The DUzy Awards for March 30, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your weekly installment of the best of DU, a place where you can kick back and pick up all the great stuff that fell through the cracks in George Zimmerman’s story.

Um, you might want to wear a helmet..

This week’s improvement: I aged this batch of DUzies an extra 15% this week to allow their full boutique to emerge for the connoisseur’s enjoyment.

Hey, admins… I’d still really like to have a donor star for this account so I can do a custom avatar! And when are we going to get “big” html back?


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by MindPilot
[big] Romney campaign SUV burglarized in San Diego[/big]
Source: UT San Diego

Personnel from Mitt Romney’s advance team had their rented SUV burglarized Friday while eating dinner in downtown San Diego, police said Monday.

The two people helping out the Republican presidential front-runner’s campaign told police they parked the vehicle about 9:20 p.m. in the Horton Plaza mall parking garage and returned from dinner about 11:30 p.m., Detective Gary Hassen said.

Missing from the vehicle was a briefcase, two laptop computers, two iPads, two handheld radios and various clothing, Hassen said. There was no damage to the vehicle and no sign of forced entry, he said.

Read more: http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2012/mar/26/romney-campiagn-suv-burglarized-san-diego/

____________________________________

No damage and no sign of forced entry...this one really doesn't pass the smell test.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] mac56 [/font]
[big] 2. Should have strapped it all onto the roof. [/big]

LBN, Mar 27, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101483538


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE] kpete
[big] IRS: No investigation into Haley or temple[/big]
Source: The Post And Courier

IRS: No investigation into Haley or temple
BY STEPHEN LARGEN
[e-mail], March 30th, 2012

COLUMBIA – The Internal Revenue Service determined last fall that an investigation of the Sikh Religious Society where Gov. Nikki Haley’s parents are leaders was not warranted, according to a letter the IRS provided the Governor’s Office Friday.

“After further consideration of your organization, we have determined that an investigation is not warranted at this time for the above tax period,” the letter states.

“We did not conduct an examination for the above period.”
The tax year the letter refers to is 2009.

“It’s incredibly frustrating when unaccountable bloggers will take money to smear trash about somebody and the mainstream media will pick it up and run with it,” Haley said Friday, alluding to the coverage that followed an initial post by a South Carolina political blogger this week claiming the IRS had been investigating the temple since March 2011.

Read more: http://postandcourier.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120330/PC16/120339910/1165

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Bossy Monkey [/font]
[big] 2. &quot Signed) Epstein's Mother." n/t [/big]

[font color=#FF0000]I’m told that about the time I was born, this was a hilarious cultural reference[/font]

LBN, Mar 30, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101486941


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Ruby the Liberal
[big] What is RKBA?[/big]
Been bugging me, so thought I would ask.

Thanks!


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Nuclear Unicorn [/font]
[big] 37. Right to Keep and Bear -- ANTLERS?!?! [/big]

ZEPHYRHILLS — He figured it was his house too, so when Terry Nowakowski's ex-girlfriend locked him out Tuesday afternoon, he decided to break down the door.

When he stepped inside, authorities said, he was greeted with antlers.

His ex-girlfriend, Chelsea Harrison, armed herself with a mounted deer head and "began striking him in the face and body with the ends of the antlers until she lost her grip dropping it to the floor," a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report states. Nowakowski, 20, managed to flee and call for help.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/crime/deputies-zephyrhills-woman-jabbed-ex-with-antlers/1206265

Gun Control & RKBA, Dec 12, 2011
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1172309

[font color=#FF0000]Apparently, this nomination went via pack mule through Kazakhstan [/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Fearless [/font]
[big] Just a few of my large cock photos... Yes I'm talking to you Will, xchrom, and the rest...[/big]






Next week: Unsuspecting male asses


Preview:



----------------

Wait... What were you thinking?



LGBT, Mar 24, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/11378077

[font color=#FF0000]That last cock? Rumor has it it’s fake, done up by a professional.[/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by underpants
[big] "goons" (not -----) which is a "term of endearment" according to Zimmerman's best friend[/big]
This morning on ABC News, Oliver was asked about the moment on the 911 tapes when some believe that, just prior to killing Trayvon Martin, Zimmerman used a racial slur. Oliver suggested that Zimmerman did not use a racial slur but said “goons,” which Oliver described as a “term of endearment.” Watch it:



http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/03/25/451392/friend-zimmerman-racial-slur-term-of-endearment/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ruby the Liberal [/font]
[big] 5. Someone needs to alert Hallmark [/big]
They are apparently missing out on the all important "Fucking goon" sentiment.

Maybe someone can pick a day in, say, August or some other low-card-sending-month to celebrate this term of endearment in a more formal manner.

GD, Mar 25, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002469799


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by underpants
[big] .....meanwhile near Orlando - Amway Arena only lasted 23 years (VIDEO)[/big]

http://now.msn.com/now-plus/0325-amway-arena-imploded.aspx

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] RZM [/font]
[big] 2. Shouldn't it have been a pyramid? n/t [/big]

GD, Mar 25, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002469771


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by 50000feet
[big] Wicked sense of humor?[/big]
If you have it, check this out:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/124064012

Add to the lulz if you're so inclined.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] pacalo
[big] 2. Hahaaa! I missed that one! [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] [/font]
[big] 4. Don't thank me. [/big]
Thank Mr. Magoo by doing something... anything to deal with the situation.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] MiddleFingerMom [/font]
[big] 7. Is that a chickenhead superimposed on that pic?!?!?!? Seriously... what is on his face?[/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 9. I wonder if it could be [/big]
a remnant from a desiccated ferret. ? ? ?

But I'll have to think more deeply about that.

If anyone else has an educated idea, please post it. And soon. This is troubling to me.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 11. my forehead to the floor [/big]
For the spreadikng of the dharma.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 13. Contemplating ablutions in honor of the original [/big]
thread starter...

Erm... nah. That's going too far.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 10. It is merely your third eye's [/big]
...perception of Magoo karma, MFM. Thanks for being part of the magic circle...
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 15. Aaah! It took me 24 hours to get what you did there... [/big]
You're referring to Magoos as being cowardly chickenshits who chicken out when confronted directly with the havoc they create. Thus they end up having a chicken head superimposed upon their astral bodies due to the karma they accumulate.

What do I win for being supremely, colossally right once again?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 16. How's this? [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 17. Close - [/big]
but the third shade should be on top, about an inch above the other two. No?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 18. that is correct [/big]
... can't have everything. Where would you put it?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 19. Everywhere it already is. [/big]
Which explains why I'm such a slacker these days.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 20. Me slacking too.... [/big]
... but damn, we sure shook up the status quo in our day, didnn't we?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] ... but damn, we sure shook up the status quo in our day, didnn't we? [/font]
[big] 21. Hey, my revolutionary tendencies are as strong [/big]
as ever. Whadareyou talking about, "in our day"?!?


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 22. LOL [/big]
Dramatic rabbit!
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 23. Revolutionary rabbit [/big]
is renowned for its radical streak!

The Lounge, Mar 21, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101881672


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by William769
[big] This is driving me nuts![/big]
Seeing Hannity's face on the home page all evening.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] polly7 [/font]
[big] 4. I made it more friendly for ya [/big]


H&M-D, Mar 26, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124067088

[font color=#FF0000]Gah![/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by rrneck
[big] rrneck[/big]


http://www.democraticunderground.com/124025017

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] RC [/font]
[big] 4. You know you can hold your post up top the light and see the blacked out words? [/big]
Ya shoulda posted a photocopy.

[font color=#FF0000]Actually, you can highlight it and read what’s there. I grabbed a screen capture because Make7’s formatting fucked up the copy-and-paste. There’s an actual block for that, yanno… check out Character Map! ████

And now that I’ve sucked the humor out of this, let’s continue, shall we? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[/font]

H&M-D, Mar 26, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124067322


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by The Northerner
[big] Woman breaks nose on Apple store, sues for $1M[/big]
Is Apple's sense of sleek, discreet design a danger to the elderly?

It seems 83-year-old Evelyn Paswall believes it is. For she is suing Apple for $1 million after passing into the wall of glass that is an Apple store door.

I am grateful to CBS New York for bringing forth this difficult news of such a grim spectacle. For it seems Passwall simply didn't see the glass doors at the Apple store in Manhasset, Long Island, and ended up breaking her nose after the impact.

One surely doesn't have to be 83 years old in order to walk into glass. It has happened to me, as surely as it must have happened to you. Sometimes, one loses concentration and, before one realizes it, a bump on one's forehead (or worse) ensues.

However, Paswall's attorney claims that it's simply far too hard to see Apple's sleekness. Derek T. Smith was quoted by CBS News York as saying: "Apple wants to be cool and modern and have the type of architecture that would appeal to the tech crowd, but on the other hand, they have to appreciate the danger that this high-tech modern architecture poses to some people."

Read more: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57404273-71/woman-breaks-nose-on-apple-store-sues-for-$1m/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Gold Metal Flake [/font]
[big] 9. I was once attacked and savagely beaten by a Harry Bertoia Bird Chair. [/big]
And another time a Nelson bench once borrowed five bucks from me and never paid it back.

Modernism will fuck your shit up.


GD, Mar 26, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002473644


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Skinner [/font]
[big] I would like to propose a possible solution to the serial alerter problem.[/big]
I understand there has been a lot of discussion in the Meta forum the last few days about people who send an excessive number of alerts, some of which are considered by some to be frivolous. A number of innovative solutions have been proposed to remedy this problem. Now I would like to propose another possible solution.

It is a little complicated, but I am confident that it would effectively handle the problem, while helping to promote our goal of getting the entire community involved in helping set the standards of behavior.

MY PROPOSAL

Whenever an alert is sent, I propose that we program our software to randomly select a group of six DU members to serve as a sort of ad hoc "jury," whose job it is to evaluate the alert and decide if it has merit.

These six "jurors" are then empowered to use their own best judgment to evaluate the alert. If any juror believes that in their opinion the alert has merit and the post is unacceptable, then that juror would vote to hide the alerted post. However, if the juror believes that the alert is frivolous, they would vote to leave the post alone.

If an alert is judged by at least 50% of the jurors (ie: 3 out of 6) to be frivolous, then the post would remain on the board. The alerter would receive feedback on the merit (or lack of merit) of their alert in the form of a failed jury vote.

If a juror found an alert to be particularly offensive in its lack of merit, they would have the option to take advantage of a built-in comment box wherein the juror may educate (or scold) the alerter on their use (or abuse) of the alert system. So, if a juror believed an alert to be frivolous, that juror could include a message explaining why. For example, "This frivolous alert was a waste of time."

ESCALATING JUROR FEEDBACK

If any juror believed an alert to be so offensively frivolous that it threatened the very fabric of our community, they would have additional options. For example, we could create a new forum specifically for the purposes of discussing perceived misfires by the proposed alert-feedback system. Armed with a link to the post, the comments of the alerter, and all the comments by other jurors, the concerned juror could start a discussion in this new forum -- let's call it "Meta-discussion" -- where dozens of other concerned citizens would draw attention to the offensively frivolous alert, by sharing their own opinions about how offensive the alert was -- or by sharing their own personal stories of frivolous alerts (or personal stories about something else entirely).

PROTECTION FROM SERIAL ALERTERS

Alerters who repeatedly sent frivolous alerts would find themselves repeatedly frustrated -- not only by the unwillingness of the jurors to do their bidding, but also by the stream of negative feedback they would receive in the form of comments from the jurors themselves. In time, the futility of sending repeated frivolous alerts would likely convince all but the most determined serial alerter to find better ways to amuse themselves.

Meanwhile, all DU members could follow one extremely easy-to-use method to protect themselves, which would cause even greater consternation to serial alerters: simply write your posts in a clear and non-offensive manner. Then, as the serial alerters metaphorically banged their heads against a brick wall, sending repeated frivolous alerts which got shot down in a flurry of 6-0 and 5-1 votes to LEAVE IT ALONE, you could laugh to yourself about how you have stymied another disruptor and caused them to waste their time -- while you just go on posting!

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF]JonLP24
[big]119. Here is an example why I think the system is flawed [/big]
I've seen Trumad call WillPitt a douche hundreds of times @ DU2 and never a post hidden.
http://sync.democraticunderground.com/1204780
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] dixiegrrrrl [/font]
[big] 238. I always took that to mean Trumad could not spell touche' properly. [/big]

H&M-D, Mar 27, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124067963
[font color=#FF0000]Yanno, I answered that OP in all seriousness… [/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In a self-deleted original post by polly7
[big] I have a sincere question.[/big]
WTH is the dumbass club?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] 16. It is an object given to each juror assigned to a taterguy post. [/big]

[font color=#FF0000]And this is why it’s helpful to copy-and-paste the original post and the nominations to me![/font]

H&M-D, Mar 27, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124068156


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Orrex
[big] Question about posting a "please help" thread[/big]
Is it best to PM the admins directly, or should I ask it here?

It's not a request for financial assistance.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] petronius [/font]
[big] 9. Is it "please help move a couch" or "please help move a body"? [/big]
If it's the former, post it here. If it's the latter, ask the clever bunch down in Cooking and Baking...

H&M-D, Mar 28, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124068844


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by cliffordu
[big] Thom Hartmann spanked a couple of DU'ers today on his show -[/big]
http://www.thomhartmann.com/

The link to that part of the show isn't live yet - I heard it and it was quite informative..

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] NYC_SKP [/font]
[big] 45. Thom fuckin hartman knows better than to call fuckin ME out, I'll tell ya! [/big]
Otherwise it's no soup for him!



.

.

.

.

.

.

.

GD, Mar 28, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002486546


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] kpete [/font]
[big] Gingrich Vanity Tour Nears End [/big]


GD, Mar 29, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002491599


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] elleng [/font]
[big] *At 9:00 EDT, MSNBC has Louisiana primary coverage, [/big]
FINALLY gets out of prison!

GD, Mar 24, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002467164


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by IDemo
[big] Man cuts off foot, throws it in furnace to avoid job assignment[/big]
Source: msnbc.com

Hours before unemployment officials were to determine whether he was physically fit for work, an Austrian man sawed off his left foot with an electric saw, Austrian broadcaster ORF reported.

The 56-year-old man had just learned that his benefits could be slashed if he did not accept work found for him, the Daily Mail reported.

He reportedly placed the severed foot in a wood stove to make sure doctors could not reattach it to his leg.

On Monday, after his wife and son had left the house, Hans Url, positioned his left leg against an electric saw in the boiler room and severed his foot above the ankle. Images from the scene show an electric table saw – apparently wiped clean – surrounded by shallow pools of blood. On the stove were a lighter and ashtray filled with cigarette butts.

Read more: http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/27/10890647-man-cuts-off-foot-throws-it-in-furnace-to-avoid-job-assignment

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] chrisa [/font]
[big] 14. (Maxwell Smart voice) The old foot in the incinerator trick! [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] razorman [/font]
[big] 23. They must have wanted him to work at Wal-Mart. [/big]

LBN, Mar 27, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101484053



Thanks to: Devil_Fish, eppur_se_muova, hootinholler, Tx4obama, underpants, 50000feet, Ruby the Liberal, REP, countryjake, A-Schwarzenegger, ellisonz, and rocktivity!

Special thanks to all those to expressed sympathy and understanding for my mom’s recent medical procedure. She’s hopped up on Oxycodone and doing pretty well.


Submitted for the lulz,
-Krispos42

[krispos42]

1. Bookmarking! n/t

[Lone_Star_Dem]

2. Thanks for the DUzys!

Congrats to all the winners!

Glad to hear your mom is in lala land and feeling little to nothing.

[NYC_SKP]

3. NICE!

K/R





.

[Royal Sloan 09]

4. KnR, Thanks, funny stuff, nt

[eppur_se_muova]

5. I guess my "inverted firkin" remark was just too obscure to make the cut. Ah, well. nt

[pacalo]

6. I love DU.

I literally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Another wonderful post!

Thank you!

[Kaleko]

8. Funnier than hell.

And less humid.

Best wishes for your mom.

[Fearless]

9. Yay I knew my large cocks would come in handy eventually!

[krispos42]

13. Plural?

[Fearless]

17. Oh my yes! n/t

[dixiegrrrrl]

19. Duzy!!!!!!

[polly7]

10. You always make me laugh!

Very best wishes to your Mom.

[sakabatou]

11. You should've made an April 1st addition

[hootinholler]

15. Because math is funny on April 1st?

Kinda like how I keep trying to fit Soduku into you user name.

[sakabatou]

16. ...what?

[malaise]

12. Delish

Love me some Duzys

[Bossy Monkey]

14. Hey, I got a DUzy! AND I'm really really old! Who didn't know that?

Yay!

Herewith, further sympathy and understanding on your mom's recent medical procedure. Hope she's Oxy-free and operating on all cylinders ASAP.

[Ruby the Liberal]

18. Signed, Epstein's Mother!?!?

Bonus!!!

Been thinking about your mom all weekend, Krispos. Hope she is mending quickly and getting plenty of rest.

[dixiegrrrrl]

20. Epstein...wow......reeeeching wayyyy back.

Sadly, I got the reference..
creak...creak..creak....

[krispos42]

26. She's doing pretty well. We played cards with my brother last night.

Euchre.

The Oxycodone didn't seem to affect her euchre-playing abilities, but then she really didn't have any to begin with.

[Ruby the Liberal]

29. Well, that is certainly some good news!

Glad to hear it!

[Curmudgeoness]

21. Thanks again...and hope mom likes being high.

Turnaround is fair play.

[Demeter]

22. I aged this batch of DUzies an extra 15% this week to allow their full boutique to emerge..."

I think you meant "bouquet". I HOPE you meant bouquet. Otherwise, one of us is losing her mind.

[krispos42]

27. Damn spell-checker

Here I am trying to be all sophisticated and shit.

[ellisonz]

23. And a kick and recommend!

[aquart]

24. Oxycodone, huh? I suggest bran.

[lovemydog]

25. 'Shouldn't it have been a pyramid?'

ha!

[lunatica]

28. Thanks.

[50000feet]

30. Thanks for putting that together, Krispos42.

The DUzys are a sweet little bright spot around here.