Report: Middle Class Running Dangerously Low On Things To Be Squeezed Out Of

[krispos42]

Report: Middle Class Running Dangerously Low On Things To Be Squeezed Out Of
News in Brief • News • ISSUE 50•31 • Aug 7, 2014

WASHINGTON—An alarming report released Thursday by researchers at the Economic Policy Institute confirmed that, following a generation of dwindling economic opportunities and stagnant wages, the American middle class is now running dangerously low on things it can be squeezed out of. “Based on our findings, the nation is heading toward a disastrous point in the next decade at which there will no longer be a single facet of our economy from which middle- class families can be further squeezed,” said lead researcher Bryan Shale, adding that having already squeezed middle-income Americans out of job security, access to bank loans, high-quality education, retirement investing, and home ownership, the U.S. had nearly exhausted its already limited supply of squeezable sectors. “Perhaps most distressing is that given how rapidly the middle class has been driven from upward mobility and reliable healthcare, the few areas left to squeeze them out of are negligible at best. We’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here if the ability to shop at premium supermarkets, have museum memberships, or take weekend getaways is all that remains. Unless lawmakers take immediate action, we’re talking about the real possibility of a world in which the middle-class squeeze as we know it is complete, and the majority of Americans can be squeezed no further.” The researchers confirmed, however, that the U.S. middle class is still reliably being hit from all sides.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-middle-class-running-dangerously-low-on-thi,36644/

Where's the satire?

[merrily]

1. Yet, politicians can't stop talking about how much they wuve the middle class.

That's convenient because the term "middle class" is so nebulous that no one really knows what it means, yet most USians believe themselves to be members of the middle class.

They've all but stopped mentioning the poor, though. So, there is at least one thing that the middle class still can be squeexed out of. They can stop mentioning the U.S. middle class (whatever that means), just like they've stopped mentioning the U.S. poor.

Unlikely though, since the richest 10% of USians don't have enough votes to elect anyone. So, politicians will probably continue to speak as though they care gobs about the "middle class."

[immoderate]

2. You pre-empted me. I too, thought the Onion did satire...

I'm speechless...

--imm

[closeupready]

3. The satire here is subtle but it's portraying a "nonpartisan" think tank

in a way that turns Republican economic platforms inside out, by baldly exposing their very real objectives but in a 'concern troll' manner that seems to absolve far right-wing commentators of any and every sin - kind of a 'say it with a smile' thing.

And while it's The Onion and it's supposed to be funny, it's not really, and the reason why the humor fails is because we know that most of these 'nonpartisan' think tanks are actually hyper-partisan, pro-GOP, bankrolled by 1%'er's like the Koch Brothers and run by lobbyists, some of whom served in Congress or for the GWB administration, and they get lots of time on news programs to render an 'impartial' assessment of government fiscal policies, tax policies, trade agreements, etc., all of which have - in fact - squeezed the middle class dry for the benefit of the 1% who bankroll those very same think tanks.

[world wide wally]

4. If you like the sound of this, you'll love it if the Republicans take over the Seante

[Jerry442]

5. Clearly, the last remaining satirist at the Onion has suffered a breakdown, just like the others.

Driven into suicidal depression by his repeated failure to make his satire more absurd than actual reality. The Onion's business model will now be to publish straight news and commentary, figuring that nobody will notice the difference since it's all nutso anyway.

[krispos42]

9. Image the guy that came up with this one...

He probably bankrupted himself on MegaMillions tickets, thinking he'd be able to foresee the winning numbers!

[Purrfessor]

6. They neglected to mention the Holy Grail of those doing the squeezing...

and that is to squeeze the middle class out of the middle class, thus creating a two-class society right here in the no-longer-good-ol-USA. Satire or not, this is the goal.

[Enthusiast]

7. "Where's the satire?" That's what I was thinking.

[krispos42]

10. I was reading that....

and as I read it, I kept having Christopher Titus' voice in my head from "Norman Rockwell is Bleeding", the bit about how his mother's lawyer called up to tell him about his mother's death.


"And?"

"And?"

"AND?"

AND????????"

[Iron Man]

8. An Onion article that's truthful.