Plus, they never had to stay home from school for a case of the black & blue flu.

[frogmarch]

9. I grew up in the 1940s-50s and

was never spanked, slapped or abused by anyone in any other way either. My kids weren't either, and neither were their kids. We have all survived quite nicely without having been assaulted.

We don't assault our pets either, and they are fine with that, and happy.

[laundry_queen]

10. I wish i could rec this more than once

I was spanked as a child - among other things (emotional abuse). Spanking made me hate my parents. I was an intelligent child. I was talking in full sentences at a year and I remember my mom reasoning with me over many things when I was 2 or 3. But my father didn't believe in reasoning. "I shouldn't have to explain it, she should know better." Apparently I was supposed to learn about life through osmosis and know everything by the time I was 3. I think he felt like I needed to be in pain and crying to learn my lesson. It severely damaged my relationship with him. To this day, I keep my emotional distance from my parents. I have depression and anxiety problems and my brother has anger issues. On the outside we look successful, but we are broken on the inside.

Needless to say, I don't spank my kids. And it hasn't been an issue at all. I've never felt the need to resort to it. I've read at least 2 dozen parenting books over the years and those have helped me overcome my urge to lash out when I'm angry (can't imagine where that came from) and instead I have tools to use instead. Besides, I love my kids so much I can't imagine causing them physical pain - especially when they are young and are SO dependent on you, and so enamored with you...to destroy that trust and relationship is cruel and abusive, IMO. From day one with my babies, I started building that trust - I responded to their every need in the beginning before they would even cry, I picked them up when they were upset or even as toddlers, when they were melting down. I was calm and loving and told them I loved them even when they were being willfully disobedient (which pretty much only happens once in a blue moon). I gave them plenty of chances to correct their naughty behavior, by letting them know what I expected of them and how I was confident they would do the right thing.

I think it's working. My oldest, has oodles of empathy, is an honors student (All my kids are), has a job, will graduate next year and start her chemical engineering degree in the fall. My 14 year old has a job, is uber responsible, is helpful in every way and rarely argues with me. She enjoys hanging out with me (IKR? I'm so lucky) and we have a blast. My 3rd child is my most challenging - she doesn't have much of a sense of humor, is very sensitive and is very demanding. But what I noticed is she gets worse with any kind of punishment (ie taking toys away). Instead, she responds very well to reasoning, talks about how her behavior impacts others, talks about expectations and so on. The less punishment the better she responds. My youngest is a little young to be able to tell how things are, but I hear from everyone how sweet, loving and kind she is. With all my kids I'm constantly getting compliments from coaches, teachers, bosses, friends, family etc on how great my kids are. I mean, people actually gush about it. Their friends' parents ask them to come over all of the time because, "I just love your kid so much, she is so well behaved and always makes my kid behave better. We just love having her here. Can I adopt her?" LOL.

I don't know why people don't want to do better for their kids than what they had. I don't get how someone can claim to love their kid and hit them too. I don't understand why, with all the resources that are now out there, people still choose to be lazy and hit their kids. There are so many ways to teach a child to behave (I favor the empathy approach myself) there is no excuse any longer to hit your kid. None.

[eridani]

11. This says it all. Thanks n/t

[pnwmom]

12. Great post, laundry_queen.

You are right -- hitting kids doesn't engender any good feelings in them. Thank you for explaining it so well.