(The Onion) FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

[The Straight Story]

WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.

Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.

...

“Praise Allah, for soon every American city shall be plagued with disaster and hardship,” al-Zawahiri said in the video, which includes several minutes of footage of young, masked al-Qaeda militants casually sipping beverages as they thumb through the latest issues of Time and U.S. News And World Report. “The infidels have brought this pain and destruction upon themselves through their arrogance and callousness. Soon, the United States will watch in horror as its bridges crumble, its desperate citizens suffer in want of medicine and paying employment, and its once vast riches are reduced to naught. The righteous warriors among our ranks must now unite, get comfortable, and look on from afar at the calamity unfolding in the West.”

“We vow that we will not cease sitting around and laughing it up until America is reduced to rubble,” he continued.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fbi-uncovers-alqaeda-plot-to-just-sit-back-and-enj,35788/

[Maedhros]

1. The article spelled "REPUBLICAN" wrong.

There is no "Q" in Republican.

[Initech]

2. Well they're not wrong.

One of Osama's goals was to bankrupt America, well the republicans beat him to it! Does that make them terrorists by association?

[jwirr]

13. I agree. We used any trick in the book to pull the USSR down and our last trick was to support the

use of Osama Bin Ladin and his fellow warriors in Afghanistan against the USSR. The Cold War was all about economically breaking the USSR and that finally happened.

What we have done in the ME is let the war on terrorism break us in the same way. Much of the national debt we have now is related to these unpaid for wars. The rethugs played right into their hands. And they continue to push us further by wanting to solve every problem the world faces with the military.

[Brigid]

3. There is such a huge grain of truth in this . . .

That it really isn't satire.

[whatchamacallit]

4. Lol! it's funny cuz it's true n/t

[LiberalArkie]

5. You know a really smart person would have looked at what we did to the Soviet Union

and how we bankrupted them by spending so much money on defense. A smart person would have figured out a way of scaring us so bad that we would spend all our money to try to defeat an enemy that we could not see or know.

But then we know that no one is smarter than USA USA USA

[Taitertots]

8. The breakup of the Soviet Union was largely due to internal mismanagement

I guess a really smart person could look at the things they did to themselves and see parallels in America.

[malaise]

6. Fox works for

the terrorists

Hilarious because it's so true

[Ilsa]

7. Satire? Maybe not. Maybe a likely prediction. nt

[ballyhoo]

9. Yep.

[4_TN_TITANS]

11. Wouldn't be the first time

the Onion called it, albeit with satire.

[jtuck004]

10. Vote. It will make it all better. n/t

[raccoon]

12. The Onion does it again! nt