I got out of a crisis center tonight
to hear the news about Robin Williams.
I went to an initial psychiatric evaluation on Friday and mentioned that I've had suicidal thoughts and the means to commit suicide, but at the time I was not feeling that way and was actually kind of upbeat that I was finally getting some help. While I understand the psychiatrist's obligations, she sent me for a 48 hour hold to a crisis center. I can't say that it made me feel any better and in some ways it made me feel worse because I was so bored that during most of the stay I dwelled on my problems and the impact it has on others.
You might be asking why if it was a 48 hour hold that I didn't get out until tonight. The reason why is that crisis center does not discharge any patients over the weekend so I knew that I wouldn't be out until Monday around noon. This morning I found out that my brother who was providing my ride home had to work so I didn't get picked up until this evening (80 hours). When I saw my brother I learned that he had to return to the hospital where he worked so I spent about an hour there waiting for him to take care of a patient. He is all hyped up tonight since he was called into work on PRN status at about noon and then again for a couple more hours so we almost got into an argument. I recognized that he was probably going to say some things I didn't want to hear so I went for a late night walk to let things settle down.
Anyway, he was still upset when I got back so I offered to help him get his scrubs laundered since he works tomorrow. I have an early morning meeting with my case manager and there are going to be a few things that I want to discuss with him. I'm a bit upset about a few things, but I think that I'm handling things fairly well. Still the news about Robin Williams was startling to hear this evening.
For those that have a mental illness, or have family or friends with mental illness, I'll take time to think about you tonight and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I know that I've been pretty down myself over the last few months, but I haven't given up yet which is why I'm seeking help. I may not be getting the help that I want or need, but I made it through another day and I am not a disposable Towelie.
RIP Robin and condolences to his family, friends and fans. 
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self-awareness to realize you needed help. It takes great courage to face ourselves.
reminded that we are human beings too and need to look from our perspective if they really want to help us.
My family considers mental illness a weakness and all of them truly desperately need help, but anytime I suggested it they would shame me for being so "weak", "a mental case" and of "not trying hard enough". They were toxic to me and it has taken me decades to understand their rejection. It is fear, nothing less.
I hope you get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is another day and each tomorrow is a chance for a new beginning. 
. . . now, go to sleep! 
I'm glad that I have a group of friends for support on DU. 
I always liked your blogger name for its historical significance. The DART bus stations in Irving had a lot of historical background about the Chisolm Trail and the one in downtown Irving has a map of the area including all of the old cattle trails. I'd recommend taking a break there if you riding the TRE between Dallas and Fort Worth.
I'm also familiar with the use of Chisolm Trail in the Round Rock area, but don't know as much history in that part of the state.
Things worked out pretty well for me today and I was able to cancel an appointment my schedule for Wednesday so hopefully I can catch up on some sleep tomorrow. 
It was one of the better days that I have had lately. Apparently those good vibes have some powerful healing action. It's kind of difficult to stay down in the dumps when I have a support group like my friends on DU so I guess that I'm in the mania part of the depression where everyone is boosting my self esteem and I'm feeling the joyful buzz. Hopefully the good vibes are contagious and this thread is helping out everyone else that might be feeling like they are in a low spot.
I LOVE YOUR DOG! :why aren't there hug a dog/cat icons?: 
It's great to be back and I'm doing pretty well. I knew I was okay when I went into the center and I'm hoping to see some benefits. The support that I have received from you and everyone has been extremely appreciated and I hope that the good vibes go out to everyone that needs them.
I love being able to go slow. That's what treatment has done & continues to do for me. Right now, I just take medication (paxil) and see my therapist once a month. I'm grateful that I have an excellent therapist and that I manage this stuff to the point where I truly find joy. Not all the time. I don't expect or even want some manic 'Yeah, I feel fantastic all the time!' type of life. But when I do feel joy, at appropriate and meaningful times like seeing the stars & moon at night or having a nice conversation with a friend in person, it's really satisfying.
Like you, the support I've received from everyone here is extremely appreciated. Just the fact that no one has been mean or ignorant really means a lot. I'm not one of those who talks about it a lot. But just talking about it a bit here, these past couple of days, has helped me to understand that it's really not uncommon, and no one will judge me negatively for it, or try and stay away from me for it.
Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot. 
Thank you for contacting me. It was a long day so I'm trying to get some replies out to everyone.
I'm trying to keep it short since I'm getting a bit tired with this spurt of writing, but I'm happy to receive cyber hugs and real hugs 24/7.
It's fantastic to know that I have friends and I want to return the good vibes back to all.
. . . now, didn't I tell you to go the heck to bed? see ya t'morrow, bud.
One of the few advantages of being an unemployed lazy bum. 
I've fallen a bit behind of taking care of correspondence not only in regards to this thread, but with a few other people I need to contact so I figured that this was a good starting point and I'll keep going until I run out of steam. I spent enough time sleeping and isolated while I was in the crisis center so this is my sinful indulgence. 
tomorrow is the one that gets better. Sooner or later is always does. I keep telling myself that it is a chemical imbalance, or whatever it is, and not a personal failure and it helps too.
Good advice, and I hope things get easier (and, although it seems counterintuitive, hillier) for you very, very soon.
and joining the discussion.
It's kind of difficult to be 49 years young and still asking the question, "What am I going to do in my life?" The odd thing is that I did not have a lot of anxiety about getting out of the crisis center like the other patients who were pacing the floor and calling their outside contacts repeatedly looking for self-assurance.
I hope that you become a vital part of the DU community--over the past three years I've learned that there are some wonderful people here...and then there is (insert username of the first person that vehemently disagrees with you). 
Feel better.
But I'm glad you're here. You're in my thoughts.
Strength and love.
I've written several replies today and at least for awhile I feel stronger than the day before. There will be still be obstacles and trials to deal with in my life, but I'm trying to keep on putting one foot in front of the other to reach my goals. Please feel free to read the other comments in the thread for more info and thank you for offering your support.
Is the LA or Los Angeles or Louisiana? If it is the latter, then I'll try to get in touch if I get to go on any road trips in the future.
How have things been for you as far as surviving the storms out your way? I lost track as to whether you posted any updates since I was offline for a few days during my detainment.
There were a few minor obstacles to overcome today, but I actually felt upbeat for the first time in awhile. I always knew that I was a bit crazy, but now I'm aiming to be U.S. government-certified crazy!
I'm hoping that maybe I'm on a winning streak which reminds me that I need to check my MegaMillions ticket to see if I hit the jackpot. If that occurs, then I will be in touch so I can get a tour from one of the locals.
So, glad you're hanging on to your sense of humor, buddy.. I've found from personal experience how much that help us when it gets to be just Too Damn Much!
I'm heading to bed soon, but I'll get back in touch as soon as I can tomorrow.
I'll be thinking of you tonight
May all beings be free from suffering
But I'm glad you're still here.
Strength and love.
Jeff
I'm long past the dark night, as I now call it.
You (we) are having the most productive conversation. I'm not contributing anything more than agreeing with all of you guys. The work you do to face it, but not alone, to have someone there virtual or not, to use a "three prong" approach (therapy, physical long muscle activity, meds appropriate) will bring you to another day that is VERY different.
It may not seem like much of a recipe, but it is everything to me.
And, Texas Towelie…
Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. I was able to resolve a few problems today and gave some sassy attitude to a substitute case manager today. However, she was a real trooper and was nice and helpful. I'm a bit more hopeful today than I've been in awhile.
And of course I can't receive a virtual hug without giving one back.
I really enjoy the frequent posts about what's going on in Texas that keep me informed. You are very thoughtful to do it.
Take life one day at a time and enjoy the small things. Dealing with relatives and depression can be pretty bad.
Exercise to blow off steam and help you sleep better is good.
I'm hoping that I had another hospital admission is going to bolster my case for disability income and that I'll approved quicker. I'm having some physical ailments that are more pronounced lately. However, if I can resolve a few more issues I'd love to take a tour of the triangle cities and the towns in between and meet up with my virtual-world friends.
I missed being in contact with everyone while I was being looked after, but I also know that there are people that care about me which gives me strength. It''s the unexpected issues that are causing me the most problems currently and if I learn how to keep control during the emotional times of crisis then I'll be better off for it.
I'm amazed that a simple post like this OP brings out the best from my fellow DUers and I'll be eternally grateful to all for their support.
is this one day to work with. Give yourself the gift of time, Towelie.
for your courage and wisdom in getting help, and for your reaching out to others, especially on this day that we all are depressed about Robin Williams. Seems to me there are a lot of good friends here and the empathy is obvious--you are not alone. I would add one more thing--try to schedule in some fun--whatever you like to do for entertainment or relaxation that is healthy. Literally put it into your life as a priority. Maybe even start doing something new you've never tried before that is a challenge. You can work through this. Good luck.
I must admit that right now it is just too hot to do much of anything for another month or so. I'll have to consider what options are available due to my situation.
I've got some long term goals so at least I have some hope. I think that it is a matter of patience to get through the issues I'm facing so I'm taking that deep breath and hanging in there for the people that care about me.
