I want to thank you folks for the overwhelming kindness you have shown me today. (Edit)
Last edited Thu Jul 31, 2014, 03:36 PM - Edit history (1)
Edited to add the following link to my final post.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5317495
Re: this thread;
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025310623
I want to tell you what has happened.
As CherokeeProgressive mentioned, my mom did indeed have a massive, hemorrhagic stroke at some time during the afternoon on Monday. Technically a "Cerebral Vascular Accident with Displacement". A blood vessel burst in her brain forming a hemorrage so severe as to displace a large portion of her brain to the opposite side. I saw the CT scan slides and the hemorrage is enormous, approximately 56 millimeters (a little over 2 inches) across and roughly 15 millimeters thick. Basically a whole lot of blood where it shouldn't be.
My sister who lives in Chicago calls regularly to speak with mom and tried as usual to reach her around 3 PM monday to no avail. She called back repeatedly over the course of the next hour and a half before becoming alarmed, as they sort of have a schedule of when the best time to call is, and the fact that she didn't answer was way out of the ordinary.
So my sister called moms friend across the street who has a key to the condo and asked her to go and check on her. The neighbor found my mother between the couch and the coffee table, on the floor, eyes closed and totally unresponsive. I gather this was about 5:30 or 6ish. We really have no idea how long she had been laying there.
I was up in Pontiac MI, covering new business for our firm on a temporary basis (I live and work out of Jacksonville) and my sister called me at 9:30 PM telling me that "I think Mom has had a stroke. Can you get ahold of your brothers please?" (I have two older brothers and then my sis - I am the youngest of 4)
I was able to do that and also get ahold of the ER doctor where the EMS crew took her. She used the term "Severe Hemorrhagic Stroke", gave me some other basic info and mentioned she was being transferred to another facility nearby which has a better neurological department.
Now I am 1300 miles away, one brother is 45 miles away but unemployed and out of cash and the other is 200 miles away on his way back from a road trip/vacation. The driving gig I had coming up left Pontiac Tuesday at 4 AM and arrived in Atlanta, where my car was parked, at 7 PM
To shorten the story, I got down here at 5:00 Am Wednesday after being in the sleeper bunk for the first 400 miles, then drove the truck 290 miles and my car 580 miles.
My mother is for all intents and purposes no longer with us. She is still breathing, but has no response at all to commands and only reflexive response to pain on one side. Her eyelids do not flutter or move in the least to any kind of stimuli.
Per her instructions regarding such a situation, a directive to give no extraordinary measure was placed and her respirator was removed. It is just a matter of time before her body stops functioning.
My mom was born in January, 1929 and as such, had her early years during the height of the Great Depression. She voted Republican most of her life as far as I know, but I feel she became disgusted with the party during Reagans era and was most assuredly a liberal, progressive thinker when it came to social issues.
She was Episcopalian and attended Episcopal or Anglican Services on 3 continents, 2 Pacific Islands and at least 4 states as she traveled with my father and his various posts with the US Government.
Janet was a gentle woman, deeply loving, very caring, filled with a sense of humor and a love of literature. She was my momma.
I am quite frankly overwhelmed by the kind thoughts and words expressed in the thread I linked above. I have read each and every response several times and I want you all to know how deeply moved I am by such an outpouring of kindness.
Thank you so very much.
My mother on her wedding day to my dad, who passed away 14 years ago, also of a stroke;
This was taken Oct, 1951
= new reply since forum marked as read
I've been there before. 
This is a difficult time, my parents are both deceased in the last 7 years, so I understand.
Much comfort to you and your family, Paul
Your Mom seems like a wonderful woman.
Wishing for a peaceful passage.
I am sorry you are going through this, but we are here for you if you need to vent, yell, scream, cry.
Safe passage for your momma.
May she cross easily...
The fact that she had an advanced directive shows a highly intelligent and caring woman. She knew what she wanted, and this is how it will play out. As you observed, she is no longer really present.
I hope that your precious memories will sustain you as you pass through this time of grief...
Please take care of yourself. You must be exhausted, physically and mentally. Wishing you peace.
Keeping you and your mother, and siblings in my heart.....
The Tikkis
Peace be with you, your beloved mother and your family.
Your mother sounds as though she was a thoroughly lovely person.
Losing a beloved parent is hard. I wish you and your family peace.
Your lovely mom certainly sounds like a wonderful lady.
PEACE! 
May she cross easy.
My mom died three weeks ago, and I kind of understand how you're feeling right now.
So glad you were safe in your travels.
Wishes for a smooth landing for your Mom.
Peaceful healing for you and your siblings.
Love, Peace and Shelter
. . .to leave DU for awhile, we will understand. You need to do what you feel is best for yourself and your health, as well as for your family.
We have your back; and you will always have a home here at DU.
Please let us know if there's anything we can do
I lost my mom in February. Glad you can be with her, it meant a lot that I was able to fly across country to say goodbye to my own mom.
and will have those memories forever. That's the best any of us can hope for. Going suddenly is horrible for the family, but I think a blessing for the person it's happening to. And your mom raised a great kid.
and peace to you and your family, A HERETIC
She sounds like a lovely lady
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. If there is a modicum of comfort to take from this, it may be that your mom was able to live at home until this point. My mom has had a series of strokes and is in a care facility nearby. Placing her in a nursing home was hell for her, and for me. She was always the caregiver and a geriatric nurse herself. Sad turn of events...
Please know your DU family is thinking of you and your mom and that you aren't alone. When times get tough, know someone, somewhere is holding you in their prayers or sending warm vibes your way.
MissDeeds
I am so very sorry.
I just signed in for the day and found this thread. What a beautiful picture of your Dear Mother. We are all thinking about you and your family, as allot of us have already been down this road of life.
Peace be with you all. 
So sorry to hear what's happening now. It's so sad - I know quite a few people at the moment who are preparing for "that" moment, when they are forced to say farewell to a beloved mom or dad. They don't last us forever, do they? 
I remember watching my father in his last few days. And the vibrant, active, interested-in-everything man I had known - was little more than a piece of meat. With a lot of wires and tubes coming out of him at various places on his body. It was awful. AWFUL. I so sympathize. It's one of those situations in which you don't know what to pray for - safe passage, or some sort of incomprehensible recovery? I was too cynical to hope for a miracle.
I send you love and strength and all the prayers I can think of. We all do, my friend.
She Was/Is Beautiful...
Last August my family was where you are now. My Dad had a sudden catastrophic perforated ulcer and by the time he was gotten to the hospital he was unresponsive. We made the decision to give him palliative care and let him go.
He had turned 90 the previous March and spent that birthday in the hospital so we all knew his time was near before the final event. He was tough - it took nearly a week for his body to give up. He was the third family member we've had to watch die - my older sister went in 1993 and my brother in law in 2007.
It's never easy. Even though none of those deaths were sudden, we were not prepared to lose people we love.
Don't let other people tell you how to grieve. You have to deal with it in your own way. Take care of yourself and those you love.
Best wishes for the future and
I hope you are all finding some peace together during these sad days...
I'm sorry to hear this, Heretic. My mother's name is also Janet, so it must have been a popular name back then.
Take care, now
[center]
[/center]
My thoughts are with you and your family.
I hope that I'm not out of line, but as a physician I think this could be a teachable moment.
Remember that a STROKE can happen to anyone of any age - and if it does, you need to act F*A*S*T ...
There is an FDA-approved clot-buster medication that if given within three hours (maybe four) of the first symptom, may reduce long-term disability for the most common type of stroke.
There are also two other types of stroke treatment available that might help reduce the effects of stroke.
http://www.stroke.org/site/PageServer?pagename=symp
http://www.stroke.org/site/PageServer?pagename=treatment
Losing a mother is a very difficult experience. I wish you all the best as you go through the process, and offer any support I can provide.
Your mom's sounds like it was horrific and severe, and it makes me that much more grateful that mine was not, that it was treated in surgery and I'm here to type this note to you.
I lost both parents last year, one doesn't know until it happens what the feelings are going to be, and the pain.
I hope you're surrounded by loving family and friends, and warmth and good wishes, and I send you all I have to give at this difficult time.
~And I wish you and your family peace and comfort.
You may find that in your grief and when you are missing her, sharing memories of her will help. There is something about telling the stories of your loved one that somehow keeps them with you and comforts you. For me, the telling of the funny memories are the best medicine.
Take care
I am saddened for you...and glad I took you off ignore before this happened 
friend
And I love that photo...she was beautiful.
My prayers and condolences to you and your family.
It sounds like your Mom had an interesting life and raised a good family.
Please take care of yourself since times like this can be very distracting.
I understand what you mean about DU being a family. I've only been a member for a couple of years after lurking for years (Found out about DU from BartCop) and have been the recipient of the kindness from the members/family of DU.
I hope she has a quiet and easy passing.
Bless your heart. Peace and comfort to you and your family.
Such tough and sorrowful times, may you all feel at peace and celebrate her life.
It is hard to feel so helpless. Take care of yourself in this time. Your mother would want that.
You know that.
Not enough hugs in the world to be able to give to you and yours right now.
