Sarah Palin: "God doesn't drive parked cars"

[shenmue]

http://www.juanitajean.com/2014/07/21/holy-crap-from-now-on-god-only-speaks-to-sarah-edition/



Can anybody figure out what La Palin is talking about?

21 votes, 2 passes | Time left: Unlimited
	God's car
	0 (0%)
	A car's god
	0 (0%)
	Parking trees
	2 (10%)
	I don't know
	5 (24%)
	Pie
	14 (67%)
	2 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[hobbit709]

1. And when god does drive, he runs over motorcyclists.

[Wait Wut]

2. I think the real question is...

...does Palin know what Palin is talking about?

[SummerSnow]

3. Someone help her. Her family is sitting by watching teh stupid .

[CBGLuthier]

4. From time to time I have spoken fluent gibberish but damned if I know.

But Emo Phillips always said he and god had a lot in common because they both drove galaxies.

[randys1]

11. Fluent gibberish, you made me laugh out loud, good for you

[awoke_in_2003]

70. So have I

but it usually involved a lot of alcohol

[tblue37]

5. Hmmmm. *I* also do not drive parked cars. Therefore, I guess, I am God.

Feel free to ask me anything. (I will get back to you when I get a free moment.)

[SidDithers]

29. Dear God, in your light and power we are humbled...

and, since you're all-seeing and all-knowing, could you please tell us what the fuck Sarah Palin is trying to say?

Sid

[tblue37]

42. What she means to say is

"Argle-bargle." It is what she always means to say.

But I must admit that it has taken me a lot of time and effort to translate her blatherings.

[treestar]

64. Nobody does

But I bet Sarah Palin thinks Liberals do!

[tblue37]

75. You mean you also don't drive parked cars?

Well then, hi there, God!

[ieoeja]

95. I do.

I sit in parked cars and make engine noises.

[TlalocW]

6. I think I've got it

She's encouraging conservatives to mobilize, get off their asses, etc. Praying for something is well and good, but if you don't let God work through you to put some effort into things, then you're a parked car.

On the other hand, He's God! He can drive a parked car if He wants!

TlalocW

[jakeXT]

14. The Lottery Ticket Joke

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.
The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a fucking lottery ticket.''

[lovemydog]

17. I think you're right

She parked her car when she quit being governor. Now she's revving it up again. It's a less crowded road now. So impeach Obama! Or something like that.

[eShirl]

7. "So don't park your Clown Car."

[sarisataka]

8. 3.14

Oh I thought you meant pi

Nope, no clue how you get from impeaching Obama to God parking cars

[Aerows]

9. WTF

is pretty much the only thing I got out of it.

In all honesty, though, the day she starts making sense to me is the day I'm checking into a mental institution.

[frogmarch]

10. It sounds like

angry attack muffin verbiage to me.

[herding cats]

12. She must be talking to the same God who told Michele Bachmann to run for president.

It looks like he's up to his same tricks in telling Sarah to go forth and spread his...whatever that is she's spreading. I think it's that God wants to impeach Obama and he's obstructed by a parked Boehner, maybe?

[immoderate]

13. That WAS the explanation!

Silly.

--imm

[Capt. Obvious]

15. Idiot.

God is a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home.

[yuiyoshida]

90. This...

[The Wizard]

16. She speaks in tounges

somewhere between Remulak and Esperanto.

[KentuckyWoman]

79. She's channeling Joyce Meyers

It's official, she knows she's a joke and is trying to be someone else to hang on the 15 minutes.

Unfortunately she aimed pretty low..... Joyce Meyers can put words together a little better but believe it or not she's even crazier than Palin.

[NightWatcher]

18. reminds me of the philoso/joke. Could God make a burrito so spicy that God couldn't eat it?

[unionthug777]

19. mmmmmmmmmmm...

pie !!!! especially french silk pie !!!!


pie

[LiberalElite]

20. I Googled that sentence, thinking I'd see

a page titled "Sayings of the Flat Out Nuts" but I found that she's said this before - this in an American Prospect 2009 review of her book Going Rogue:

http://prospect.org/article/palin-president


-snip-
On the last page of her story, she writes about what's next for her -- "God doesn't drive parked cars," she says. The last line is a reference to the campaign flap that ensued when McCain pulled out of Michigan, and Palin lamented the decision on air. "I'm thinking when I get back I'll bake the kids a cake," she writes. "And I'll pull out a road map -- I want to show Piper the way to Michigan."
-snip-

It still doesn't make sense.

[DeadLetterOffice]

32. Apparently Limbaugh asked her what the hell it meant

and got the following answer:

You’ve got to get out there if you want try try to effect change. Make the effort, work hard and throughout the day, do what you believe is the right thing to do. Then put it in His hands because in the end, it is He that is in charge. He has got the whole world in His hands and He doesn’t drive parked cars.

For those if you who like attribution, I am posting a link to the only source I could find, but please don't beat me up, I am FULLY aware that the web site in question is run by a RW whackadoo.
http://constitutionallyspeaking.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/god-doesnt-drive-parked-cars/

[LiberalElite]

35. To which I say

Thank God she's not V.P.

[tblue37]

43. You are most welcome. (I often say thank Me about that, too.)

On Edit: See post 5 above.

[LiberalElite]

46. HA!

[n2doc]

21. Repo Man Does

[Blue Owl]

73. In heaven, there's a tree-shaped air freshener in every car

<>

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

22. All these people who know what God is saying and doing at all times

like that commercial constantly on television for the dating service Christian Mingle: “Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move, when God is saying, ‘It’s your time to act,’?” .

[jberryhill]

31. Well, the thing is, He keeps you guessing

Although I never see any of those "God is my co-pilot" people take their hands off the wheel and say, "God, how about you just keep it between the lines for a few miles?"

[Motown_Johnny]

23. It is "God doesn't play dice with the universe" for morons.

How is that unclear?

[FSogol]

24. Word Salad! It's what's for dinner!

[tblue37]

49. God doesn't drive parked dinner salads, either. nt

[petronius]

25. I imagine it's a variant of "God helps those who help themselves," but it reminded

me of this old joke:

A man was circling the block searching for a parking spot. Finally, after the third time around, he prays, “God, if you help me find a parking spot, I will go to church every Sunday and tithe ten percent of my income.” Immediately, a spot opens up, and the man prays, “Never mind, I found one.”

[VanillaRhapsody]

26. and God the most interesting man in the Heavens....says...

I don't often drive parked cars....but when I do.....

I always inform Sarah Palin!

[tblue37]

50. Why are you so sure God is a man? nt

[VanillaRhapsody]

67. It was a parody.....

of the Worlds Most Interesting man commercials...

[tblue37]

68. Oh--I have never seen them. nt

[liberal N proud]

27. I think he parked mine one cold night.

[SidDithers]

28. Something about Pope Photo-Op's Renault?....nt

Sid

[jberryhill]

30. Loose nut behind the wheel

[krispos42]

33. Nobody drives parked cars

By definition, if they're driving, they're not parked!

[DeadLetterOffice]

34. Unless they're driving on a parkway. Or parking on a driveway. Or something. n/t

[krispos42]

39. Or bringing cargo by ship... or a shipment by car.

And why do we have a pair of panties, but only one bra???

[Jamastiene]

47. The panties/bra thing...

That is pure genius. Ok, I just woke up, but I do think that is an excellent question.

[krispos42]

89. He he he!

It's an old Gallagher bit... you know, the guy that smashes fruit.

[krispos42]

36. And nobody pilots a docked ship or a chocked plane, either.

Otherwise my kid has been in control of a battleship, an aircraft carrier, a submarine, and a score of aircraft from a single-seat stunt plane to a 707.

[RKP5637]

37. As Palin continues to totally break from reality! n/t

[nomorenomore08]

38. Mmm pie...

[krispos42]

40. This poll needs a "bunny with pancake" option n/t

[shenmue]

45. Here you are :)

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[Jamastiene]

48. Yup, that would be perfect.

She made no sense to begin with, but now? Now, she is probably baffling even the speaking-in-tongues types.

[Jamastiene]

41. Er, uhm, she is officially babbling now.

Soon, she'll be speaking in tongues. Then she will be even harder to understand, if that is possible. I've seen people go through this down here in the Bible Belt. They start out seemingly normal, then they end up getting that glazed-over, scary look in their eyes. Eventually, they make less and less sense as they become more immersed into their weird ass belief system. They keep right on going until you start to TRULY be afraid of them.

I avoid those types like the plague. Well, not really the plague, because the plague is at least treatable if caught soon enough. These types? There is no cure, because the proper authorities refuse to see the inherent danger, to both themselves and the rest of us, in letting them go that far down that path. This means the rest of us have to deal with them with no backup at all. It's scary down here.

She reminds me of those types, the speaking-in-tongues types with the uber scary, glazed-over look in their eyes.

[Takket]

44. when God drives, i'm sure he rolls coal!!!!!!!!!!

[GP6971]

51. Even Franklin, the electronic translator manufacturer

has been unable to successfully translate her comments.

[mysuzuki2]

52. Does dog even have a drivers license?

[2pooped2pop]

53. I can see the used car lot from my back porch?

[TBF]

54. I'm going for the pie because I have no clue

what she is talking about - as usual.

[daleo]

55. She means "god can't be trusted to handle things"

So religious loons have to screw innocent people over all by themselves.

[Eugene]

56. There's a semi-coherent thought in this pile of word salad.

She's telling her base that God wants them to act.
It will make perfect sense to them, if not to us.
That said, her level of craziness is scary.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

57. "The day paradise put up a parking lot"

Has sister Sarah been listening to Joni Mitchell?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

58. Nobody drives a parked car. You can't drive a parked car

because it's parked. And God doesn't need to drive a car at all, being God and omnipresent and all that.

[abakan]

91. It's parked because God had to pee...

He will start driving as soon as he gets back.

[gollygee]

59. The first quote I've ever seen of hers I agree with.

I don't think He drives parked cars either.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

60. Lack of parking spaces in heaven for the Godmobile?

[Half-Century Man]

61. I pray for the day she begins to speak in semaphore

or morse.....maybe tralfamadorian (An Alien race penned by K. Vonnegut. In this dimension they look like toilet plungers with an eye at the top of the handle and communicate by tap dancing and farting).

[NastyRiffraff]

62. Okay, we've gotten to the point

where intervention is needed. Quickly.

[NuclearDem]

63. If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.

[Initech]

88. Sarah Palin's health club must be IHOP, too!

[GeorgeGist]

65. Ask John McCain.

[Jamaal510]

66. She's talking about Palin shit. nt

[Scuba]

69. I think Sarah is really the one responsible for most of those Engrish dot com signs.

[awoke_in_2003]

71. I don't know...

but now I have "all you want to do is park around Sally- park, Sally, park"

[awoke_in_2003]

74. Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz

I used to park Porsches, I must make amends.

[knownow]

72. i don't know what passes for brains in her

head but what's in my head says what's inside her head is miniature golf on video.

[smirkymonkey]

76. I'm sorry, but wtf is that idiot on about?

Is there anybody who can just permanently shut her up?

[MoonchildCA]

77. So what kind of car...

does he drive, exactly.

[KentuckyWoman]

78. She's right. God is the co-pilot

He can't park worth a shit either apparently

[IcyPeas]

80. Jabberwocky

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

the funny thing is... this can be explained.

[3catwoman3]

81. Well, God might not drive...

...parked cars, but the ex-half-guv drives me nucking futs.

[hatrack]

82. Pie - pie with lots and lots of nuts . . .

And heaping mounds of whipped Random.

[d_r]

83. God doesn't cook with an unplugged toaster nt

[Gothmog]

84. Juanita Jean also wants to know what this term means

Juanita Jean is convinced that Palin is hearing voices in her head again. http://www.juanitajean.com/2014/07/21/holy-crap-from-now-on-god-only-speaks-to-sarah-edition/

Sarah Palin is hearing voices again. She’s just passing along a message …

God wants Obama to be impeached and God “does not drive parked cars.” Y’all, seriously, I do not know where the whole “God does not drive parked cars” came from. It’s pretty much my observation that God drives whatever God wants to, whenever God wants, to wherever God wants.

When you listen to this, help me out. These new speech patterns she has, you know, with the very odd rhythm of unconnected phrases and random emphasis … is that a thing?

Yeah, I think it’s a thing.

[KinMd]

85. To me , her voice is like nails across a chalkboard

[winter is coming]

86. Sounds like she's been catching parked cars again. n/t

[NBachers]

87. Time to put the Denver Boot on Sarah for her unpaid violations

[Jim Lane]

92. In the clip, she also says that Obama wants to play God.

Does that mean that Obama wants to drive parked cars?

No, wait, I got it wrong. Obama wants to play God, and God does not drive parked cars, so Obama wants to drive cars that aren't parked.

So the whole thing is a metaphor for Benghazi.

[KamaAina]

93. In what respect, Sarah?

[Arugula Latte]

94. That's right, Sarah! Get in that car of yours and floor it! Like this: