The Onion’s tips for being an unarmed black teen in America:

[Ichingcarpenter]

The Onion’s tips for being an unarmed black teen in America:

Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.



Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.


Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.


Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.


Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.


Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.


Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.


Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.


Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/tips-for-being-an-unarmed-black-teen,36697/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1 efault

[CaptainTruth]

1. LOL! Sad it's so true. Reminds me of this Chris Rock piece ...

http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=QR465HoCWFQ


[link:http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=QR465HoCWFQ|

[JNelson6563]

8. That is a classic.

The first time I saw that I had a campaign meeting with my candidate and some college kids to discuss some of their concerns as voters. Sure enough police brutality came up! I couldn't make this Chris Rock bit stop playing in my head! I cannot tell you of what a herculean effort it took to not laugh.

Julie

[Brigid]

21. Absolutely hilarious.

But sadly, none of those tips were of any use to Michael Brown.

[Paladin]

2. The Onion nails it, yet again. (nt)

[Savannahmann]

3. Oh my. That is the perfect mix

Funny, but also incredibly sad.

[rurallib]

4. The Onion makes points so much better than other media

with just a few words pointing out absurdities.

[DamnYankeeInHouston]

5. This is by far the best summary of the situation ive read anywhere.

[Depaysement]

6. I can add one more

No matter how intelligent, educated or humane you are, act dumb, uneducated and savage. Know your place.

[valerief]

7. Unarmed black teens should walk around with their hands in the air at all times.

Or stay indoors.

America won't allow them to exist outside of a prison anymore.

Fuck those Divide and Conquer elites for creating these militarized police forces and race haters.

[cvoogt]

23. not that this would help

He was shot in the back. Doubt raising arms would make a difference.

[joeybee12]

9. So effing true...knr

[cyberswede]

10. The Onion has a knack for cutting through the BS.

Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.

[Cali_Democrat]

19. Ya...that was my favorite line. nt

[Fantastic Anarchist]

11. Fucking nailed it. n/t

[calimary]

12. Another from the "that'd be funny if it weren't true" file.

Kicking and Rec'ing - and bookmarking so I can find it easily.

[savalez]

13. That reminds me of this

Patrice O'Neal clip

[Brigid]

14. Help me out here:

Do I do this or this ?

[KeepItReal]

15. Add: "Affirm the cop's accusation that you are resisting arrest by not offering resistance"

[hibbing]

16. comedy in tragedy

That is awesome, thanks for posting.

Peace

[supercats]

17. And Only Then.....

you still have roughly a 50-50 chance of not being shot and killed by the police.

[Left coast liberal]

18. I love the Onion but I don't think this is funny...

It is too damn close to real.

[nxylas]

20. And....

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sean-hannity-unable-to-stop-smiling-while-talking,28827/

[niyad]

22. k and r and bookmarking

[awoke_in_2003]

24. I'd laugh

if it wasn't so damn sad.

[russspeakeasy]

25. + 1 and thanks for the laughs.

[HipChick]

26. Shit is not even funny...esp when young black males have to live this every day

[nxylas]

27. It's not really about the lulz

It's about using satire and irony to make a serious point.

[rpannier]

28. This piece from Dwayne Kennedy