National Day Of Prayer is tomorrow...

[Archae]

[tularetom]

1. Sorry, I won't be participating

Gotta trim my fingernails, ya know.

[HERVEPA]

2. Washing my hair.

[Logical]

3. I don't pray, I slaughter a chicken and drink its blood. Seems to work better. nt

[elleng]

4. Good, I'll be at the dentist,

so would appreciate the Nation's prayers!

[stone space]

5. And here I thought it was May Day.

[NightWatcher]

6. The sky cake is a lie!!!

[Cirque du So-What]

7. From now on, I'm praying to Joe Pesci

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that *%$~#&@+!~ out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

Thanks, George Carlin, for leaving us such a bodacious volume of work.

[NightWatcher]

8. I was JUST watching this

Now I'm on to this:

[longship]

9. Joe bless you!