I wanted to spin an OP off the 'Millennials are saying no to credit cards' thread...

[ChisolmTrailDem]

In 1999 I met a woman who had custody of her two daughters and whose ex-husband had custody of their two sons and a son from another man she had a relationship with during an earlier breakup with her ex-husband. When the boys found out their mother was "banking" with a new man, they ran away from their dad and suddenly we were seven. I took it in stride and moved on and helped her raise all of them for 14 years, into adulthood.

We never married and we ended our partnership about 1-1/2 years ago. Together we made decent money but both four credit scores were decimated. So, at times it was difficult to do certain things, like clear a lease on a house or buying a car, even getting a cell phone. Which brings me to the point: before I knew it, she was leveraging the clean credit histories of her children. When I found out, I was livid and the issue became a chink in the armor of our otherwise solid relationship. But we weren't married and they weren't my kids and I was basically told that it wasn't my problem or my business.

Ok. Whatever then.

Fast forward to today. ALL of her surviving kids (one committed suicide almost one year ago, this month) have come to me needing financial assistance because A) their mother can't (or won't) help them because she is in deep debt, and B) their credit was ruined before most came of age.

Which brings me to the reason I'm posting: Is this common? I think it is because I saw her brother do the same thing with his kids. I've also seen less-fortunate friends and aquaintances use their children's clean credit to obtain electric service or other things and services. Have you done this or witnessed this in your own circles?

I think it is terribly wrong to do this to kids and I think that a lot of the reason millennials are having immediate credit issues upon coming of age is because of this desperate action by their parents to keep juggling the needs of life, and the reason many of them don't have credit cards.

Anyways, as Lonusca puts it in that other thread: "Are they saying no to credit cards or are credit cards saying no to them?"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025502883

Thanks for taking a moment to read my thread and for your responses.

[Nay]

1. I have heard of this, but know no one in this position. I have a relative who,

if she had allowed it, would have had her credit ruined by her mother, who simply can't stop spending. I also can see how college kids may be given a cosigned credit card with a parent, only to see that parent spend wildly and ruin their credit as well as their own.

In your case, how did the woman ruin all her kids' credit? Did she cosign for a credit card with each of them, then overspending on their co-owned card? Or was it just the fact that she had bad credit in general, which brought the kids' credit score down since she was a co-signer?

In either case, the kids should rid themselves of any cards or co-signatory stuff with their mother, if they haven't done so already. Then it will be a 2- or 3-year slog to rebuild their own individual credit. I don't know any other way, unless the mother illegally took out credit cards in their name without their signature. In that case, going to court is the best thing to do.

What kind of financial assistance are they asking for? You just have to be careful that they are not repeating mom's mistakes. . .

[ChisolmTrailDem]

4. Yes, it was for co-signing on cards, etc, and then running the card up or defaulting

in some way or another. A lot of what she was doing was done without my knowledge because she knew how I felt about using the kids to get what she herself wanted.

They come to me due to high deposits for various things and for help getting a car (her mother would co-sign for a used car for one or another and then when they couldn't make the payments, she would not make the payment and there would eventually be a repo, etc.

As I said, I know she was doing it but she made it clear it was none of my business. So, even thought I knew she was using their socsec numbers, etc., I'm a little left out of the dirtiest details.

[notadmblnd]

2. I know people who have done this to their children

I would never do it to my child.

[tazkcmo]

3. I have heard of this

but know nobody that does it. I choose my friends very carefully and would discontinue a friendship if I found out later that a "friend" had done this. These people are disgusting.

[riderinthestorm]

5. What an awful thing to do! I feel guilty that my youngest daughter may have student loans

Because her senior year MAY be a stretch financially for us.

I can't imagine purposefully destroying my children's financial future before they've even begun.

Pretty scummy

[ChisolmTrailDem]

6. It turns out it was worse than I even knew. I'm glad I am no longer

with her. However, I do treat the "kids" as if they were my own and I advise them and help them however I can.

[riderinthestorm]

9. You are a good soul...

[snooper2]

7. I would think this is far from common-

I had to read the first sentence four times to figure it out FYI

[ChisolmTrailDem]

8. Sorry, but I think the first sentence is fine. As for it not being common,

I'm wondering if it is common among poor people, which we technically were and which she technically still is.

Poverty is not at all uncommon. Perhaps DUers aren't, on the whole, familiar with poverty or what some people have to do to survive? I don't believe that either. I also don't believe in leveraging children's social security numbers to obtain electricity (saw my ex's brother do this), etc.

[snooper2]

11. I grew up poor in the country and know of no cases like this in person,

When I was 18 I did rent my sisters basement for about 10 months and she decided to claim me on her taxes claiming she paid over 50% of my living expenses (which was bullshit). I didn't find out until I tried to file with H&R block but she was and still is a bitch so I guess that is to be expected LOL

[ChisolmTrailDem]

12. Oh yeah! That's another thing...

I've seen the claiming each others' kids for the EIC several times.

I really hate that people feel they need to do the wrong thing in order to survive. I am confident most have to force themselves not to think about it too much in the quiet of the nights because I believe most are good people.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

10. I saw this a lot when I worked on bankruptcies

This type of scam seemed to particularly target military members.