The Great List of Things I Can't Do Because I Only Have Daughters

[sheshe2]

It's funny the small things that can set me off on a thought tangent that ends with me writing out a List of Things I Can't Do Because I Only Have Daughters. The small thing in this instance took place a while ago when I was in line with my girls at McDonald's, and we were asked if we'd like the boy or girl toy with our Happy Meals.

"Boy toy," I answered to the cashier who then looked at me with a puzzled face because I was obviously standing beside two little people with long hair and dresses, but was asking for the boy toy. "For both of them, please," I added to help alleviate any confusion.

The boy toy in question was a chipmunk on a surfboard -- and my girls wanted it. I don't know that they even looked at the girl toy being offered, because the surfing chipmunk was so appealing. The puzzled look I received after asking for the boy toy got me thinking, and thinking for me rarely ends in fewer than 300 words.

Then, over the next couple of months, my wife and I were asked fairly frequently why we weren't planning to have more children than the two girls we already had. "Surely you'd like to have a boy as well," was the common sentiment we heard from both men and women.

"Nope, my girls are just perfect. We're going to stop right here, with the two of them."

Read More: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-reynolds/the-great-list-of-things-i-cant-do-because-i-only-have-daughters_b_5125151.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

[HockeyMom]

1. That is basically what my husband said 30 years ago

"What is wrong with only daughters?" As you can see from my name, I was/am a Hockey Mom to a DAUGHTER. The very first girl to play JV BOYS Ice Hockey, and later College Women's Ice Hockey. Older daughter was the Soccer player and she also played on and against boys teams.

BTW, BOTH hated the color PINK. Maybe they got that from their MOM?????

[sheshe2]

3. Brava! HockeyMom~

Girls Rock~

[postulater]

2. I have two daughters. They asked me once if I ever wished we had a boy.

I said "not for a second."

They teach me something everyday.

[sheshe2]

4. Good for you! postulater.

[Blue_Tires]

53. I have one relative who kept trying until he got the 'almighty' son at #4

Ironically, that relative's younger brother kept trying until he got his son at #5...It was almost like a weird competition between them or something...

[Mika]

5. This time ...

There is beauty here too ...

[William769]

6. Great story.

Thanks sheshe.

[JI7]

7. i would want the chipmunk toys also

when i was a kid in the 80s i never thought of the chipmunks as a boy or girl thing. in fact isn't the "boy or girl" toy a recent thing for mcdonalds ?

i don't remember it happening when i was a kid.

[catrose]

31. Me either

There was an over-3-years toy and an under-3-years toy. My son (and I) would want the chipmunk too.

[Ms. Toad]

33. It has been going on at least since 1992, or so -

when I started arguing with them about asking the gender of the child I was buying the Happy Meal for whenever they had two possible toys (usually Barbie/Hot Wheels). See my direct response to the OP. They swear up and down that all the McDonald's employees all over the country are just independently coming up with the gender question. For at least 2 decades.

[liberal N proud]

8. I am a proud father of two girls

I would not change that for anything. I never missed anything because I only had girls.

They are grown now, but when they were little, if they wanted the boy toy, they got it.

[progressoid]

9. We have only daughters too.

Never even occurred to have more children just to have a boy as well.

Love the ones we have.

[rurallib]

10. We have two kids - both girls. Could care less if I had boy

We had serious family problems when they young, so they did their own raising pretty much.
The oldest was 5th in her class and could hit the "J" within 20 feet. Now she is a VP with her company
The youngest was top of the class and one hell of a science teacher - now on hiatus.

We work with local kids. When I am working with a young man I have heard the comment "he's like the boy you never had." My response? "He belongs to his family. I was quite happy with my daughters, quite happy.

Good on you. If they are loved and given some direction they will be great adults.

[MerryBlooms]

11. I was supposed to be a boy,

but instead, my dad was blessed with a girl named for him. Our family name died with me, but I was cherished. I was taught to garden, cook, bake, can, drive, care for my car, basic plumbing, and your word was your worth. Our family name died with my dad, but our family's spirit lives on.
Born in Oregon and raised Texan. lol

[sheshe2]

12. That is wonderful MerryBlooms.

Your father was blessed with a girl named for him. It is the family spirit that carries it on.

[MerryBlooms]

13. .

Dignity.

[sheshe2]

15. ...

Indeed! You can't take that away~

[MerryBlooms]

16. .

You got that right.

[ladyVet]

32. I was supposed to be a boy, too!

My mother was so sure of it that she didn't even pick out a girl's name for me. Imagine the mad scramble at the hospital.

My dad loved his kids, and taught all of us girls to do yard work, fix up the house and work on the car. We all watched and understood sports, too.

My father's name dies out with him as well, because out of six siblings -- only two boys! -- I'm the only one with children and they carry their father's name. I have all boys, and though I would have liked a daughter, I don't think I've missed anything and my life is complete with sons.

[Ms. Toad]

35. So was I.

My parents only had a boy's name chosen - so I didn't have a name for a few days. My name was the only one they came up with that neither one didn't hate. My mother said the only drawback to having my father in the delivery room was seeing the look on his face when my gender was apparent.

(It has never been an issue since then that I was female - and I didn't hear the delivery room story until I was old enough that it no longer made a difference.)

[Major Nikon]

39. My daughter was my second child and I didn't want to know the sex before she was born

My wife knew as she was told privately after the ultrasound, but I specifically requested not to know and my wife didn't tell me. I wish I had done this with my first as well.

Gender roles really didn't mean much when I was growing up. My dad taught me how to cook, iron, garden, and work on the car. It's the same with my kids.

[VWolf]

14. I'm the proud father of two

Beautiful, intelligent and LIBERAL girls. Wouldn't have it any other way.

[DesertDiamond]

17. ??? WHY do they have separate girl and boy toys anyway? A surfing chipmunk is not gender specific!

[snot]

18. +1!

It's actually kind of insane. Let's risk offending at least some people, in order to please others who would probably never notice if we just offered 2 options without genderizing them.

Or do they feel they need to save the nanosecond it might take some folks to make up their minds if they were given no direction as to what they should want?

[TheFrenchRazor]

22. word. what century is this anyway??? nt

[sammytko]

25. Maybe it's a boy chipmunk?

Not necessarily made just for a boy or girl?

And why would the mcdonalds employee look at the mom strangely when she asked them if they wanted a boy or girl toy?

If she saw they were girls, and it was a sexist plot, wouldn't she automatically give them a girl toy?

[sammytko]

26. There are 4 girl chipmunks and four boy chipmunks

This is probably what she meant. Boy chipmunk or girl chipmunk.

[laundry_queen]

19. I also have daughters

4 of them. Even my man-hating grandmother (and I say that not in an anti-feminist way, she really did hate men and treated my father like dirt and his sisters like demi-gods and told me after my divorce that all men were scum) asked if I wouldn't have preferred baby #4 had been a boy (um, no, I was happy with whatever I was given). Probably because so far I'm the only source of great-grandkids and she wanted to say she had at least one great-grandson. Even in HER eyes, having a great-grandson is somehow more prestigious.

That said, in all fairness, I have friends with 4 boys who get the "are you trying for a girl??" all the time too. People seem to think if you don't have at least one of each, you must feel deprived. I can't tell you how many times I have heard from people, "well, we have one of each, so no more kids for us, we are complete." Like you cannot have a complete family without one of each? Yeah, I'm just so incomplete with my FOUR kids.

I don't understand why they divide toys between 'boy' and 'girl' toys at fast food places. For the most part my girls have been quite stereotypical with their toys (I tried so hard to get them to like cars and trucks and robots and hockey. I love hockey. They all hate it. They love ballet though...) but the times they do want a 'boy' toy (the chipmunk one I'm sure is one of those times) when they ask, "boy or girl" I say, "the chipmunk toys". Or I make them tell me which toys do they have (if it's the drive thru) and then ask for that toy by name. I heard about that one McDonald's that stopped asking 'boy or girl'...I wish they'd all do that.

[Flying Squirrel]

20. Just one girl 4 me

My dad was pissed 'cause none of his kids gave him a grandson, but he's such an ass he doesn't deserve for his "line" to keep going anyway. lol as for me, I'm perfectly content with my daughter.

[Egnever]

21. I dont know about all that

But after two boys, our girl was an awesome addition.

[surrealAmerican]

23. You get the same puzzled looks if your son wants the Barbie themed toy.

Smart parents choose whichever toys their children want because they're raising people, not stereotypes.

[Democracyinkind]

24. OPs like this one make me want to have kids.

[DustyJoe]

27. girls girls girls

I would not trade the decades of the estrogen infused household of my Wife and 3 Daughters for anything in the world. It of course had its challenges, outnumbered greatly by its fantastic times. All 3 grew into beautiful strong women (which I credit my Wife for).

[msanthrope]

28. I have a single daughter, and I cannot tell you how many times people asked me

when I was going to "try for a boy." My own mother was surprised and shocked that I was "satisfied."

One and done, and I was glad for a daughter.

[HockeyMom]

46. Only child born in 1948

One was enough for my parents back then. That really went against the grain back in those days, especially when the "only" was female. I remember when very young, my Dad would blast the radio when that old song, "Thank heaven for little girls" came on.

[HERVEPA]

29. Son and a daughter. Two granddaughters.

All just fine, just bring them up with love, that's all.

And, not that I care, the family name continues.

My daughter did not change her name when she got married. And she and my son-in-law both like that last name better than his, so the granddaughters have her (and my) last name.

Wouldn't change a thing about any of it.

[Ms. Toad]

30. Gee - McDonald's headquarters swore up and down to me they did not gender their meals

I had that discussion with so many McDonald's branches when my daughter was young. The question was always phrased, "Is it for a boy or a girl?" My daughter cringed, since she knew what was coming, even though she always wanted the Barbie.

After I got tired of arguing with the local yahoos, I moved up the ladder, where they assured me that they trained their workers to ask whether we wanted a doll or a car (or whatever the two toys were) with the happy meal. Umhmm...since it is still essentially the same question two decades later, their training must be really ineffective. Probably more effective if they actually change the wording I'm sure they have on their cash register keys (or programmed into their software).

[Orrex]

38. The trend may have originated at the store level regardless of corporate directives

Standing in line over the years, I've heard any number of customers ask for the "girl toy" or the "boy toy" for a happy meal. I'm willing to believe that the corporate office might even have issued specific guidelines discouraging this terminology, but in practice--and when you're trying to complete a drive-thru transaction in 80 seconds--the average worker might understandably adopt the quickest, most generally effective phrasing.

If a majority of customers are using that terminology, and if a majority of customers respond to that terminology, then it's hard to fault the 17-year-old employee when she falls into that pattern. I don't require high school juniors to take the lead in normalizing the discourse of gender inclusiveness.

As to the wording on the cash registers, I know that the "boy toy" is identified as "truck" at my local McDonalds, though I'm not sure how the "girl toy" is designated.

[Ms. Toad]

41. "Do you want a doll or a truck?"

is one syllable less efficient than "Is it for a girl or a boy?" and two syllables more efficient than "Do you want the boy toy or the girl toy?"

Not buying it - especially since during the 5-8 years or so when my daughter was interested in such things, the wording was exactly the same at every McDonald's I went to in various parts of the country. When I asked them what the toys were, they seemed mystified. If it was really on the cash register at the time I was engaging in the discussions with them, that question would not have mystified them - they would have just looked at the keys.

You don't have to require high school juniors to take the lead - but I do expect their employer to train them properly. Had that training really been going on, I would have encountered (1) variation in the question and (2) at least one employee who described the toys rather than asking the gender of my child.

[Orrex]

44. I've thought of that. Here's the problem:

Employee: Do you want a doll or a truck?
Customer: What kind of doll is it?
Employee: Sort of like a Barbie, I guess.
Customer, to child: Do you want a Barbie?
Child: What kind of Barbie?
Customer, to employee: What kind of Barbie?
Employee: I don't know. Sort of a summer time or beach Barbie.
Customer, to child: Do you want a beach Barbie?
Child: What kind of truck is it?
Customer, to employee: What kind of truck is it?
Employee: Hot Wheels. Kind of like a jeep.
Customer, to child: It's a jeep.
Child: Don't they have anything else?
ad infinitum

versus:

Employee: Girl toy or boy toy?
Customer: Girl toy.
Done.

Of course, this assumes that it's a doll or a truck. What if it's a My Little Pony vs. Skylanders Giants? That immediately demands an extensive conversation about which Pony and which Skylander. You'll probably object that my example is cherry-picked or improbable, but I've seen it happen first hand, and I guarantee that it fucks up the processing time.

And that's just for the school-age children. Do you also demand that the restaurants not use the term "toddler toy" when offering a toy intended for younger kids? Why limit those children in this way? Why not explicitly offer older children the Duplo bricks instead of the Barbie?

As long as the franchise offers toys recognizably marketed as boy/girl-specific, it's simply unrealistic to expect the employees to fret about the larger gender subtext, just as it's unrealistic to expect the stores to care unless it harms the bottom line or the overall service level. Until such harm is realized, it seems likely that employees will continue to outsource this aspect of the gender debate to the parents.

If McDonalds' use of "pink slime" and criminally low wages haven't inspired people to boycott the company, do you honestly think that people will rally around the banner of gender-neutral toy framing? Do you think that this will have a visible impact on the company's bottom line, sufficient to initiate hard enforcement of a low-priority service policy?

[Ms. Toad]

47. That very same discussion

could just as easily follow the Girl toy or boy toy? Only longer.

Employee: Do you want a Girl toy or a Boy toy?
Customer: What is the girl toy?
Employee: A doll
Customer: What is the boy toy?
Employee: A truck.
Employee: Do you want a doll or a truck?
Customer: What kind of doll is it?
Employee: Sort of like a Barbie, I guess.
Customer, to child: Do you want a Barbie?
Child: What kind of Barbie?
Customer, to employee: What kind of Barbie?
Employee: I don't know. Sort of a summer time or beach Barbie.
Customer, to child: Do you want a beach Barbie?
Child: What kind of truck is it?
Customer, to employee: What kind of truck is it?
Employee: Hot Wheels. Kind of like a jeep.
Customer, to child: It's a jeep.
Child: Don't they have anything else?
ad infinitum

I expect not to be lied to (as I clearly was), and I expect McDonald's to either eliminate the split distributions or to find gender neutral ways to describe them. It is not that hard - your extension of the dialog (as I demonstrated) has nothing to do with the starting point (gender stereotyped - v. gender neutral) - it has to do with the nature of kids. So start with a gender neutral question. It is not that hard.

As for the toddler toys - don't be disingenuous. The distinction there is safety based. Their standard toy line has parts which are choking hazards for toddlers. And, last time I checked, discrimination in favor (or against) toddlers was not a significant social issue. Gender stereotyping is.

[Orrex]

49. If this is the battle that you want to pick, have at it.

There are bigger battles to fight even within the storied walls of McDonalds.

If your proposed dialogue were likely to occur, then the employees would self-correct and eliminate the problem. Instead, they're following the path of the least pain in the ass and opting for the girl toy/boy toy formulation, and I'm confident that they've learned it through experience and practice.

Again, if you think that enough people think that this is a big enough problem to bring it meaningfully to the attention of the McPowers that McBe, by all means do so. It's hard for me to believe that you'll get anything but lip service from the corporate offices unless there's a real risk of lost profit.

[Ms. Toad]

50. I didn't propose the dialog

You did. All I did was demonstrate that the very same dialog is just as likely take place when you start with gender neutral terms.

I have taken it up with corporate McDonalds - they insist the boy/girl questions are only being asked by rogue employees. As far as I'm concerned, if employees can be trained to make cookie-cutter uniform hamburgers from restaurant to restaurant - they can be trained to uniformly ask the same questions about which toy to stick in the bag.

Which - is half of my point. Despite corporate assertions to the contrary, they are obviously being uniformly trained to describe the toys as "boy" and "girl," otherwise there would be variety in the way they ask the question.

And - this discussion started because I am not the only one bothered by it. It was pretty much the lead example in the article posted. Training our children in gender stereotypical ways is one of the reasons I am still - 42 years after Title IX - outnumbered 10-15 to 1 by men when I attend professional meetings. That needs to change, and it isn't likely to as long as we continue tell our daughters (among other things) that all the exciting toys are boy toys.

[Orrex]

51. Do you tell toy stores that they need to integrate their products?

They stock their Barbies in one aisle and their Hot Wheels in another. How can you tolerate this division? Why do you not demand that they stock GI Joe side by side with Hello Kitty? Doesn't this layout foster gender stereotyping, when they isolate traditionally girl-targeted toys away from traditionally boy-targeted toys, and vice versa?

Why do you pick McDonalds as the battleground, when victory is unlikely and the potential reward minimal? It seems like you're picking a deliberately pointless conflict.

As to the dialogue that I proposed, I based it on too-long years of experience in the industry. If your offered alternative were likely to occur, then it would be occurring already. Instead, the employees--like all other organisms--tend toward the path of least effort. And if "girl toy/boy toy" gets them out of the transaction faster, then that's how they'll go.

Despite corporate assertions to the contrary, they are obviously being uniformly trained to describe the toys as "boy" and "girl," otherwise there would be variety in the way they ask the question.

That conclusion is ill-supported by reality. It is every bit as likely that they latch onto the idiom of the transaction without being "uniformly trained" to do so. All it takes is for one employee to hear the question from one customer, and the convenience of the phrasing becomes obvious.

The article notwithstanding, until it can be demonstrated that McDonalds will suffer economic loss as a result of this practice, you can expect little actual support from on high.

[Ms. Toad]

52. I always mention every single place I challenge gender stereotyping

when I respond directly, and in kind, to a specific example. So I must be interacting solely on McDonald's since I didn't mention any other place I where I encounter and challenge it.

In case I need it:

[redqueen]

34. I bet most parents wouldn't take a daughter to a strip club when she's old enough.

Or hire a prostitute so she could lose her virginity.

Other than that, yeah, kids are kids. Or they should be, but gender crap is increasingly popular with some.

[MannyGoldstein]

36. Do you think most parents would do those things with their sons? nt

[lumberjack_jeff]

42. You must be new here? n/t

[Humanist_Activist]

37. Wow, was that the first thing you thought of when you read the article? That's just fucked up.

Reveals a lot about your mindset.

Do you honestly think such practices are normal or typical?

[seabeyond]

40. i can say, i have never had anyone say, dont you want a girl? and i have heard it asked of others,

dont you want a boy.

i have thought about that in the past. it is truly amazing we do this to girls. parents just have a baby, a girl, and you will hear people say, well next time.

really? really? not like from the day of birth, the celebration of a son, ok we can stop having babies now, day one of privilege and entitlement.

it is interesting how we do this with our babies. and i suggest, totally without conscious. until we are made aware. then it is a wholly fuck.

i like buying toys in boys section. sneaky with that.

[lumberjack_jeff]

43. In general, american parents seeking adoption or sex selection services are wanting a girl.

http://www.in-gender.com/xyu/gender-preference/

[Orrex]

45. Amusingly, upon learning that our 2nd child (still in utero) was also a boy

people immediately said "maybe your third one will be a girl."

[Dirty Socialist]

48. I got to play with Hot Wheels with my daughters

For a few months. That was great!