Friend of The Family Committed Suicide This Weekend

[ProfessorGAC]

37 years old. Second attempt. His mom is our next door neighbor and a good friend of my wife. (Not that i'm not a friend of her too.) We moved in when he was in 7th grade.

He really planned this. Went to a very dark area, waited for a train, and jumped in front of it. Found him a couple hours before sunrise Sunday morning.

His mom is a wreck. My wife and i are taking care of the house and pets. She's going to stay at her daughter's house for an indefinite period, at the request of her therapist. (He wanted to hospitalize here, but the daughter said no.)

When he'd get way down, he'd call my wife and she had a way of perking him up. But, we went away for 11 days, and she and he didn't reconnect before the weekend. I had to work all day Sunday and Monday keeping my wife from blaming herself. She would get that way if i didn't try to help her not do it.

Just a bummer.
GAC

[xchrom]

1. may Peace be with all of you. nt

[Brickbat]

2. Goddamnit, I hate it when people make train crews do their dirty work for them.

I hope the crew, you and your friends can find some peace.

[catbyte]

3. Please accept my condolences

It must have been hell for him to be without any hope. It's certainly not your wife's fault--he was an adult and would have done it with or without your wife being home. I've found that if a person decides to check out, that's it. I hope he has achieved the peace that eluded him on earth.

Take care,

Diane
Anishinaabe in MI & mom to Leo, Sophie, Taz & Nigel, members of Dogs Against Romney, Cat Division
"We ride inside--HISS!”

[peace13]

4. Love and energy to both of your families.

Hugs to your wife. Her care and friendship was a blessing to this man. Reflect on the positive and know that she did the best she could. Life is really hard for some folks and we can't be there every minute or even every day nor can we spare them the pain that lives within. That isn't possible.

May you all find peace. He is not in pain any more and that is something to be thankful for. Peace, Kim

[MineralMan]

5. Suicide is such a disaster for those close to the person.

Also for those who are unwilling participants when the person does something like jump in front of a train. Just a horrible thing for all involved, including the person who chooses suicide.

[Kaleva]

6. I won't be surprised if the day comes I'm told my soon to be ex wife is dead

Last edited Tue Apr 17, 2012, 01:08 PM - Edit history (1)

She's had serious mental issues for a very long time and has made numerous suicide attempts. I was well aware of all this before we got married. Many of her family has told me I'm the reason she's still alive today. Now that I'm out of the house, I can't be with her all the time but sometimes when we talk on the phone, I can easily tell she's down and out so I tell her to come and get me and I spend whatever time with her till she's feeling better (she has the car and all I have is a scooter).
But sometimes she can go downhill very fast and there may come a time when I don't catch that. I've already been telling myself I've done all I could but who knows how I'll feel if that does happen.

Edit: Had to take some phone calls so I'm finishing now what I wanted to say earlier. Your wife did all she could and then some. In the end, the only person who can make things better or worse are the folks like your neighbor who died by suicide.

[jwirr]

7. So sorry. Sounds like what my brother is going through. We need better mental health services

in this country.

[ProfessorGAC]

8. This Guy Worked In The Hospital

He was one of those folks who work with people before a procedure to make sure they've got all their legal paperwork in order. Things like DNR's, and living wills, etc.

He was surrounded by the right people, and did have a therapist. We don't know, however, if we refused to take meds or if he stopped going to his psych.

But, in this case, availability and quality don't appear to be an issue.

GAC

[jwirr]

11. I worked as a Social Worker and was trianed to understand that some times you can only do so much.

Sounds like he was getting the help.

[ProfessorGAC]

12. My Wife Too

She was dual degreed in SW and Ed. She mostly worked as a special ed teacher or as a program coordinator for a foundation specializing in mentally challenged adults.

She said the same thing, but she's suffering from BPD, so it's easy for her to outduel her own intellectual powers.
GAC

[southernyankeebelle]

9. It is what it is. Tell your wife no matter what he would have done it at any rate. When

a person is in that state you very seldom can talk him out of killing themselves. I had a beautiful cousin who went into deep depression. Her family did every thing they could for her. I mean everything. The travelled the world trying to find help. Even took her to Lourdes in France. She would cry all day long days and days at a time. She couldn't even tell you why she was crying. One day she was upset cause the cook didn't wake her up for dinner. She didn't wake her up because her mother told the cook to let her sleep she didn't sleep well. So when she got up and saw everyone was already eat she went over to the balcony and jumped off leaving the poor cook in shock. She was in a coma for a couple of days. She then died. Like I said when a person is this far gone there is nothing anyone can do. My beautiful cousin was in and out of hospitals. Please try to tell your wife it wasn't her fault. It is what it is. The young man was ill and hopefully god will receive him.

[renate]

10. your wife sounds like a sweet and lovely person

But she just couldn't be expected to keep someone alive who really, really, really didn't want to be alive. That would have been a full-time job and she would have spent her life trying to keep him afloat.

My heart goes out to this guy for the pain he must have been in, and to his family because, oh, what a horrible way to die, and I'm sure they're also feeling as though they could have done something more. But the fact is that they probably couldn't. Certainly your wife couldn't, and shouldn't have expected herself to. She was entitled to live her own life and go away for eleven days without feeling like she'd done anything wrong.

Much love to all of you in this very painful time.