To the Woman Behind Me in Line at the Grocery Store

[sheshe2]

Dear woman behind me in line at the grocery store,

You don't know me. You have no clue what my life has been like since October 1, 2013. You have no clue that my family has gone through the wringer. You have no clue that we have faced unbelievable hardship. You have no clue we have been humiliated, humbled, destitute.

You have no clue I have cried more days than not; that I fight against bitterness taking control of my heart. You have no clue that my husband's pride was shattered. You have no clue my kids have had the worries of an adult on their shoulders. You have no clue their innocence was snatched from them for no good reason. You know none of this.

What you do know is I tried to buy my kids some food and that the EBT machine was down so I couldn't buy that food. I didn't have any cash or my debit card with me. I only had my SNAP card. All you heard was me saying "No, don't hold it for me. My kids are hungry now and I have no other way of paying for this." You didn't judge me. You didn't snarl "Maybe you should have less kids." You didn't say "Well, get a job and learn to support yourself." You didn't look away in embarrassment or shame for me. You didn't make any assumptions at all.

What you did was you paid that $17.38 grocery bill for us. You gave my kids bananas, yogurt, apple juice, cheese sticks, and a peach ice tea for me; a rare treat and splurge. You let me hug you and promise through my tears that I WILL pay this forward. I WILL pay someone's grocery bill for them. That $17.38 may not have been a lot for you, but it was priceless to us. In the car my kids couldn't stop gushing about you; our "angel in disguise." They prayed for you. They prayed you would be blessed. You restored some of our lost faith. One simple and small action changed our lives. You probably have forgotten about us by now, but we haven't forgotten about you. You will forever be a part of us even though we don't even know your name.

More:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-gardner/to-the-woman-behind-me-in_b_5082769.html

[Cha]

1. Random Acts of Kindness, she.. thank you.

[sheshe2]

3. Yes it is Cha.

"Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others.

William J.H. Boetcker (1873-1962)

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/inspirational-kindness-quotes

[beveeheart]

38. Great quote.

[sheshe2]

40. Says a lot, does it not beveeheart. nt

[beveeheart]

41. A lot, yes.

[yeoman6987]

81. I love that so much

I love to help people out when they are in the line at the grocery store. Normally it is a few dollars for someone who bought an item too many and didn't add it up right….no biggie. I have done it myself. The person behind you is a wonderful human.

[Jackpine Radical]

2. Dear Andrea,

More people than you may realize can imagine your plight, and the challenges, the hardships you are enduring. Some of us have been there ourselves, some of us just have the capacity for empathy and compassion. We're really not rare. I'm very happy to hear about what happened here. Many of the people around you at any given time would extend that hand when you need it, but the opportunity to do so is not often as obvious as it was in this circumstance. Never believe that the world is mostly filled with uncaring people. It is not.

And thank you for writing this, providing us all with a beautiful reminder of what it means to love and care for each other.

Jackpine.

[KamaAina]

4. The EBT machine was down?

What kind of food store only has one? Or was it down at the other end (more likely a huge bank like JPMorgan Chase than the state these days )?

[Codeine]

9. Almost always a bank issue.

When our system goes down it invariably traces back to the portion of the bank network that handles EBT.

[KamaAina]

11. That's downright criminal.

I wonder how often their EBT networks go down compared to their ATMs.

[Codeine]

13. Outages are rare for both systems,

but you're right -- EBT does go down more often than the regular EFT functions.

[Ken Burch]

28. The bank probably thinks "why should we care if poor people can get food for their kids...

...it serves them right for daring to stay alive while jobless".

[7962]

60. Its usually an electronic problem. I work on several types of these, including private ATMs

Most I see are still using phone lines to connect, and need a clean connection. We have started putting cell packs in many ATMs that have repeated problems, in order to get rid of the phone lines. But then you have to not only pay for the equipment but a monthly fee for usage.
It may be different in bigger cities than where I work.

[Curmudgeoness]

5. Oh crap, I've got something in my eye.

I was all ready to be pissed that someone made a rude comment about using a SNAP card. The turn in the story in a different direction really caught me off guard.

How wonderful that the woman did this. Less than $20 was enough to save this from being a sad story. There are more people like this than we hear about, and they make this a better world for all of us.

[sheshe2]

21. Remember this one, Curmudgeoness ~

NYPD officer's act of kindness goes viral on Facebook



Jennifer Foster, a Florence, Ariz., tourist, posted a photograph of the officer giving a homeless man a pair of boots and socks on a frigid night in Times Square on Nov. 17.

"'I have these size 12 boots for you, they are all-weather. Let's put them on and take care of you,"' Foster quoted DePrimo as saying to the homeless man. "The officer squatted down on the ground and proceeded to put socks and the new boots on this man. The officer expected NOTHING in return and did not know I was watching."

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/11/29/nypd-officer-act-kindness-goes-viral-on-facebook/

Oh, who am I kidding, nothing in my eye but tears of hope for us all.

[Curmudgeoness]

24. Indeed I do.

Lots of good people in this world.

[steve2470]

6. and, on cue, a rwnj shows up

http://huff.to/1dZ5SDV

Tony C. (john262)
3
257 Fans·Elko, Nevada
"I love that the government makes sure my kids are cared for?" That's not the government's job. That's your job. If you had made more intelligent choices you could have bought a lot more food for that $17.38. You splurged $4.99 for string cheese. For that you could have got a package of chicken legs and a bag of potatoes and fed your kids for two days with it.
4 APR 7:25 AM

eta: very lovely story

[sheshe2]

7. Surprise, surprise, Steve.

Makes you sad.

[steve2470]

8. yes it does

[CFLDem]

15. Tony C.

is an ignorant fool.

a) What other people buy with their money is none of your business.

Yes EBT is publicly funded, but that's only by consent of our representatives in congress. Once that money hits that card it's their money.

b) there's no way in hell $5 pays for two days of food for a family unless it's Ramen noodles.

[7962]

61. Bet I know what the "C" stands for.... and you're right about the Ramen!!

Isnt it like .10 a pack? I LOVE that stuff when I'm sick.

[Ken Burch]

30. "The assholes you have with you always"...

...as Jerusalem Slim probably muttered under His Breath on bad days...

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

74. LoFingl!

[niyad]

37. since I cannot post on huffpo for some reason, my reply to tony c:

to tonyc: is it exhausting to be such a superior, smug, judgmental, heartless, compassionless waste of skin and oxygen? you know what, I generally do not wish harm on others, but am willing to make an exception in your case. in the interests of you learning to "walk a mile in another's shoes", I think it would be beneficial for you to find yourself in similar, desperate circumstances.

I truly wish, on some occasions, that I believed in hell, because that is clearly where heartless, soulless thugs like you belong.

[steve2470]

42. do you have your popup blockers on within your browser ? nt

[sheshe2]

43. Now that was damn well said niyad.

Thank you, yes may they rot in hell for their lack of humanity.

The woman behind her, maybe she did and maybe she did not have much to give. No one will know her story, yet she gave what she could from her heart. She gave someone in trouble a hand up. That is beautiful.

[steve2470]

46. agreed ! nt

[Notafraidtoo]

51. Something tells me.

Something tells me Tony wouldn't be happy even if she bought the chicken legs and potatoes.

[TxVietVet]

54. I gave up on religion a long time ago partially because of dildoes like Tony C.

[msanthrope]

55. Dildos have a use and generally bring happiness. I would not characterize the likes of Tony C. that

way.

[yardwork]

58. Did that poster really reference the New Testament?

Really?

[lpbk2713]

10. I love it.

Thanks. I needed that.

[raven mad]

12. Even in sorrow, there can be beauty.

Thank you, sheshe2 for adding beauty to my day.

[former9thward]

14. How could the EBT be down and not the debit?

They are the same system. The EBT card is just another debit card.

[Codeine]

16. EBT transactions are handled by a specific bank.

Should their system by down, or a communication error occur with that portion of the network, it can happen that the EBT transactions fail to clear. Usually the problem is momentary, but it can sometimes drag on.

It happens the other way 'round, too. Sometimes some cards will go through, but cards from one bank will fail to clear.

[DiverDave]

18. I bet she got a transaction fee

even if the bank said the system was down.
Bank profiting on the poor "it's just good business sense" tm

[7962]

62. No, it doesnt work that way. No fee if no money changes hands. nt

[mwooldri]

63. Breakdown could be anywhere.

Totally depends on how that retailer is set up with their card machine. Most retailers have a third party middleman between them and the card networks, though depending on the card type they may go direct. If they're using a third party processor and all cards are being declined then the 3rd party is at fault. It could also be a terminal not set up correctly.

I have had times when my Amex doesn't go through but my Visa does... and vice versa. Or sometimes it works on the second go.

The one thing that I detest about the EBT system is that there isn't a backup plan to authorize a payment. With Visa, MasterCard, Amex and Discover a merchant can call for voice approval. I work for Amex (I don't speak for them, any opinions expressed here are mine, etc) and if the authorization system goes completely down, I can say that there are contingency plans in place to allow charges to be authorized. The merchant must pick up the phone and call though, and expect a hold time... but with so many merchants policies being if they cannot get electronic authorization they don't approve the card... the response is consistent.... your card is declined, pay another way please.

I suppose it's a little comfort to know that if you present your credit card to check in to a hotel and they cannot get electronic approval, the front desk staff are much more likely to pick the phone and get voice approval... than trying to charge $20 of groceries at a wallyworld or even a regular supermarket chain. The checkout clerk is simply ill-equipped to do voice approval... and cannot even do it for EBT

So to the OP and that person who paid for their groceries... whoever they are... thank you too.

[Codeine]

66. During the rare EBT outages at our grocery store

we tend to take signatures and phone numbers from our regulars and let them take the groceries. They always come back and pay later because most of them grew up shopping with us.

[TxDemChem]

17. It is so great to hear about the kindness of strangers.

We are all on this tiny planet in space and should look after one another.

This has warmed my heart.

[JohnnyRingo]

19. Made my day. K&R

Thanx for posting.

[sheshe2]

20. :)

[Aldo Leopold]

22. Awesome.

[JI7]

23. there are some nice people

wonderful story. i hope the woman and her family is doing better now .

[IronLionZion]

25. That's wonderful

I love it when people don't suck. Thanks for sharing!

[Deep13]

26. humans are so much better than than this country. nt

[Lifelong Protester]

27. Yes, thank you for sharing!

I need, we all need, to hear more positive stories. I hope I can help out that way someday myself.

[Beacool]

31. This brought me to tears.

Yes, bless the woman who paid for their food, but also bless the woman who wrote this essay. May her husband find work that will support them with dignity and may her children never go hungry.

Because, there but for the grace of God, go I.

[sheshe2]

33. I agree with you 100%, Beacool.

"Because, there but for the grace of God, go I."

[Beacool]

35. I say that almost every day.

There's so much suffering and need right now. It's frightening.

During Lent, my church holds conversations on Wednesday nights about various subjects. This year we had an on going discussion about a "Sufficient, Sustainable Livelihood for All". It has been very interesting. The Evangelical Lutheran Church of America came out with this social statement in 1999. Even then, in good times, there was need.

I like the statement's definition of sufficiency: "Sufficiency means adequate access to income and other resources that enable people to meet their basic needs, including nutrition, clothing, housing, health care, personal development, and participation in community with dignity."

Unfortunately, too many people are having trouble meeting the definition of sufficiency in these hard economic times.

[sheshe2]

36. "participation in community with dignity."

That says a lot right there, actually it says it all.

[freshwest]

45. "There but for the grace of God go I." I learned than long ago to keep myself humble. Thanks. n/t

[Beacool]

48. Me too.

Life is unpredictable and things can change so fast.

[sheshe2]

73. You are a good person freshwest.

[freshwest]

82. I don't think I'm remarkable though. Just logical, which calls one to percieve equality in all.

And you are a sweet heart, I wish more people were as positive and sensitive. It is a trait carefully nurtured by a belief in love and equality. Some of us are on Earth to see everything and to bear witness and remember. And sometimes, it's not pretty.

[Jake2413]

32. Wonderful

We need more people who care for others

[sheshe2]

34. We do Jake, indeed we do.

Welcome to DU!

[calimary]

44. Welcome to DU, Jake 2413!

Glad you're here. Glad you're here on THIS thread! Sometimes the sunshine breaks through all the storm clouds, doesn't it. I LOVE this thread. Restores my faith.

[Jake2413]

56. Thanks

I wish we all could have this interaction, it must be uplifting.

[WhiteTara]

39. It was she that received the gift

for the gift is in the giving.

[polly7]

47. This made me cry.

That was a beautiful thing, and I think you've already repaid that kind woman with the compassion and empathy your kids recognized and will probably carry forward all their lives.

[Shrike47]

49. This helps me to remember to engage of acts of grace.

We get so caught up in our routine, we don't stop to think. A lovely story.

[malaise]

50. Lovely

There are good people everywhere

[doxydad]

52. Heartwarming

We need a hell of a LOT more like this Samaritan . Life is filled with ass bags, seems like that's all we ever hear about. if you do ONE thing unselfishly for another today, you get the reward. I know I've been on both the receiving and giving sides, and was blessed by others. I was in a hell of a bind, needed $150 for a transmission fix back in 1970. Went to a guy's house who was older, and I barely knew him. Thanks to his generosity, I kept my job. Charlie, I will never forget your generosity, and I have payed it forward. If we all did this...even once a week, imagine the good...

[Enthusiast]

53. This post has hundreds of recommendations! And rightly so.

[ProfessorGAC]

57. Caught Me By Surprise!

Thought the woman behind the writer was going to be some troglodyte insulting other people's intelligence.

Then the pay off. Really cool story!

[treestar]

59. +1

I expected the lady to be a right wing jerk with some unkind comment. Really made my day it was not!

[sheshe2]

71. It caught me by surprise too, treestar.

So many times the story ends badly. I am glad this was not one of them.

[maddiemom]

64. Wonderful story with a punchline far different from what we were led to expect.

I am a well-educated and fairly healthy senior citizen. I do a lot of volunteer work and have worked minimum wage jobs as possible to supplement my Social Security. It's a very
long story as to how I ended up nowhere near the comfortable retirement that I had every reason to expect, and that my parents and grandparents experienced starting out with less advantages than I did. Suffice it to say, it had nothing to do with laziness or over reliance on "entitlements." Neither was there any one-time financial disaster, just the sort of "chipping away" that many others have experienced. My adult daughter, who started out with the best advantages possible, has a far more "iffy" future. Both of us have a very small degree of security due to family investments stemming from our "less advantaged" parents and grandparents. Times have really changed, and Paul Ryan is a hypocritical jerk with no sense of empathy for those of us living in the real world.

[maddiemom]

65. Oh, yes. I meant to say that I qualify very honestly, and make use of "food stamps." My parents

and grandparents, with only one college degree among them, would be mortified if they were still alive. I stopped just short of a doctorate when I decided that I couldn't afford to waste any more money on what is, today, useless education.

[iamthebandfanman]

67. Ive stopped tolerating such ignorance.

I used to ignore comments from people in line over someone using EBT and would just make sure they saw me rolling my eyes at their notion..
but sometime last year *full disclosure, im white.. if that matters* I was standing in line at a local IGA..
some lady, who looked like she had already had a rough day and had a baby in the seat of her cart, was checking out using her EBT card..
when out of nowhere this 60 something year old white guy comments to another white guy around his age or older that 'these lazy niggers always hold up the line'....
the rage that entered my body literally froze me. couldn't move. couldn't speak. all I could do is hear the thoughts racing through my head a million miles an hour. I then said 'jesus buddy why don't you speak up a little so the whole store can hear'.. he started to reply and I said 'whoa I didn't ask for a reply, I just think you should watch your fucking mouth and stop judging people you don't know.. and since today is give your opinion out loud day apparently..'.
he left and got into another line.
I don't think the lady even heard him, thank god..
nobody should have to go through ridicule or shame while at the damn grocery store.
people are cruel and impatient... and seek out others to point at to make themselves feel better about all the failures they've had in life.

[Digit]

69. Thank you for speaking up

Oh, I would have said something similar, vulgarity included.
The NERVE of some people. It is beyond cruelty.

[sheshe2]

72. You are a good person, iamthebandfanman.

[SunSeeker]

68. ...

[davidpdx]

70. In a cruel world, this was a pleasant surprise

[bananasplitbaby]

75. Heart-warming

[sheshe2]

76. Thanks, and Welcome to DU!

[Louisiana1976]

77. Several years ago I was buying groceries

and my EBT card didn't work. The woman in line behind me paid for my groceries. I thanked her profusely.

[sheshe2]

78. That simple act of kindness, Louisiana1976...

[SevenSixtyTwo]

79. Wasn't expecting that outcome!

Almost brought tears to my eyes and I'm ugly, tattooed and bearded! That just ain't right! And the cop putting shoes on the homeless guy about choked me up again. Wife's going to think I'm losing it! There are some good people in this world. We need more of them. This thread has made me tear up, crack up and think!

[sheshe2]

80. Thank you for your response, SevenSixtyTwo.

And, welcome to DU!