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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI am SO PLEASED the "Eaten by an anaconda" thing turned into a giant Failburger.
I am SO HAPPY this turned out the way it did.
There are not enough electrons on the internet to adequately explain just how brain-murderingly stupid this whole "I'm going to get eaten by an anaconda on television" thing was, but let's start here: Say you were successful, fuckwit, in goading the snake into devouring you. HOW THE PRECISE FUCK WERE YOU PLANNING ON GETTING OUT? Wait for it to poop, like, next month?
I'll tell you how: they would have to cut the thing open, thus killing an absolutely magnificent miracle of nature so you and your asshole TV buddies could fill an hour of broadcast time.
But nope, the snake just decided to beat the shit out of the guy and live to fight another day.
GOOD.
Anaconda Tries to Kill Dumb Human Who Wanted to Be Eaten Alive
http://gawker.com/anaconda-tries-to-kill-dumb-human-who-wanted-to-be-eate-1668155693
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B2G
(9,766 posts)How the freak was he going to get out?
I'm so glad I went to bed early last night. I was rooting for the snake.
VScott
(774 posts)big_dog
(4,144 posts)'Eaten Alive'
Anaconda in Failed Stunt
Was a RINGER
Eaten Alive Snake"Eaten Alive" pulled the wool over America's eyes because everyone expected to see a wild snake eat a guy alive -- but instead a captive snake failed to even try eating the show's host.
If you missed it ... naturalist Paul Rosolie said he was planning to be eaten alive by a 25-foot anaconda, but the stunt failed to live up to the hype since he never entered the snake's belly.
Things started going south when Rosolie couldn't capture a 25-foot snake in the wild of the Amazon. On the show they acknowledged bringing in a ringer -- a snake that had been in captivity.
Sources on the production tell us the stand-in snake turned out to be too small to get the job done -- as far as swallowing Paul -- but was still strong enough to rip his arm out of the socket. Paul eventually tapped out when that pain became too much to bear.
Last week, on TMZ Live Rosolie explained how he survived the pre-taped stunt ... by hinting the snake had puked him up -- but now it's obvious that was a lie. For what it's worth ... Discovery says the safety of the snake, and Paul, were always the #1 priority -- and his intention was to be eaten alive.
Read more: http://www.tmz.com#ixzz3LLtRw8o6
http://www.tmz.com/2014/12/08/eaten-alive-snake-stunt-failed-video-discovery/#ixzz3LLssUhVz
daleanime
(17,796 posts)that the ratings were also a failure?
JCMach1
(27,559 posts)having said that, I had to watch... what a trainwreck, lol
Bluenorthwest
(45,319 posts)The promotions for that show were among the few things that actually made me say 'this is why it is so hard to do satire in America'.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)that had to burn a lot of cals to not get a meal out of it.
this was perhaps the most BS show since Al Capone's vault pretty much trash Gerald Rivers' career. oh, and if you want some laughs... jump over to Discovery Channel's facebook page and just read... have a tissue ready.
sP
TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)within recent memory. This alleged naturalist forgot or didn't know anacondas are constrictors?!
He's got this space suit on presumably to protect him after he's swallowed, but he whines about an almost broken arm from the constriction?
I can maybe understand one asshole being so stupid, but how did he get this crew to work with him? Are they in his class and get some kind of credit for this? Did they have to do it to pass?
And WTF was the original point of this idiocy?
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)is dumber than a bag of hammers and easier to entice than an anaconda... temporary fame and $$$ drove this all the way. glad it's over.
sP
Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)Plus, don't constrictors, I don't know, constrict anything they eat after they eat it to aid digestion too? I wondered how his soft looking suit was going to protect him through that part. I guess he didn't think this through clearly. The show should have started with him saying, "Here, y'all, hold my beer." That is how stupid this idea was.
NV Whino
(20,886 posts)
riversedge
(70,227 posts)snooper2
(30,151 posts)bigwillq
(72,790 posts)She is just awful.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)
bigwillq
(72,790 posts) 951-Riverside
(7,234 posts) 
Arkana
(24,347 posts)JaneyVee
(19,877 posts)
underpants
(182,807 posts)The whole thing was dumb to begin with.
Tom Brady!!!
Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)And you would think he would know that if the snake had eaten him, he would have been dead by the time it did.
VScott
(774 posts)
Tanuki
(14,918 posts)
Zorra
(27,670 posts)
Initech
(100,076 posts)
RedCappedBandit
(5,514 posts)but I'm glad it was a failure.
RockaFowler
(7,429 posts)They had the nerve to promote "Help Discovery save the Anacondas". Are you kidding me?? After showcasing this utter trash they want to now promote saving the anacondas?? What the heck happened to Discovery?? The whole brand of channels has gone downhill
TLC - no longer learning
Animal Planet - over half of the shows are not about animals
Science - stopped showcasing actual science and more about sci-fi
Discovery - let's be sensational without really saying anything at all!!
B2G
(9,766 posts)It's nothing but trash anymore.
Grammy23
(5,810 posts)Today they are running a marathon of Swamp People with an episode of Down East Dickering to break up the monotony. Sigh......
deutsey
(20,166 posts)
Rex
(65,616 posts)They were going to go up to his shoulders then pull him out...I only know about this, because it was in a mag I was reading while sitting on the throne.
Omaha Steve
(99,639 posts)I signed.
niyad
(113,315 posts)ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)niyad
(113,315 posts)whole lot of money is spent filming this idiocy? and it isn't even april 1???
Rex
(65,616 posts)Um...okay, just not that one particular snake? Reality TV has jumped the anaconda.
ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)me stumped from the first promo on this stupid stunt. He'd have to be cut out and in the process kill a magnificent creature that has a purpose in that ecosystem.
Two hours of Capone's Tomb bullshit I did not watch because of that quoted sentence in my subject line. I knew it was going to fail anyway. A snake that lives to be that big isn't a dumbass.
arcane1
(38,613 posts)
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,705 posts)They squish their prey until it stops breathing, then swallow it. No way was this anaconda going to swallow him alive if she was going to swallow him at all.
Rex
(65,616 posts)They build a crush proof suit so it would have killed the snake. The plan was just to go up to his shoulders and then pull him out, which is what they did. Funny thing about a crush proof suit, it doesn't stop your arms from being ripped out of the sockets.
IMO the guy got off easy, but should be up on criminal charges for animal abuse.
RebelOne
(30,947 posts)and watched them constrict the rats. They do not eat their meals while they are still alive and kicking.
chrisa
(4,524 posts)I don't mean it, but this guy is an idiot. I can't believe they greenlit animal abuse for entertainment like this. And furthermore, why the heck would an anaconda want to eat a human? This whole thing was probably just a publicity stunt.
B Calm
(28,762 posts)OMG the snake thing was so stupid!
liberal_at_heart
(12,081 posts)One magnificent creature just trying to survive and go about her business. One idiotic, not so magnificent creature who just wants to get on tv. Pretty obvious why we're the species that is dooming the planet. We think we're so brilliant with our big, intelligent brains. We are deluding ourselves.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)the way we are now, to produce stupid reality shows.
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)Paul Rosolie is an activist who has devoted his entire adult life to saving the Amazon Forest. He has spent all of his resources trying to save the rain forests. This has been his mission from day one. His issue is that folks on the whole have the attention span of hamsters... Jumping from one thing to the next without thinking about the long term. Sure folks are all about saving one cute and cuddly or majestic rain forest creature or another, but they don't really think on the long term. Donating a few bucks to "save" the rain forest jaguar sounds good on its face, but has no real lasting effect. He sees folks donating money to save a particular animal, but what happens is the act is actually moving them to captivity or funding those already in captivity. This does not address their habitat. The reason these animals need saving in the first place is that their habitat is quickly disappearing. This effects not only the wildlife, but the natives as well. These animals deserve their habitat. The natives deserve their habitat.
He had spent months last year working on an awareness campaign to raise funds for protecting the rain forest. It did not work. So, he figured that he would cater to the lowest common denominator. Come up with something for the hamster brained folks that desire nothing more then to be entertained with shiny objects and loud noises. He had no intention of being "Eaten Alive", but he had every intention of getting people to tune in and have to put up with his "Save the Rain Forest" bullshit for an hour and forty five minutes before he puts on his armor and rolls around in the mud with a snake for 15 minutes.
This little stunt generated such a buzz. How many people signed the Change.org petition? Or how about the PETA one? How many discussion posts were there on discussion boards? How many folks tuned in? Would his message have reached anywhere near the number of people if it was just another one of those boring here is why we need to save the rain forest documentaries?
Bait and switch promotion is nothing new. Remember all of the outrage, protests, etc, at Columbia University hosting Iranian President Ahmadinejad?
So he stirred up some shit, got a lot of people to tune in, and got his message across with no harm to the snake. Hook, line, and sinker. Mission accomplished.
liberal_at_heart
(12,081 posts)normal lives. Just because they watched this show doesn't mean they will do anything to help the Amazon forest. You have to do more than get people to watch. You have to get people to fall in love with these animals so they will be motivated to help them. It also takes very complicated and in depth environmental policy to help people who live in and around rain forests find new and sustainable ways to survive and make a living.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)What mission accomplished??? Wtf are you talking about??
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)This was filmed quite some time ago.
They made the "Eaten Alive" promos and whatnot after the event took place.
It was bait and switch. Plain and simple.
Its sole purpose was to get people to tune in.
It worked. Mission accomplished.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)Glassunion
(10,201 posts)They are designed to do it as a defense mechanism against predators and other snakes. That was their plan.
You are saying it was not bait and switch. But what would you call, filming this event where no one was eaten alive, and then calling it eaten alive, and then promoting it as eaten alive, and then showing it where no one was eaten alive?
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)No one , who truly loves animals, would have approved of that!
You can make up all the excuses in the world, it won't change the truth.
This is from PETA:
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)This entire thing was a giant promotional stunt. Nothing more.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)I don't think they get what we are saying. It's one thing if the guy wanted to earn himself a Darwin Award after knowing about dangers or not, but to drag the snakes into this when they didn't agree to any of us, was my problem with it. He's a grown man who makes his own decisions. I was never worried about his safety. He would have a team, that was known. The snake, though, could have been killed. And regurgitating their food is NOT such a simple process either, as some people are claiming. It is not always the safest thing to needlessly put an already stressed snake through that.
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)As I said I'm with you on the fuck Discovery opinion.
I'm NOT condoning what he did to the snake(s). I think what they did was bullshit. My entire point is that the network lied, that it was just a big bullshit stunt to grab viewers.
I don't think that the snakes were in any danger, however like you said, pulling them out of their environment, and wrestling with one for an extended period was an absolute shitty thing to do. I don't like that they did that, and think they are complete ass holes for doing so.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)
Initech
(100,076 posts)
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)His anaconda didn't want none ...
msanthrope
(37,549 posts)
aikoaiko
(34,170 posts)He DVRed it and watched it first thing in the morning during breakfast.
Then we practiced the multiplication table.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)This idiot lucked out that his crew was around to save him from the anaconda's embrace.
How did he plan on escaping , if the snake swallowed him?? Kill the snake for TV ratings???? Fucking pieces of shit scum!!!!!
He got lucky.
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)How did he plan on escaping if the snake swallowed him? - His crew was standing by the entire time, and they were monitoring his vitals. Anacondas will regurgitate a meal quite often to get away from other predators or snakes. The plan was to have the crew come in, to unwind the snake which would prompt the snake to regurgitate him. There was never a plan to kill the snake.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)The snake would have probably reacted by defending itself!!!
Whow!!! You really don't think they would have killed the snake if it had swallowed this idiot?
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)Anacondas do not stand and fight as a defense. They run (slither) away preferably using water for concealment.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)to a filming location for the ratings and money :
http://gawker.com/peta-super-pissed-hungry-anaconda-didnt-get-to-eat-that-1668274359
On edit, it was more than one!!! Several snakes were removed from water!!!
Fuck Discovery!!!
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)Fuck Discovery indeed!
I'm not saying that I agree with what he did. I am saying that it was a giant lie.
He was never in danger
He had no intention of being eaten
3 million people tuned in for nothing
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)There is no wild life protection awareness there. Nope. Nada. Just awareness for morons who seek fame, money and ratings.
Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)He is a grown man who made a decision to do that. The snake, however, never signed any contract or agreed to this crap. The snake was minding its own business and did not deserve to be dragged into this stupid stunt. I did not watch because I did not want to support this stupid bullshit. I was never worried about his safety. I was worried what they would do to the snake.
You seem to keep reiterating about his safety in your posts and replies in this thread when I see some of us are saying we could care less if he wanted to earn himself a Darwin Award or chicken out or not or whatever he ended up doing. That's his own decision. The snake's safety was more my concern, because if it did kill him and swallow him, they'd cut the snake open to get him out, which would kill the snake.
Glassunion
(10,201 posts)Not at all.
I'm just pointing out that it was a fat lie. There was no danger. There was no "eaten alive". Even though they promoted it that way.
Discovery networks lied to get viewers. The media does this all the time.
Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)The snake was smarter than the people in this case, it seems. She managed to foil their plans and make it out alive.
There are other ways to study snakes, ways that don't harm the snakes.
Nevernose
(13,081 posts)I always root for the animals.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)Anytime people cruelly stress animals out that way, I always root for the animals to win AND get away unharmed. So often, sadly, the animals do not get away unharmed, even when it was the humans' fault.
bigwillq
(72,790 posts)
Nevernose
(13,081 posts)I probably should have done something more dramatic for my ten thousandth post, but I'm just happy someone noticed. I sure didn't 
Best place on the Internet(s).
Vinca
(50,273 posts)This must be the sub-basement level of reality TV.
alarimer
(16,245 posts)They are doing an absolute disservice to real science. I was okay with the shows that had various real scientists going out and finding animals and explaining a little bit about them. That's what science programs always have done.
But they've gone around the bend, jumped the shark if you will, when they start lying to scientists to get them to do their shows:
Discovery Channel's "Shark Week" is misleading the public again this year with several documentaries. So why are scientists allowing themselves to be featured in these pseudoscience disasters? There's a simple reason: Shark Week producers have been lying to them.
Jonathan Davis, who now works for the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, was studying the bull sharks in the Gulf of Mexico for his Masters research when he was approached by a Shark Week film crew. "They were interested in the sharks in Louisiana, and I was the person doing the research there," Davis says. He agreed to take the film crew into the field, but quickly became concerned by their refusal to answer his questions.
He said:
I asked a few of the crew members, including the producer, what the show was going to be about. I never got a straight answer and the producer seemed to avoid the question. I was just told it would be combined with some other filming to make one show about Louisiana shark research.
Davis was shocked to find that his interview aired during a 2013 Shark Week special called Voodoo Shark, which was about a mythical monster shark called "Rooken" that lived in the Bayous of Louisiana. The "other filming" his interview was combined with featured a Bayou fishermen, and the clips were edited together to make it seem like a race between his team of researchers and the fishermen to see who could catch the mythical voodoo shark faster. In reality, Davis was barely asked about the voodoo shark at all. His answers from unrelated questions were edited together to make it seem like he believed in its existence and was searching for it.
http://io9.com/shark-week-lied-to-scientists-to-get-them-to-appear-in-1619280737
malaise
(269,004 posts)but I'm sorry the snake didn't kill that asshole.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)
B Calm
(28,762 posts) 
Orsino
(37,428 posts)...unless you got buns, son.
Scruffy Rumbler
(961 posts)my first thought was "Good luck with that!" Constrictors don't swallow their prey alive; they constrict it! Till there is no heartbeat or movement....
Was he going to meditate as the sake squeezed the ever-living shit out of him; and slip into another state of consciousness; and depress his breathing and heart rate; all the while his bones and internal organs are rearanged?
I mean....WTF
So obviously Mr. Science Guy is really Mr Sciency Guy!
Oh ....and good luck getting a stressed out snake to eat....
Edit to add:
Paul Rosolie needs to lose his job and be investigated for animal cruelty. That is all.
